I feel like such a horrible mom :( - Page 2

[mariekitt24]

I agree with all the other posters, you are good mom and yelling at your baby is not a big deal, nothing to beat yourself up about. The fact that you are so worried is what you should be assured by, that you are indeed a good mom. I tend to beat myself up a lot about things too, and how I wish I could have just had someone there during my darkest moments to just say "its not a big deal." or "everyone does it."
Its easy to think we are worse moms than other's because we don't see them at their darkest, but rest assured we all get a little crazy sometimes.

I've found the cuddle cure method in the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" to be a lifesaver during infancy. My baby is 8 months now and we still use the things we learned from that book. I had it recommended to me on this forum and Im so thankful for it.

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf

Bad mommy

No, Tired Mommy. Sleep-Deprived Mommy.

Once in a very sleep-deprived state I picked up DD and held her to my chest and swayed/rocked back and forth quickly and made loud hushing noises. My DH yelled at me "Don't shake the baby!" It made me feel like the absolute Worst, Weakest Mom on the Planet. I didn't think I was shaking my baby, but apparently DH did. This was months ago and I still remember it and try to be so gentle now. Just this morning, in the wee hours, I said aloud to myself (as I was sleep-deprived, crying and praying to my grandmothers to help me) that this is not how I want to remember how I handled the early mornings and sleepless nights.

I agree with the votes for extra love and cuddles today! You're not a bad mama.

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by kgreenemama

I've read your posts on the High Needs Babies thread, and I can tell what a loving mom you are as well as what a handful your DD has been. I know how awful it feels to catch yourself acting impulsively, but we do all have our I'm-only-human-moments. It would only be a problem if you yelled and didn't feel bad about it.

I hope the teething phase passes soon!

Thank you Sometimes it's just so frustrating because you give and give and give and all you get is another sleepless night. Urgh.

Originally Posted by midnightmommy

We all know that feeling/have been there. Next time wake up your husband in anyway you see fit and get some back-up! I daydream of kicking the bed and yelling GET UP or shoving him out of bed. In real life though I ask nicer. My daughter is high needs as well, and wants nothing to do with daddy at night, but he'll take her long enough so I can get myself pulled together. After all we are all super moms, but even Batman has Robin.

I wish my husband was there to wake up! M-F he's traveling for work so it's just me and baby. He gets so upset when he finds out we had a hard night and he wasn't there to help. He really beats himself up over it, but our situation can't change right now.

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

In our house, we ALL apologize when we lose our tempers, not only do the boys have to apologize to me if they are rude, but I apologize to them if I yell/snap/etc. I think it helps to model expected behavior, and teaches them that not even mommy is perfect.

So start now! Apologize to her, snuggle with her, and start again.

We've all done it at one point or another, you're NOT a bad mommy, you're a normal exhausted mommy!!

That's a really good idea. I think I'm going to start doing that too. Not only does it start teaching her to apologize but it helps to heal the guilty feelings momma feels after she's snapped.

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

No, Tired Mommy. Sleep-Deprived Mommy.

Once in a very sleep-deprived state I picked up DD and held her to my chest and swayed/rocked back and forth quickly and made loud hushing noises. My DH yelled at me "Don't shake the baby!" It made me feel like the absolute Worst, Weakest Mom on the Planet. I didn't think I was shaking my baby, but apparently DH did. This was months ago and I still remember it and try to be so gentle now. Just this morning, in the wee hours, I said aloud to myself (as I was sleep-deprived, crying and praying to my grandmothers to help me) that this is not how I want to remember how I handled the early mornings and sleepless nights.

I agree with the votes for extra love and cuddles today! You're not a bad mama.

I was just praying to God when it was occurring, "You said you'd never give me more than I can handle, but I'm over my head right now. I need your help!!!"

After we both calmed down, He gave me 2 three hour stretches of sleep. Wow that was amazing. The most sleep I've gotten in two weeks.

[boobs4milk]

s bluwolf! i follow the hnb thread and i just gotta say that even the best amongst us have our down moments. i haven't even made it as long as you and i'm a vet; i should know the drill. all of the sleep deprevation and screaming gets lost over time and all you remember are the sweet coos and drooly face smiles. then you go and get pg again after a long break and have 2 kids that do. not. sleep. oh, oops. lol lost it a little! but we were up with our 4 yr old last night and the 4 mo was wanting to do the unconsolable scream till ya puke thing. i told her to hush night before last and i had to walk away, too.

more s

[annekh23]

I'd feel horrible too, but what I'd take from it is not that I'm a horrible mum, but that I need to have a plan for how to let off steam and that I also need to be alert to I might lose it, so that I can put that plan into action.

My plan is that baby goes in a safe place, usually her crib, with toys if they don't need to sleep, I go to another room, and it needs to be somewhere I can't hear the baby, I'll step outside if necessary. Take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, grab a drink of water and a quick snack if I'm hungry, pee if necessary etc. basically as quickly as possible, meet my physical needs, I'm not talking a long leisurely trip to the bathroom, but 30secs.

Then it's back to the baby and rarely have I found that they are screaming worse! I think they sense our stress and need to be away from that more than they need other needs met and hopefully I'll have gathered myself up enough to meet those needs. Often I'll try a feed lying down or at least a feed where I'm not trying to multitask.

[Auraji]

You're not a bad mom, it happens. We can all get super cranky when we're not well rested and it makes it difficult to deal with things like teething, we cannot be super mom 24/7, we're only human. We will make mistakes, just like everybody else.

[1stBabyAt39]

We all have those days. About a month ago, DD was also having a rough teething day & wouldn't stop crying. I didn't yell at her, but I set her down in her crib & went into the bathroom and had a temper tantrum. Her rubber ducky got the worst of it. DH walked in right when the ducky hit the wall. Oops...

So he took care of DD while I chilled out for a few minutes. Don't beat yourself up about it. Breeeaaathe in, breeeaaathe out, and remember that this too shall pass.

[veganfox]

Sleep deprivation is the worst. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up! These things happen.

[tracymom1]

Oh mama, it is so hard to deal with the lack of sleep. I know exactly how you feel - DD sometimes wakes up 5 or 6 times a night (some nights just once or twice...I can't figure it out ). I actually yelled at my 2yo for the very first time because the poor sleep and stress got to me - I felt so bad - we both cried and hugged each other and then felt better.

Sigh... this too shall pass...

[kgreenemama]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf

I wish my husband was there to wake up! M-F he's traveling for work so it's just me and baby. He gets so upset when he finds out we had a hard night and he wasn't there to help. He really beats himself up over it, but our situation can't change right now.

Funny. I had to read the advice all these mommies gave you (including my own), because I had my own moment last night. Like yours, my husband is gone during the week.

DS went to sleep easily, at his normal time, but woke up 45 minutes later, inconsolable. Crying, whining, wanted nah-mees, didn't want nah-mees, wanted blanket, threw blanket, wanted panda, threw panda, wanted sippy, didn't drink from sippy... At first, I thought he had gas, the way he was rolling around and stretching, but I think he just couldn't get back to sleep. I took him downstairs and we sat on the sofa for a while, then he seemed ready to go back up to bed (two hours later). He fell asleep, but awoke within 20 minutes and started the same routine again. And then I lost it. I screamed at him. Screamed. It hurt my throat, I screamed so loudly. I yelled "What the f*** do you want from me?" I yelled it three times. He just sat there, frozen. I scared both of us. Then I cried, and held him on my lap. He fell asleep finally, and had a couple other (normal) brief wake-ups during the night. I sat up, still crying, and emailed my husband, 100 miles away. This probably only made another person unjustifiably feel guilty. But I had to tell someone, get it off my chest, confess it.

I woke this morning with such a heavy heart. I lay in bed, just staring at his innocent face, and wondered how I let myself lose control like that and use that tone and those words with someone I love so dearly. His day care has web cam, and I've been watching him every free moment I have, and I just want to cry again.

Rereading this thread makes me feel better and reminds me that I'm not alone. My DH called me this morning and expressed his sadness for not being able to be there for us and said that we need to find a way to get our family under one roof all week. That may not happen for a while. How do single moms do this all the time? So much is on my mind right now, and this is getting lengthy enough, but I can't stop thinking about all the violence in the world, the hardship, the injustices, and here I am losing my temper over a kid who doesn't sleep well. I need some sleep myself and some time to reconcile all of this. Sorry to step into another person's thread and turn the topic toward my own issues, but I don't know what I would do without MDC in times like this.

[Beauchamp]

kgreenemama...