Help--4 year old regressing after new sib born

[Bridie's Mama]

We just had our 3rd child 11 days ago...a girl...and also have a 4 1/2 yr old daughter and 2 1/2 yr old son. Our oldest is really acting out...being defiant, disobeying, back talk, etc. I'm sure it has to do with her life being turned upside down from the day we left for the hospital, so I get that. But WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT? She's not in school and I haven't been able to take them to play groups b/c they're both sick, so we've had a few outing to Gramma's house and Target but as for 'getting out' that's about all. But what do I do about the defiance, back talk? I'm adjusting also and constantly nursing and when they both get that way I am at a loss. I need this to stop soon!! I don't like the mommy I've become! TIA!

[claras_mom]

BTDT - what helped the most when dd2 was born was getting in some serious one-on-one (or close to it; baby on one side, big girl on the other). She needed to reconnect. We had a couple of occasions in the first 2-3 weeks where dd1 and I were both crying.

Try asking leading questions. See if you can get her to put a name to what she's feeling and why she's acting the way she is. Talk about it. After awhile, dd got massively into role-playing. She would pretend to be one of the nurses and would bring me food, etc. Oh and another thing would be if there were periods where you were separated from your daughter, she might want to hear exactly what happened when she wasn't around. Repeatedly. In detail. All of that seemed to help my daughter process what had happened.

And of course a certain amount of pissyness is just a part of being 4, if you know what I mean....