Three Year Old NOT Sleeping, I'm Desperate

[jenniet]

My ds (3 years, 3 months old) wakes up many nights and stays awake for two or more hours, refusing to go back to sleep. I don't know why he wakes up, we have asked him and he doesn't seem to know either, but he acts really sleep deprived and it's a huge problem for our whole family. He refuses to nap unless we drive him around in the car. So most days I can't drive around for two hours because I have a 12 month old at home as well. He has always been a poor sleeper (thankfully, the 12 month old is an AMAZING sleeper) but I am convinced his horrible tantrums are a result of chronic sleep deprivation. Dh lays with him in ds's twin bed until he falls asleep every night, which luckily goes smoothly. On a typical night he falls asleep at 7pm, wakes up anytime between 1am and 4am and is awake for up to two hours. He won't sleep in his bed with Dh, he won't sleep in our bed with us, he screams that he wants to go downstairs and play or he just claims he is not sleepy, after about an hour he claims he is hungry no matter how big of a dinner he has had. He then falls back asleep eventually and wakes up for the day around 6 am. Please help! TIA.

[Freud]

Is it possible that 7pm is a little too early. What time does he wake up in the morning (for good?) Maybe try pushing his bedtime back a little and see what happens.

[jenniet]

He wakes up for good at 6am. I could try putting him to sleep later but he is so tired he normally melts down before bed.

[NiteNicole]

Is he ready to drop that nap? I know you're not ready (I certainly wasn't) but by mid-three, my daughter didn't need a nap unless she had a REALLY active day (or series of days in a row). She would sometimes still take one, and then her night time sleep was a mess. It was hard, she was cranky and acted like she could use a nap a lot of days but 100% of the time, if she got that nap she would have a bad night.

Have you considered skipping the nap and trying to let him have some kind of quiet time instead? Maybe after a few days of that, he'd get himself back on track with his night time sleeping?

[LCBMAX]

I have no advice, just bleary-eyed sympathy as my 2 yo son did this last night, and has done it every 3 - 6 weeks since 10 months old. We call it the 2 am party.

If his dad can afford the sleep loss, I hand him off and they go read dull books quietly in another room til my son wants mama and milk again. Sometimes that's the end of it, sometimes we have to do another round. Last night I knew I couldn't strain my husband's reserves, and I don't want to set the precedent that baby and mommy can read books in the night, so we just nursed restlessly, sang lullabies which put me to sleep but not him, rocked, and repeated - for 3 hours. In our case there is no relationship to food, nap, activity, or anything else that we can tell except maybe the moon.

[Hannahkatiebell]

i feel your pain. my ds, two next week, has been doing this every two or three weeks since the fall. when it starts, it usully happens for three nights in a row. i still don't understand. if we try to stay in bed with him, he screams very loudly and just begs to get a drink or go downstairs or play or read books or anything but stay in bed. he only takes small naps early in the mornings, so i don't think napping is the problem. my guess is teeth or missing mama. :yawning yesterday, i had to go to work (i'm a junior kindergarten teacher) on about five hours of sleep. he had woken up 3:45 am!

[Kailey's mom]

Maybe his bedtime is too early?

[LadyCatherine185]

my DS does this from time to time as well, usually it is teething related, but he did it this week and he is done teething except for 2 year molars, which aren't anywhere to be seen... so I don't know why.

Have you considered food allergies/intolerances for your sons waking?

I recommend reading Sleepless In America, it has a lot of great ideas for structuring your day to maximize nighttime sleep.

Also, I would refuse to let him play in the middle of the night. Maybe set an alarm in his (or your) room that signals him when it is time to "wake up" for the day. Give him options (his bed with you or DH, your bed, or a space on the floor in your room, etc) and tell him that he can play quietly in those spaces if he wakes up, or he can have cuddles or sips of water, or whatever you decide is appropriate, and enforce those limits. I would also talk with him about this during the day, maybe make a book about it? (something like, nighttime we sleep with the moon, morning we wake up and play with the sun, etc).. there might be tears, but I think at 3 years old he is definitely old enough to understand some boundaries.

As for the nap, maybe he can just have "quiet" time during the day but not have to sleep. I think 7 pm is a reasonable bedtime if he is waking for the day at 6 AM.

hope you can figure out something soon.

[alfabetsoup]

I would do a reward chart.

I would put a flashlight and a banana in his room and if he wakes up, he can entertain himself but he is not to wake you guys unless he is ready to go back to sleep. If he lasts a whole week without waking you, prize. I know it's not the done thing on mdc but a little incentive might be just the thing he needs.

And I would stop trying to get him to nap at all, and if he does fall asleep in the afternoon, I would wake him up. My DD1 (3.5) dropped her nap a loooong time ago (when DD2 was 6 weeks old, yay) and if she does fall asleep in the car, bedtime is a nightmare. She does wake up every night without fail, but she just climbs into our bed and goes back to sleep.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by alfabetsoup

I would do a reward chart.

I would put a flashlight and a banana in his room and if he wakes up, he can entertain himself but he is not to wake you guys unless he is ready to go back to sleep. If he lasts a whole week without waking you, prize. I know it's not the done thing on mdc but a little incentive might be just the thing he needs.

And I would stop trying to get him to nap at all, and if he does fall asleep in the afternoon, I would wake him up. My DD1 (3.5) dropped her nap a loooong time ago (when DD2 was 6 weeks old, yay) and if she does fall asleep in the car, bedtime is a nightmare. She does wake up every night without fail, but she just climbs into our bed and goes back to sleep.

I like the reward chart idea too.