Switching authority from caregiver to parent at pick up

[rosesarered]

My DD goes to a friend's house once a week for 5 hrs while I work. She has been going there since she was about two, she is 4.5 now. My friend is an amazing parent, I really look up to her in many ways. The whole family has really taken in my DD and made her feel at home.

We often have a difficult time leaving their house at the end of the day. Things had gotten better as the girls got older (my friend has a 5 yo DD and a 2 yr DS.)

Recently though! The running away and overly silly behavior at good bye time has returned. And I think I might be the cause. It is certainly my arrival that prompts the behavior. What has worked in the past is my friend spending time planning with the girls, before pick up, of how they are going to say good-bye. And maybe we need to plan to do that again.

But what drives me insane about the whole thing is I feel like I have lost control. It is just choas. DD doesn't listen to me. I yell stop!, which I don't yell often. And she keeps going. Even Red Light gets ignored. And they just run faster if you chase 'em. I don't know how to corall them.
It feels like we (the group of us) are in a limbo place at pick up where my friend is not the authority (don't know what other word to use) anymore but I haven't stepped up yet.

So how do we do that transfer?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

DD had the same transition problems at preschool. The running thing was bothersome for a while. I explained that if I couldn't trust her, I would have to carry her from the door to the car. She preferred to walk/skip/run to the car herself. I also explained why running was dangerous.

You could use a behavioral approach, if you wanted, like having a ritual of stopping at the nearest convenience store to pick out a treat if she was able to leave appropriately when it was time. The store down the street from preschool had "penny" candies, so I would give DD fifty cents to pick something out.

One thing that worked was enlisting the other child (or children) in accompanying your child to the car to say goodbye. I usually had some sort of goodbye treat in the car, such as marshmallows, which DD would hand out to her friends. I also gave them some transition time, and the other child would usually get into our car for a bit.

Another thing that might help is to have the transition time be "trade a toy" time as well. DD would bring something her friend might enjoy and her friend would offer a toy as well. Then they would give them back to each other next week. It served as a tangible reminder that they would be seeing each other again, and also DD would be distracted looking at the toy while walking to the car.

There's increased energy at transitions, usually. So if you can set aside 15 minutes for them to run together in a safe place (e.g. stay in the yard) after you arrive, that can make it easier to leave.

[rosesarered]

Thanks for the perspective.

It is good to be reminded of the extra energy at transitions. Maybe it isn't something I am doing or not doing. Maybe it just is. And I should plan for some craziness.

I think part of it is a change in pick up spots. I've been picking DD up at the friend's ballet class verses the house.

Next week I'll offer 5 minutes of running around (with chasing if desired!) and see how that goes...

Thanks again.