i stopped trying to bf - Page 2

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/6/11 at 8:26am

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by heartandhands

It really seems that you are unhappy with your decision and it is NOT too late!!! You can relactate with domperidone, proper information and support. While you are rebuilding a supply, you could consider using lactaid in order to have your dd at the breast.

I totally agree with heartandhands. If you don't want to relactate that's completely your decision but there's so much regret in your posts.
Even if you don't have a full supply, you can still nurse your baby.
I remember the absolute despair I felt when nursing didn't go as I'd hoped but my son is 18 months and still nursing thanks the Lact-Aid.
Hang in there, mama. I hope you can find someone to talk to.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

(...)
Comments like this really rile me the wrong way. If you don't know what it's like to fail at breastfeeding, you have no absolutely no business telling a mother whose been through this before and who knows the signs to stick it out for another week. Breastmilk really isn't worth all costs.
(...)

Yikes!! I only mentioned it because she seemed so upset with her decision & had tried just that morning to get baby to latch on! I wasn't trying to make her change her mind. I felt like she was depressed & anxious & frustrated and I just wanted to cover several options she has. I specifically said that if she was sure of her decision, I wasn't trying to sway her. FWIW, though, I have a few friends who I gave very similar advice to. One, for example, had NO milk for the first 8 days. She had very very low supply after that. But with time & lots of support & resources she was eventually able to build up a good supply & EBF. Her DD is now a year old & they're still going strong with BF'ing and she is very glad she didn't give up! However, she was NOT dealing with PPD. When you throw PPD in the mix, all bets are off. I often wish I didn't bother with BF'ing for the first 2 months of DS's life. Those first few months were some of the worst months in my life (and believe me, I've had a rough life, so that's saying a lot). But right now I am sitting with my 1yo DS in my lap after he just nursed to sleep and I wouldn't change it for the world. For me, the long-term way out-weighed the short-term. I know this is not true for every mama. I've read your birth story on the BT board and I know you've had a really really really horrible time. Please don't take offense when I say that I feel like your personal situation has really made you bitter about things like this and I never intended to cause the OP any more stress or pain or despair. I was only trying to remind her that many of us have a tough time in the beginning and some of us end up glad that we stuck it out (and I'm sure others regret it).

Anyway. I had wanted to add to the OP: I know you are reluctant to take time away from your newborn but your baby needs a healthy & happy mama. If taking some time to be with just your older child, or taking some time to be by yourself, will help you feel better then please take that time!! I'm sure your friends or family would love to watch the baby for an hour or two to give you a break and some time to de-stress!! You may enjoy the time you do spend with your newborn much more if you're able to get away just a bit.

[goodygumdrops]

goes to show....do you know how often mom's are told they don't have adequate milk supply and start supplementing. Unfortunately, doctor are not always major proponents of breastfeeding and will automatically start babes on formula. This happens so much that it's one of the biggest reasons women are made to thing they don't have an adequate supply. That said, I have no idea the circumstances of situation but I would certainly hope the the op saw an IBCLC. Not an LC or CLC or lactation educator but an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.

That said, the op does not need to stop nursing because she isn't producing enough milk. ANY milk the babe gets is helpful and it will certainly help the mom to ride herself of some of the guilt she is feeling (which she shouldn't by the way). I think that non-nutritive breastfeeding is very important and normal and women shouldn't feel they need stop.

Anyway, Just my 2 cents.

[balancedmama]

Originally Posted by Solose

I know that dd was not gaining weight though she was being bfed almost constantly and had a good latch and i was doing breast compression. I dont think it could be anything other than low supply.

I hear what you are saying, and what you are feeling...but even if it was low supply...low supply doesn't prevent you from breastfeeding. Your baby was getting a lot of milk from you. Whether it was not quite enough, or could have been more or less, is beside the point. A possible low supply does not require that you quit nursing entirely. What seems to me though is that your depression and anxiety caused you to give up entirely. I only called attention to that in order to possibly help you to realize that your depression and anxiety are in fact having a huge impact in your life, and that seeking treatment is of utmost importance. These are things I wish someone would have helped me see earlier as I was struggling with PPD (and low supply too, with both children).

[mauinokaoi]

It actually might be over supply. I gave myself oversupply by pumping (I thought I wasn't getting much but I found out some people just can't pump) and breast compression and constant side switching.

She could have plenty of dirty diapers but not be gaining because there is a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance.

[writteninkursive]

I have BEEN there, Mama! With my first, I couldn't BF and I wanted to sooo desperately. She had ABO Incompatibility Jaundice very severely and would simply go to sleep at the breast. I would do everything in my power to wake her up and get her to eat, but she wouldn't, and she lost tons of weight and was so lethargic. And her jaundice got worse. I had no choice but to supplement her, and pumping did not work well for me (which I attribute to a crappy pump). I got PPD and would just cry for days. I was miserable. Everything I had thought being a mother was, was encompassed in breastfeeding. I had been so sure I would do it; I was an advocate for it before I even had children.

So when #2 was born, I was in the same boat you were. I was so thrilled that she was a great eater. But I was still on hardcore meds from the c-section and it was affected her very much. She was very sleepy and wouldn't respond well to me. It was ... abnormal. And I chose then and there to just stop breastfeeding her. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

But I think it's really, really important that you consider your psychological well-being. It's as important that you are mentally healthy as it is that your baby is healthy. It was very hard for me to adjust to that concept. I was NOT okay trying to battle inner demons about breastfeeding. Yes, I felt it was my JOB, my duty to my child to breastfeed her. But honestly, she did okay with formula. She had some gastric issues.. diarrhea with the first, constipation with the second. But we worked through those things (and found that probiotics cured them instantly!).

I took the time to recover psychologically. It was healthier for me not to breastfeed her. I needed to have my own identity, and breastfeeding was very difficult and caused me a lot of psychological issues.

Lucky for me, I have a 5-month-old son who does breastfeed. I am in a place now where breastfeeding works for me! I am in a better relationship now, engaged to a different man than I was married to when my first two children were born. That made ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD to me! And third time was the charm. I am mentally where I want to be, and still able to feed my child. And I got a better pump, which helped massively!

Everything will be okay, Mama. Your baby will grow and be okay. And you can always try again if you have another. Just take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of your baby.

((Hugs!!!))

[Tumble Bumbles]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

I can't let this go. This is the most freaking annoying thing that people say to mothers who have low supply issues. "Stick it out for another week, and it'll get better!" "You'll so regret it if you don't!" "It'll be worth it in the end!"

Meanwhile said low supply mother is hooked up to a pump for hours and hours a day to get maybe one oz of milk, which she then immediately gives to the baby, followed by more nursing, followed by a supplement, followed by more hours on the pump for that one, maybe two oz, which is then given to the baby immediately, followed by more nursing, followed by a supplement, followed by more hours on the pump.

And in all those hours of trying to get food into the baby, she maybe holds the baby for non-feeding reasons for about ten minutes out of every two hours. There's no time to play with the baby. There's no time to enjoy the baby. There's no time to do anything BUT feed the baby. And then instead of gaining weight, the baby is losing weight or in a good case scenario holding steady. And it gets too much and breastfeeding is filled with nothing but tears and you're just so ready to quit because is it really worth that last little piece of your sanity? You mention it to someone that you're going to give it up, and what does that someone say? "Maybe if you could get through the next few weeks it would be worth it in the long run?"

And at that, you either give up with a ton more guilt than you deserve or you stick it out for another stressful week to have the entire conversation repeat itself. And then you feel you have to JUSTIFY your decision in the end because IT WASN'T WORTH IT for the long run.Comments like this really rile me the wrong way. If you don't know what it's like to fail at breastfeeding, you have no absolutely no business telling a mother whose been through this before and who knows the signs to stick it out for another week. Breastmilk really isn't worth all costs.

OP, I'm so sorry. I've been there and it eats away at me every day. It sucks and isn't fair, but to me it sounds like you made the best all around decision for your family. There really is only so hard you can try before it gets to be too much.

Wow, thank you for this. The experience I bolded was the first 4 weeks of my daughter's life that I will never get back with her. The experience ended because by the end of that fourth week, I was so sleep deprived I collapsed and had to spend 4 days in the hospital, away from my baby, because "good, attached mothers" breastfeed, and if you use formula, you are poisoning your baby.

I absolutely refuse to go there again. Yes, I will give breastfeeding an honest and authentic attempt should I have another, but I refuse to put my mental and physical life on the line to breastfeed.

OP, if you feel that the roller coaster of trying to breastfeed is too much for your mental health right now, absolutely do not feel guilty. Your children need a mentally stable mother more than they need breastmilk. That is my opinion, and I am very pro-breastfeeding, had a home birth, don't vax, etc, fwiw.

[herbsgirl]

Just want to say as a mother who has had 4 children, I have been in your situation somewhat twice. Only I have TONS of MILK. Tons of it. But my babies would not nurse properly, and I had severe sleep deprivation, Horrible Anxiety, and MOderate/Severe Postpartum Depression, and a baby who did not want to nurse, he could care less, It almost painful a bit to this day to even think about. I think I made myself 5 years older in the 9 weeks that I practically pumped around the clock, and sleep deprived myself so badly that I couldnt hardly walk sometimes.

As soon as I put my son on a bottle, I started Relaxing. Im serious! I got of of the depression meds, and tried to heal, determined to try to nurse my next baby.

Well, baby #4 came along, and things did not go well. She was 2+ weeks early. She just could not latch properly. All of sudden it was like, I cant do this, I dont want to do this, I cant go through the weeks and weeks of agony trying to get this baby to nurse. So I started pumping and putting it in a bottle. I was having Pospartum depression SO BAD, that I considered going to a mental hospital almost, for a short time, if things didnt start getting better. I hemmorhaged in my birth, and felt dizzy/fainting/panic spells several times daily, Add that to antibiotics for a plugged duct/mastitis from the time the baby was a few days old until she was 5 weeks almost solid. Finally I ended up in the hospital with Mastitis with IV's on me. I was like, I am done, I am done, there is no way I am going to go through this. The antibiotics just were hardly working anymore, and they said they had one more stronger antibiotic they could have used (I think Vancomycin?) If most of the antibiotis werent working I just knew I wanted to wean, it seemed very threatning to my health to get mastitis again, plus she was drinking breastmilk out of a bottle.

Finally she got Formula (yep, formula) at 5-6 weeks of age!


I have been there, I know. Breastfeeding WAS too taxing for my mental health almost. I know what it is like. It was better for me to formula feed than go CRAZY in my mind. I love my kids, but sometimes breastfeeding does not go well, and sometimes mothers are so sleep deprived they cant even stand or walk, believe me, I know!

God Bless you, and keep you, I have been there!

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by mauinokaoi

It actually might be over supply. I gave myself oversupply by pumping (I thought I wasn't getting much but I found out some people just can't pump) and breast compression and constant side switching.

She could have plenty of dirty diapers but not be gaining because there is a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance.

Yep! My milk took a long time to come in and DD had a strong tongue tie. In the meantime I added pumping sessions and gave drops of colostrum to DD while nursing around the clock. I also did breast compressions and followed the videos I found on www.drjacknewman.com.

By about 2 months, my little one was gassy, wailing and not gaining well b/c she was getting tons of foremilk. I had to pump before latching her on and block feed. But it did the trick in about 3 days and that seemed to end our nursing establishment.

OP, why not supplement through an SNS system? Your story about how she was rooting at your chest and how it made you feel really stuck out at me...you can supplement and still nurse!