I got assertive for once..need support!

[kgrace]

Background, a middle aged guy, never married, from my church.
Came to My house for potluck ,had a sad story about his treatment in the ER, and I tried to make him feel better by saying I understood his frustration, part of why I homebirthed my baby.
He tells me wow, a really bad idea "what if something bad happens?!
Normally I back down and inside get bothered inside, homebirth is not well known, this guy I let him have it!!!

I said #1 are you an expert in womens health? -No
#2 do you have any idea what complications can happen during birth? -no.
Well then you don't have an "informed" opinion? -No

But he says"my mom was an OBGYN nurse"
"I've been a Pediatric nurse for 10 years I tell him!!

Finally he tried to related impacted wisdom tooth surgery to birth. Said he had it done in a hospital in case "something bad happened"
I wanted to rant, birth is not an elective surgical procedure!!! I just told him an oral surgeon removed my 4 wisdom teeth in his office with conscious sedation and I survived.
I really shouldn't engage. But this guy likes to debate and has 0 emotional intelligence it seems. With my last kid, about a month after delivery he said it looked like I "had another baby in there". I'm not worried about offending him.
But I just wish I didn't get so worked up.

I'm the one who was upset the rest of the evening, and now wishing I could avoid all socializing this third trimester.Maybe I should socialize with pro homebirthers more?If I could find any?

[emnic77]

Hey, good for you. The way I see it, there's nothing *bad* about getting fired up about something you're passionate about. I love a good debate and am happy to go toe to toe with someone...especially when I know I'm right.

[*MamaJen*]

I find it helps to be super well informed about the facts -- that way you can debate well. It's also great to have an "elevator line". Mine is something like, "Numerous large scale studies have shown that planned homebirths attended by a trained midwife have very similar safety rate as compared to hospital births, but with much lower rates of potentially harmful interventions, such as the 33 percent C-section rate in the U.S. today. Midwives carry equipment such as oxygen tanks and can handle most minor emergencies. Problems that would require hospitalization typically present themselves well in advance of labor starting, and if a hospital transfer is indicated during labor, there is typically plenty of time to make it there."
That usually works.

[dannic]

I get bothered inside too. But good for you for standing up for yourself. Isn't it helpful when they display their ignorance so blatantly?
Aside from family, no one knows I'm pregnant yet. With my last (1st HB) I didn't tell anyone for the first 7 months. I didn't want something that I knew was right for me up for debate. Suddenly, at 7 months, I let the whole world know.
It'll be interesting how people handle it this time around.

[laughymama]

Originally Posted by *MamaJen*

I find it helps to be super well informed about the facts -- that way you can debate well. It's also great to have an "elevator line". Mine is something like, "Numerous large scale studies have shown that planned homebirths attended by a trained midwife have very similar safety rate as compared to hospital births, but with much lower rates of potentially harmful interventions, such as the 33 percent C-section rate in the U.S. today. Midwives carry equipment such as oxygen tanks and can handle most minor emergencies. Problems that would require hospitalization typically present themselves well in advance of labor starting, and if a hospital transfer is indicated during labor, there is typically plenty of time to make it there."
That usually works.

Oooo, I'm going to borrow this!

[miriam]

Tell him the hospital was the right place for him not you.

[josie423]

I had some old man tell me once that midwives have no idea what they are doing, they are stupid, untrained, and dangerous. I let him have, boy was I seeing red. Good for you for sticking up for yourself/your homebirth!