Help! I HATE nursing her. - Page 2

[RedPony]

Originally Posted by GinnyMama

I figured out part of what bugs me about it yesterday. When my baby nurses, it doesn't really feel like anything. When DD nurses, it's almost like an extremely unwanted sexual touch. I hate it!

This is exactly how I've felt for almost a year now. I've been tandeming for 10 months and I am DONE. When DD1 turns four, it's over, and she knows it. (DD3 will be 13 months then.)

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! If I didn't know our time left was so short, I would have quit a long time ago. :

ETA: Geesh, this sounds really negative. Sorry! But I do have that exact feeling and it creeps me out. DD1 is only nursing once or twice a day for a few seconds at a time, thank goodness. I can and do handle that. But I don't like it, and 4 is our agreed upon stopping date, so she does/did have a hand in the decision. Two years was always my goal for nursing her, and had I really really had an issue before this, I would have found some way for the two of us to wean peaceably. As it is, I almost feel as tho we're dragging it out a bit too long (for us as a nursing couple, doesn't apply to anyone else).

[Erin082]

Mine is 14 months and I'm starting to feel the same way . . . but sooo guilty about it. The brutal biting is NOT helping either

[MountainMamaGC]

I feel that breastfeeding beyond infancy should be a mutually desire relationship. Once its no longer that way then it needs to ended or be cut back. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way and it may be time to end the relationship. How you wean her is entirely up to you. Tandem nursing is not for everyone. JMO. Just offering a different point of veiw.

However it may be a phase too. I felt that way at about 14 months and it passed. Now I am at just about 2 years and I feel its time to end it soon. We are down to nursing twice a day and I had to restrict it to that much a few months ago or I would have quit all together.

[MamaDoulaOwl]

still tandem nursing!

Okay, now that I have googled the meanings of DH, DD, DS I feel I can get some posting done here at Mothering Dot Community!

My DD, who will be 4 in the Fall is still an avid nurser. And I am still, more often than not, very irritated by it. My DS, who is 7 months, is also an avid nurser, does not bother me at all when I nurse him. Even when he tests out his new little teeth a bit it's not nearly as irritating as some of the nursing sessions with my DD.

I've entertained the idea of a cold turkey cut off just for sanity's sake. But I realize I don't want to do that. I am still feeling more devoted to letting her wean herself than I am to getting her the heck off me.

I have to remember what led me to this situation. My DH and I are AP. Breastfeeding is just a given. we're committed to letting things happen naturally... like birth, like breastfeeding, like bedtimes, and weaning... among so much more. Even though we've had some struggles with nursing lately- Life together as a family is great overall. We love each other and live well.

Having said that, there is no denying that my nursing relationship with my DD has often been a source of very negative feelings for me.

Things that have helped make it more tolerable:

-Counting
I tell her she can have 30 seconds (or 20 or 10) on each side and I stick to it. This often works really well! But sometimes she keeps demanding more and grabbing at me and having a fit till I give in and let her.

-Occasionally letting DD and DS nurse at the same time
It is really touching to see them interact so sweetly. And it sometimes helps take my mind off the sensation of nursing the older one if I focus on DS, or on the gentle sibling connection the two of them are sharing.

-Distraction distraction distraction
Oh, hey, it's that purple crayon you were looking for! Oh, hey, did you see the new flowers in the garden? Oh, hey, it's something yummy to eat. Oh, hey, let's watch a show. (wish I could use "let's read a book" as a distraction but that requires sitting close together and before I know it she's latched on.)
Sometimes this only works when the distraction is REALLY good.
which brings me to:

-Bribes
yeah. I'm not proud of this one. Desperate measures.
In a tight spot when I really cannot imagine tolerating nursing her, and she is being very insistent, I will give her treats. (a cookie, a piece of chocolate, a bowl of yogurt and blueberries, or ice cream. (am I setting her up for disordered eating?) Anything that will buy me some time at the very least~! I feel icky about this one. But sometimes I panic and will do anything to not be pinned to the couch under a big heavy kid who is sucking on my boobs!)

I'm torn about tandem nursing, and particularly nursing my eldest, on a daily basis. But that's just the way it is for now. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. Making positive memories and raising happy, healthy kids... this is what matters.

It's a great comfort to know that these feelings are more common than I thought at first. Reading books about nursing (like "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding") and reading Mothering (of course!) and this message board really help.

[mommy amber]

YES!
I could have written the op...
that being said, I am approaching the 18mo mark of tandeming my 4yo and my 18mo
BUT
it has been a dance.
we tried weaning when dd was 3 (and ds was about 3mo)...we set up a weaning date 1 mo out, talked about it a lot, planned a party, etc but as the date approached I could tell dd was getting more and more anxious and clingy...and we revisited the idea and we came up with a solution that felt right for both of us (she could pick 1 nursing session during the day to keep and we would keep going with it until she was ready to be done- she ended up choosing her nursing right before bed session)
it still creeps me out when she nurses sometimes, but not all the time like it used to...and it's bearable b/c it's only 1x/day. some evenings if it's been a particularly trying day, I'll talk with her about skipping that evening and doing it the next morning and she's usually okay with that...some nights I can only stand 30 seconds b/f I tell her we need to be finished, some nights she doesn't even ask anymore, some nights it feels okay to let her finish a breast...we bend our rules when occasion calls for it, if she's sick, hurt, or just having a rotten day, I might occasionally offer some mama milk...
we've found a balance...it's the best any of us can do.
tandeming is a hard hard thing-
I felt so disappointed after ds arrived b/c I was SURE the aversion I suffered through pg would go away and when it didn't I just felt like such a failure...and I wasn't sure how we would go on, I knew dd still needed to nurse, especially during the rough transition of becoming a big sis...we just kept talking and working with what we had until we found our groove.
good luck mama!!!!