6yo having problems with listening/respect

[Marilyn82]

My 6 yo DS is having some problems in school (Montessori). Basically, he is not listening and "not absorbing" anything. He is also being disrespectful (gets up and walks out in the middle of lessons, says he doesn't want to do it anymore, acts overly dramatic and exasperated when asked to do something, etc.) He is doing these things at home as well and I don't know what to do about it. When I try to talk to him, he just acts like he isn't listening/doesn't care. When we tell him to do something, he just acts like we never said anything.

I don't know if there is maybe something more going on (a friend mentioned perhaps an auditory processing problem/ADHD issue. I've looked into them and he *could* fit either category based on his behavior, but I'm not sure.) or not. I know his hearing is fine because it was recently checked. I think he is really overly afraid of failing and it causes him to not want to try sometimes.

He also seems really disinterested in learning, period.

I'm lost and frustrated and just wondering if anyone has had a similar problem.

[RiverSky]

Have you read "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"?
My initial thought from your message is that you didn't give enough specific info. You didn't describe what you meant by your talking to him and his not listening. The listening and not absorbing thing seems to me to be a school issue, personally, but I'm not very pro-school and can only imagine teachers who barely know what's going on in the classroom and certainly don't know everything that is going on with each child. My other thought is that 6 is still very young. When you tell him something and he acts like nothing happened, do you mean that he ignores you or that he is so focused on his play that he didn't even hear you because his imagination was so busy?

[hergrace]

Originally Posted by Marilyn82

I don't know if there is maybe something more going on (a friend mentioned perhaps an auditory processing problem/ADHD issue. I've looked into them and he *could* fit either category based on his behavior, but I'm not sure.) or not. I know his hearing is fine because it was recently checked. I think he is really overly afraid of failing and it causes him to not want to try sometimes.

FYI, hearing and auditory processing are completely different, so you can't rule out a processing issue.

We have similar problems with DS1 and haven't made much headway on it. It is a real problem with his school and at home. Wish I had suggestions to help.

[SunshineJ]

I have a 7 yr old and a 5.5 yr old and I gotta say part of it HAS to be the age. If I had to pinpoint the main issue in our house it would be not listening. The only way I've found to combat it at all is when I finally get fed up I'll warn them that their not listening will result in their missing out on something good sometime. Then I'll randomly throw in something like "I need you to clean your room. If you do it now then we'll go out for ice cream afterwards". They don't listen as usual. So then I follow up with, "Gee it's too bad you guys didn't want ice cream" which is met with swiftly raised heads and "HUH??". I then explain what they just missed out on - and that they still have to clean their rooms. Amazingly after that they suddenly have no issues with listening to what I say! (I also used that originally to test if we were dealing with selective hearing or an actual issue that they couldn't control. For mine, it was all about what they chose to hear.) It lasts for about a week or so. It's not perfect parenting, but it's better than fighting with them or screaming at them to get them to listen, kwim?

Now, there may be actual issues at play with your DS rather than willfully ignoring what's being said. The getting up and walking out at school would concern me, and I'd be wondering if either he wasn't challenged and was bored, if the school wasn't a good fit for his personality, or if there were something else going on. The not listening, however, is not unusual at this age.

[One_Girl]

I would worry about having my child at a school where she was allowed to walk away from the teacher and check out of learning. My dd had a similar situation in public school and i chose to keep her home to teach her for the rest of the year because I want believe that learning is important. At home I empathize then tell her to go do what I asked her to do. When/then works very well also. If you are worried about school, maybe he needs to be in an environment where he is required to be on task learning something. My friend's son goes to a Montessori school where they challenge the kids at their level and require them to stay engaged in one of their choice activities, they also have things they must complete during the day. He is also a wanderer, but the teachers quickly redirect him back to his task and don't allow him to choose to walk away. Perhaps there is another Montessori school in your area where he can benefit from the type of school you want him in while still learning. There is also a chance that Montessori just isn't for him and he would benefit from another school setting whether it is private school, public school, a Waldorf school, a charter school, or homeschool. School isn't a one size fits all no matter what school it is, that is why there are so many options out there.

[Lolafanana]

Could he be bored? Could it be possible that he is absorbing everything really fast and needs more mental stimulation?

(as a teacher, i often see the behavior you describe as boredom or just simply being too smart for the material)