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I just want someone to read this. - Page 3

post #41 of 53
Wanted you to know you are not alone. Keep moving forward in your healing. Read alice miller, john bradshaw, louise hay, sark. try therapy or energy healing. It makes life hard, no doubt. The only thing that makes it better is that we are responsible for our own healing and we can do better with our own dc.

Hang in there and share with your dh. Holding back doesn't help intimacy. Intimacy can be so healing, esp if he is a good guy and a good daddy. I watch my dh and dc and am just so grateful.
post #42 of 53
I read it.
post #43 of 53
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post #44 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by LavenderMae View Post
From one daddy-less little girl (now grown woman) to another.
Yeah that

It's amazing that the pain is still so deep.
post #45 of 53
It sounds like you are on your way to a long healing process. In telling your husband, what is your fear? Alice Miller books have been helpful to read. Oddly, the book 'Playful Parenting' has helped me to express myself in more positive ways, look for my true self in all my relationships. A good therapist may help guide you though this painful period.
post #46 of 53
I read it, and i'm so sorry you've lived with that pain. My oldest son's father abandoned us when my boy was 17 months old. He's 15 now and I still haven't told him that his daddy isn't biologically his. I know my husband loves my oldest as if her were his own, and he wants the very best for him with all his heart. My daddy wasn't biologically my dad either, but i wasn't told till i was 27. I don' t think i've ever mourned the loss, because my mother picked a much better man to be my daddy than I ever could have expected. I suspected a few times that I wasn't his, but it was more to timing (him in basic training vs the month I was born) than because of any way that he ever treated me. I do wish your dad had treated you as special. I always thought of myself as a daddy's girl. I've been struggling with when I should make my son's biological facts known, and I think it's safer to go with later rather than earlier, would you agree?
post #47 of 53
I have read and heard you.

I'm a me, too, on the "father but no daddy," though he has long since died (died emotionally long before his physical death).

In foster care for much of my teens, started bulimia there...I wonder how many of us have food issues from this.

You deserve to be loved and you deserve not to have to try so very hard. You deserve to be loved for just being. You are helping others by reaching out, but that's not your job! Peace to you.
post #48 of 53


so beautiful to have such an empowering realization. you are such a valuable person. wonderful and unique.
post #49 of 53

i feel your hurt too.
post #50 of 53
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by enfpintj View Post

Hang in there and share with your dh. Holding back doesn't help intimacy. Intimacy can be so healing, esp if he is a good guy and a good daddy. I watch my dh and dc and am just so grateful they'll never know what I did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Punchy Kaby View Post
It sounds like you are on your way to a long healing process. In telling your husband, what is your fear?
I don't know how much DH knew, but I have avoided talking to him about my food issues since we were engaged. I told him I was bulimic at that time and he FLIPPED out and didn't want to get married anymore. I told him I would stop, and I tried, but it just came back to bite me in the butt.

So I didn't want to tell him. But I have always meant to share this blog with him - I just wanted to get it better established first, you know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JessicaTX View Post
I read it, and i'm so sorry you've lived with that pain. My oldest son's father abandoned us when my boy was 17 months old. He's 15 now and I still haven't told him that his daddy isn't biologically his. I know my husband loves my oldest as if her were his own, and he wants the very best for him with all his heart. My daddy wasn't biologically my dad either, but i wasn't told till i was 27. I don' t think i've ever mourned the loss, because my mother picked a much better man to be my daddy than I ever could have expected. I suspected a few times that I wasn't his, but it was more to timing (him in basic training vs the month I was born) than because of any way that he ever treated me. I do wish your dad had treated you as special. I always thought of myself as a daddy's girl. I've been struggling with when I should make my son's biological facts known, and I think it's safer to go with later rather than earlier, would you agree?
Jessica, the problems I had regarding my adoption was exactly that - I felt my WHOLE life that if my real daddy J. was around, he would love me and take care of me and treat me like I was special since D. (stepdad) didn't - and I still suspect to this day that he only adopted me legally because otherwise my mom wouldn't marry him. My mom is a good woman, but when it comes to D. and my relationship she's a little blind. Your husband sounds like a good man, so I don't know if you should really worry about it. Maybe tell him when he's 21? No idea. Good luck with that though.

For the record, in my case I would have figured it out eventually as A) I remembered when my mom and stepdad got married (I was 3 at the time) and B) my stepdad is very, very Hispanic and my mom and I are very, very white. It kinda should have been obvious to me that I wasn't really his, but I never really considered the possibility that someone else was my dad. I thought I was conceived by the Force or like Jesus was or something. Blasphemous but I was a naive little 8 year old who rarely looked out of her fantasy books to learn about the real world

In any case, I went to talk to my church leader about this on Sunday and to ask for help. The ward is going to pay for my counseling, and I did end up telling Nate and letting him know that I am still struggling with bulimia. It went well and he didn't flip out or demand a divorce, so I guess we'll see how it goes from here.
post #51 of 53
post #52 of 53
I am glad you told your husband and are going to counseling. good luck to you and keep working on yourself.
post #53 of 53
Your blog made me cry.

I have always wanted a Daddy too. I was raised by a solo mom and did end up meeting my dad for the first time when I was 22. I ended up getting a Daddy the only way I knew how. I married one. He's 20 years older than I am and I can't say that was the best decision of my life .

Good luck with your healing journey. It seems like you have a lot to deal with regarding the abuse you suffered by the hands of your step-dad. I'm sending lots of love your way.
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