Need advice about moving to a different area from my ex: how to tell him? - Page 2

[La Sombra]

Good luck, mama! Decisions like these are not always easy but it sounds like you are doing what you think is best for you and ds right now so I wish you the best in that!

[hazeldust]

I thought the tone wash harsh too and not very supportive. Just wanted to say good luck. You sound like a smart loving mama and I think it's great that you decided to stay close to your kids dad. Give it time; Who knows what may occur in the future<3

[meemee]

devya - what the pp said maybe sounds harsh - but it is absolutely true.

this isnt really about lawyers and what the law says. its more about the 3 of you involved and now gparents will soon appear in the picture.

i can also relate to you 'coz i am in kinda the same boat. i want to move to the next small town thankfully not that far away. however - i havent because i have not found a good solution to how dd will see ex. right now we do everyday changes. that would not work if i moved. i will have to move in a couple of years to go to school there. that town is soooo much suited for dd and me. in fact we do get to go quite often and hang out. we go hiking near there.

but i dont have a picture of how i am going to make it happen without either of us losing out on dd. where would she go to school? who would take her? i would have to do all the transportation coz ex will not do it.

if i had insisted i could have already moved and made drastic changes. but the ultimate loser would have been dd. i would never be able to look into her eyes and accept that i was the one who reduced daddy time for her.

so instead we go there as often as we swing it. we keep tabs of what's major happening there. we sometimes go and play in the park there.

dd would not only have more opportunities for the outdoors, but she would also get more opportunities in art that she enjoys. however seh is deeply connected to her dad. i just cannot have the heart to change the system we have.

more important to me is for her to have her dad in her life rather than move and reduce their time together.

also one more thing. ex is extremely pigheaded and sometimes illogical. dd is 7 and she has really helped him deal with this. she really has in her own way shown him the shades of grey in life instead of focusing only on black and white as he does. so i can see how much ex needs dd. he cant handle her for long periods the reason why we have custody the way we do. after 4 years he is slowly learning how to a father, how to be her dad. as a parent, i could never take that away from another parent, even if he is a stil-trying-to controll me - ex.

[La Sombra]

Originally Posted by meemee

devya - what the pp said maybe sounds harsh - but it is absolutely true.

this isnt really about lawyers and what the law says. its more about the 3 of you involved and now gparents will soon appear in the picture.

i can also relate to you 'coz i am in kinda the same boat. i want to move to the next small town thankfully not that far away. however - i havent because i have not found a good solution to how dd will see ex. right now we do everyday changes. that would not work if i moved. i will have to move in a couple of years to go to school there. that town is soooo much suited for dd and me. in fact we do get to go quite often and hang out. we go hiking near there.

but i dont have a picture of how i am going to make it happen without either of us losing out on dd. where would she go to school? who would take her? i would have to do all the transportation coz ex will not do it.

if i had insisted i could have already moved and made drastic changes. but the ultimate loser would have been dd. i would never be able to look into her eyes and accept that i was the one who reduced daddy time for her.

so instead we go there as often as we swing it. we keep tabs of what's major happening there. we sometimes go and play in the park there.

dd would not only have more opportunities for the outdoors, but she would also get more opportunities in art that she enjoys. however seh is deeply connected to her dad. i just cannot have the heart to change the system we have.

more important to me is for her to have her dad in her life rather than move and reduce their time together.

also one more thing. ex is extremely pigheaded and sometimes illogical. dd is 7 and she has really helped him deal with this. she really has in her own way shown him the shades of grey in life instead of focusing only on black and white as he does. so i can see how much ex needs dd. he cant handle her for long periods the reason why we have custody the way we do. after 4 years he is slowly learning how to a father, how to be her dad. as a parent, i could never take that away from another parent, even if he is a stil-trying-to controll me - ex.

meemee, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your posts, in general! I don't know if this thread is the place to do it but I find your posts really thoughtful and kind and wise and it is that kind of tone that makes me love MDC. Glad you are part of the community!