Would you be offended if I asked you this.

[Momily]

If you had identical twins in the same school, and a professional who worked with them together (e.g. speech therapist) admitted she couldn't always tell them apart and asked you to dress them differently, or gave them bracelets so she could tell them apart -- would that bother you?

[sncmom]

Don't have twins, but I don't think I'd be offended. I wouldn't expect her to know my kids as well as I do if she's only spending a couple of hours/week with them.

[MamaChicken]

No. I wouldn't be offended. I might not comply, but it wouldn't offend me. I would probably offer some hints on how to tell them apart. But then again, I rarely dress my boys the same so the problem might not come up.

[Momily]

I can tell them apart (more based on personality than on appearance) but it takes some time, and they have to be relatively close and standing still. If we're on the playground and I want to call to one or if we're playing a game where they're up and moving around it's easy to lose track of who is who.

My son has identical twin friends and I see their parents make similar errors (e.g. we're at the pool, and they have to ask one to turn around before they can tell) so I'm not sure it's just that I'm not around them much.

[Freeman]

No, I would want her to be able to tell them apart so that they could both receive the maximum benefit from their therapy. Bracelets seem easy.

[Intertwined]

My twins are not MZ but in theory it would not offend/bother me and I'd likely comply to make it easy on the therapist. I've never even remotely spent time dressing my boy/girl pair alike but I'm sure the temptation would be much great with MZ twins!

[SuzyQ2+2]

I wouldn't be offended at all.

Of course, I dress my identical twins different so that *I* can tell who they are

I think if you approach the subject in a gentle way and help the parents to understand how it could help their children in terms of their therapy it should be fairly well received.

[annekh23]

I've heard of parents who've painted nail varnish on a toenail of identical twins, triplets or quads to be able to distinguish them.

I wouldn't be offended at all, particularly from someone who spends so little time with them. It's not long since my husband stopped occasionally asking me which way round our friend's non identical twins are and they just turned 10!

[Valerieg]

I don't know what I'm having yet....but regardless I wouldn't be offended. Twins are sometimes difficult to tell apart and I'd rather that she be honest so that they could get the most out of their therapy.

I've been with my DH for 8 years and we have MZ nephews. Until recently I couldn't tell them apart and the only reason I can now is that they've come more into their own (they are 24) and look totally different.

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by Intertwined

My twins are not MZ but in theory it would not offend/bother me and I'd likely comply to make it easy on the therapist. I've never even remotely spent time dressing my boy/girl pair alike but I'm sure the temptation would be much great with MZ twins!

Me too. I would probably be more offended if you treated them as one person and couldn't be bothered trying to tell them apart.

[Llyra]

If you asked respectfully and tactfully, I think I'd be PLEASED that somebody cared about their individuality so much.

[Spring Lily]

The echo the other posts, no I wouldn't be offended at all. Actually, if they were dressing so identically that people were having trouble telling them apart at school like that, I'd probably be more concerned about all the ways I wasn't hearing about that it could be affecting their social and school lives.

[Momily]

I don't think it effects their social lives greatly because they are in different classes. We have another pair of identical twins who are in the same class at parent request and always dress identically and that's a much bigger problem. In this case, the only time they're together for long is either something like an assembly, which isn't that social, or if I or another therapist pulls them together. I don't think the parent is dressing them identically, so much as the kids like looking alike and pull the same clothes out of their drawers -- but that's a guess based on their personalities, and the fact that I think the parent emphasizes appropriate independence at home.

The other day I had pulled on twin alone out in the hallway to work on a project, we worked for about half an hour, finished and then he went back and I pulled the other one. He'd been working for literally a moment when a staff member came by and 1) praised him for working soooo long with me, and then 2) expressed surprised that his project seemed like it had just been started. It took me a minute to realize that she thought I still had the same kid.

[OGirlieMama]

I wouldn't be offended. I know it's hard to tell my girls apart if you're not with them all the time.

The request might cause me a little stress, just because sometimes my girls are darn ornery and when one wears something, the other wants it. But I'm pretty sure we'd find a way to make it OK. When they want to wear the same dress to preschool, I convince one she needs to wear a ponytail or something to have a different hairstyle than her sister, which actually works better than clothing, I think. Their teachers do seem to have it "down" who is who, though, even with just 5 hours a week spent together. Though maybe not from a distance.

[cdahlgrd]

I wouldn't be offended.

In fact, my boys get tired of getting mixed up all the time and were relieved when I cut 1 hairstyle MUCH shorter than the other. Before the haircuts, then baby B wore blue. That way, even our friends and relatives could tell with just a glance who was who.

[Tigerchild]

I agree that it depends on how it's asked.

It would also depend on my kids--what if they don't like bracelets, so the likelihood that they would be taken off/misplaced at school is high--am I as a parent going to have to be responsible for that?

My MZ boys are in 1st grade. At that age, to be honest I would prefer that the person work out with *them* ideas for how to make identification easy for everyone.

I forced them to dress differently in preschool and when I actually got to dress them--now it's each individual child's choirce what they decide to wear as they're responsible for getting themselves dressed. We don't have very many "matching" items of clothing, but occasionally it happens. I actually feel protective of my kids both in preserving their identities but also in allowing them to enjoy twinship.

So I guess the question for the professional I'd have is whether or not they'd talked to my children first and had some ideas from them, and what they were. Easy solution if the boys decide to go the different shirt route (though I don't get how that will help calling them from a playground or from the class unless you visit earlier in the day when they're sitting at labeled desks?) on the days when the therapy is occuring. Or if they like bracelets (though I'd probably advise you to have spares. Lots of them. At least for my boys).

Got to tell you though, my boys maybe dress alike once every few months, and them having completely different outfits from one another doesn't stem the flow of people saying "Oh, I can't tell them apart". And I won't do the one boy "owns" one color thing--to me that's acceptible for toddlers/preschoolers, but not for older kids if they don't like it (not to mention the expense! as clothes get more expensive for older kids, with no sharing allowed between sibs).

[cjcolorado]

Exactly! Mine think it is hilarious that people can't tell them apart, as if it's so hard to understand! But, I think they'd be game for something that might help others tell them apart as long as they had a part in the decision. We have that issue with a couple of family members, and though we don't do an assigned color anymore, I have to remind them the distinguishing features of each boy. (For quite a long time, Sam's favorite color was orange, so the boy wearing orange anything was always Sam. Now, they interchange clothes all the time and have the same favorite color, so it's difficult to rely on any solid assumptions.)