so confused

[annekh23]

I'm a Christian, I wouldn't say I'm having a hard time with my faith right now, in someways I feel strong and growing in it, but I'm having a hard time applying it in certain areas.

One particular one is humility to the needs of others, essentially because Christ laid down his life for me, that I should lay down my life for them.

E.g. a while back I was nursing my then 2mth old in a restaurant, I was facing into our table, with a divider on the other side. I was alert to possible uncomfortableness from people at a table to one side of us because the layout meant I couldn't completely face away from them, but I didn't notice anything.

Then as some other people were leaving a woman approached me and told me I was disgusting and I'd ruined lots of people's meals, I was stunned, I didn't know where she'd been sitting, but I also knew she couldn't have been anywhere that could have seen anything, I didn't respond at all.

I am sorry she was upset, but I wasn't instantly, she was gone long before I felt that saying sorry she felt that way might have been a good response. I can't go back and change that, but I also don't think it should change how I behave in future in how or when I breastfeed, just that if I was approached again, I think I would respond with a simple "I'm sorry I offended you" and hope that they accepted that.

Now our church has laid down a rule that breastfeeding in church without a cover is not allowed, a friend has suggested that the humble thing to do would be to go along with that and to find a solution and knowing that using a cover is not a solution for me has suggested that I pump, bring a bottle and she'll give it to the baby.

I don't even know if that solution would work either on a one off basis or on a regular basis, DD hasn't taken a bottle in months and when she did, she demonstrated nipple confusion in both directions, but I can give it a try, I can demonstrate humility to the needs of others.

What I can't get my head round is the practical implications of that because the needs of other adults may well conflict with the needs of my children, yet it also doesn't make sense to church hop to find a group of adults who at that moment in time don't have needs that clash with the needs of my children.

I may have got my perspective skewed, but my understanding of the bible is that God comes first, then your spouse, then your kids, then everyone else, though I'm not quite sure where I'd place unbelievers on that and I think that may well be something that varies depending on the situation, like if you are obeying God's command to take part in the Lord's Supper, the needs of unbelievers who might be present seem to be temporarily suspended.

I'm so confused, yet when I say I'll pray about something and read the bible, it seems like no one actually accepts that I do that if the outcome isn't what they said it should be to start off with.

[genifer]

Annekh23... What Id do would be to pray about it. Sometimes I want to live to please others, but obeying God is the prime issue. I would seek, as much as it hurt my pride, to ask God to reveal if Im in the wrong. Are my mamma bear emotions clouding my vision about something He'd like to reveal to me. So, Id pray about it and if the answer was something I didnt like hearing it might take me a while to 'get over it', but in the end Id obey. If the answer was something I did want to hear, it'd be a lot easier to obey.

I cannot tell you how many times Ive stepped out in faith in an area I recieved lots of opposition, or pressure to do something God called me to do (entering into a big stage of that sort of thing right now). I dont really care if people believe me when I say Ill be praying about something. They do sometimes want to convince you of what they think is the right thing to do.

As far as breastfeeding is concerned. I do think its a sensitive issue. I personally wouldnt have had a problem with leaving the room to bf where people felt uncomfortable, especially males and in a public place. My children are 9 and 10 now, but when I breastfed them it was a quiet, private time. I know EATing is a very normal thing but, to me, breastfeeing is a private thing. I dont see a problem with nursing while covering. Thats just me tho. I couldnt imagine having done it in public without covering. I could do it discreetly where the baby could still breath, see my face but be covered from being seen by anybody else.

I would pray about how this sort of thing made me feel. Ive struggled with feeling resentful over the last few days and I used to sort of revel in it. I learned that I dont need to feel that way, that its not right before God to feel that way, even if I am wronged in some way. So Ive focused my prayers on myself and my attitude.

I have no idea if this is at all helpful.

[javilu]

never mind.

[smpayne]

Originally Posted by annekh23

What I can't get my head round is the practical implications of that because the needs of other adults may well conflict with the needs of my children, yet it also doesn't make sense to church hop to find a group of adults who at that moment in time don't have needs that clash with the needs of my children.

Actually this is a VERY good reason to church hop. My dh went to a church that could not figure out how to effectively maintain a childrens/youth ministry. They were stuck in the 1950's way of doing things, so the church was essentially left with a congregation of 20 or so members all over the age of 75. Just because the majority of the congregation didn't want to change how things were done. Part of the "We have never done it that way before" mentality. Needless to say, that church is no longer around and the buildings are vacant as everyone died off or became too ill to attend.

Part of finding a church home is finding one that fits your needs, that includes how they treat your children's needs. No church can meet everyones needs all of the time. Just because the majority may agree with a certain view point, it doesn't make that view point right or even biblical. It is up to you if you have the determination and energy to fight the fight at this moment or should you move on to a place that won't be quite so hostile. The fight will always be there if you choose to go back to it at a later time.

[anj_rn]

I have no problem nursing in public, but I know nursing in church makes people uncomfortable. With my DD, it was never a problem, because she did not mind being covered, but my DS would pull the blanket off and scream (drawing a lot of attention to us). I went into another room to breastfeed. When I brought up the need to our church board, they started working out a solution. We now have a breastfeeding room with closed circuit TV of the service so mom's can feel part of the service and still have a private place to nurse.

Pray about it, and talk to the pastoral staff about not covering. Once I explained that covering my son's head just drew more attention to us, they worked with me to find a solution.

[indie]

I think you're mixing up needs with wants. None of the adults you've spoken of need to not see you breastfeed. They want to not see you. On the other hand, your baby needs to eat whenever he or she is hungry. An adult's wants should never supersede a child's needs. Its as simple as that. The adults who are harassing you are acting very selfishly and it is not unchristian to make them aware that you will not inconvenience your innocent child nor fail to meet her/his needs due to their self centered wants (not needs).

Read your gospels again. Jesus had some very harsh words for those who would set stumbling blocks in front of the truly innocent and marginalized in society. I also think this passage from Matthew 15 applies:

10Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. 11What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’”

12Then the disciples came to him and asked, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?”

13He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14Leave them; they are blind guides.e If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”

15Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”

16“Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. 17“Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ 19For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20These are what make a man ‘unclean’; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean.’”

Substitute things that go into the mouth with things that go into the eyes (are seen) and the passage really applies to situations where people in certain churches try to lay the blame of their immoral thoughts and actions on a mother feeding her baby. I believe that Jesus would challenge the rules in your church in much the same way that he challenged the rules of the religious leaders of his day. The problem here lies in the hearts of those who would look upon breastfeeding as unclean. Do not apologize for doing what is right.