Neighbors and smoking- WWYD

[tracymom1]

Help mamas! What would you do...

We are moving back to a house that we were renting out in a couple of months. We lived there several years ago and know the neighbors fairly well, though not on the best of terms. We have a 6 foot privacy fence, but nonetheless, we can still smell the cigarette smoke wafting over from their yard when they are out there (which is pretty much all summer because they sit around all day and drink and smoke). They also tend to cuss a whole lot which also makes me nervous.

They are perfectly within their rights to do as they please in their own yard and would not take kindly if I were to request they smoke elsewhere. I actually think they would become very passive-aggressive if I were to even just bring it up. They are not the worst neighbors, but not the best either. They really like to make a stink over little things and I think they are going to really hate living next door to children as it is.

So when they are out there smoking, do I bring the kids inside? Should I just ignore it and stay out there? Say something? We cannot see them from our yard because of the fence, but we can hear and smell them. What would you do?

[odoole]

That's very unfortunate. I don't think you can or should try to keep them from smoking on their own property, but I would definitely bring the kids inside when they smoke. I personally do not get all that uppity about "toxic" things around my son (questionable cleaning products, etc), but I do absolutely try to keep him away from cigarette smoke. It's just terrible in so many ways.

I even refused to let him into my ailing grandma's house during a visit one time. She wasn't even smoking at the time, but her entire house and carpet and furniture, etc. just reeked of it. I felt terrible, but the effects of cigarette smoke and chemicals on an infant would be much worse.

[Ldavis24]

I think you know that bringing it up would just end badly for you in all reality. Although I certainly would want to mention it ( I have yelled at neighbors about noise more than once when I was super pregnant and super irritable).

I guess my question is if you can smell it, is it strong or just a faint odor? Because you are outside depending on how strong it is or if it is just a hint once in a while when the breeze blows a certain way I might be inclined to not worry too much. I do not tolerate my DD being around cig smoke at all but my landlady smokes like a chimney and we live above her and I am friends with her. When we are outside in the yard with her if she is smoking I definitely take note of the direction of the wind and just keep DD a healthy distance away from her and upwind.

Always best to err on the side of caution I suppose though.

[Spiralshell]

I'm probably in the minority here, but I wouldn't take the kids inside when the neighbors are smoking. The benefits of them being outside, playing and being physically active will outweigh the negative effects of the very dilute smoke, in my opinion.
I know that we know better now, but my mother raised me and my two brothers, and she was (and alas still is) a smoker. This was incredibly common in the 70s and 80s when we were growing up. Not one of us ever had asthma, any kind of respiratory problems, repeated colds, etc. We were all very healthy kids. I know that this is in spite of being in a house, car, etc. with smoke, and I know that second-hand smoke is dangerous and that we were probably pretty lucky. I do not permit my mother to smoke in my home, and I ask that she put on a sweater or something over her clothes when she holds him. All that said, being in a closed room with a smoker every day, and being in an adjacent yard to a smoker occasionally are two really different things.

[lotusdebi]

I'd ignore the smoke and the cursing, and let the kids stay out there. As long as no one's breathing their smoke right in my kid's face or holding him while holding a cigarette, I wouldn't worry about it.

[odoole]

Ok well I should add that my perspective is mostly concerning infants and especially newborns (an my son was a preemie so I was extra vigilant about this) as SIDS and asthma and other respiratory and vascular problems are very closely related to cigarette smoke exposure -- even when it's coming from clothes, furniture, etc. I agree it depends in how close the smoke is to them. Second-hand smoke is pretty nasty stuff and if thy're inhaling it at all or getting it on their clothe or in their hair, i'd get them out of that situation.

[Italiamom]

Are your neighbors renting, or do they own the house?

[tracymom1]

Originally Posted by Italiamom

Are your neighbors renting, or do they own the house?

It is an elderly woman and her daughter and boyfriend who live there - I think that on paper the older woman owns it but the daughter makes all the decisions. Its not that they are bad people - they are friendly enough - but they live the lifestyle that I lived in my early 20's, and they are well beyond middle-aged.

I am not going to cause any waves with them - I just don't know what to think about the exposure to the smoke. I was a smoker for years and it just makes me sick to smell it now.

[russsk]

I'd mount a couple of fans on your fence. They'll blow the smoke away and the sound will drown out the cursing!

[mamadelbosque]

I'd ignore it. Theres nothing you can do about either the cussing or the smoking, to my knowledge. And I'd definetly let kids still play outside, and yes I'd even keep my baby/infant outside too - there are far more benefits, IMO, to being outside vs the extremely diluted ciggarett smoke from the neighbors drifting in to your yard.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by russsk

I'd mount a couple of fans on your fence. They'll blow the smoke away and the sound will drown out the cursing!

That's what I was going to say!

A good strong fan ought to do the trick at least for the smoke.

Smokers tend to be VERY defensive about their "right to smoke", even when they wish they could quit. They have been chased out of every public venue and in some states even parks and outdoor restaurants, so their homes are their last bastion, so to speak. I wouldn't touch that topic with a ten-foot pole.

I do, however, think you could ask them to keep the foul language to after dark. I think it would be neighborly of them to TRY to tone it down with LOs nearby, but that's up to you. Maybe you could approach the topic with a peace offering of pie, or maybe a carton of their favorite brands of smokes?

[j_p_i]

We were in a similar situation when DD was first born, we lived in a duplex and the neighbors smoked. Despite not being on great terms with them, DH and I went over and asked them to please be courteous and not smoke on the front porch (which we shared). They agreed to this, and even stopped smoking in their house because it would blow through our vents. They would smoke on the other side (outside) of their house or in their driveway. I think that people generally understand that smoking is not good around children, and will be respectful (perhaps I'm too hopeful?? That was just my experience, anyway).

I guess to me it seems it couldn't hurt to at least approach them and see if you can come to a common ground on the smoking and cursing. A peace offering might be a good idea!

[Norasmomma]

Personally I'd mind my own business, there's much worse things neighbors could be doing than smoking and cussing.

[ErinYay]

Originally Posted by odoole

Ok well I should add that my perspective is mostly concerning infants and especially newborns (an my son was a preemie so I was extra vigilant about this) as SIDS and asthma and other respiratory and vascular problems are very closely related to cigarette smoke exposure -- even when it's coming from clothes, furniture, etc. I agree it depends in how close the smoke is to them. Second-hand smoke is pretty nasty stuff and if thy're inhaling it at all or getting it on their clothe or in their hair, i'd get them out of that situation.

This is from very close contact, though. The smell of smoke alone doesn't mean the kids will be exposed to anywhere near the levels of passive smoke they would be getting if someone was smoking in a closed room.

It's annoying for sure, but a safety issue? Not anymore than day-to-day air pollutants we're all exposed to.