Anyone else feel the parenting worries after babyhood?

[claddaghmom]

When DD was a baby things seemed so simple and assuring. Feed her milk, cuddle and hold her, change her diaper, introduce her to new toys and people. They grow so normally.

Now DD is a toddler and I feel myself hitting the "what if" wall for the first time. Especially since she enjoys solids now...what if she's not getting enough food? What if I'm not giving her enough attention? What if she's not learning something she needs to learn? What if she isn't exercising and playing enough? What if the way she walks is a sign and she needs intervention? What if she's not growing fast enough? What if what if what if lol.



I think some of it comes from being surprised. Like for example, we've had solids introduced for awhile now, but one time she got really angry and I had to learn that she was "hungry" for solids. And she ate a whole bowl of peas and carrots and a chunk of pizza. I sat there thinking "I was starving my child!" (I know, it's not rational since we still nurse on demand).

Or for example, I'm overall anti-tv but DD does have one Barney DVD that she gets to watch while I do school. One day I looked up from my book to hear her singing her ABCs along w/ Barney. Hey I wanted to teach her that! And I had no idea it was time for her to learn it!

[DeerMother]

I'm not sure the "what ifs" will ever go away! I agree though, when they were babies I pretty much had the same answers to their needs. . . nurse, diaper, holding/rocking, repeat. Now, it is more complex!

[LadyCatherine185]

I think I have had the opposite experience so far... when he was a baby, he was constantly fussing/crying, and I tried *so hard* to fix everything. Now that he's a toddler, he's happier and can communicate his needs to me, and I feel like I don't have to be as "perfect" as when he was a baby. Maybe that is just me...

[physmom]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I think I have had the opposite experience so far... when he was a baby, he was constantly fussing/crying, and I tried *so hard* to fix everything. Now that he's a toddler, he's happier and can communicate his needs to me, and I feel like I don't have to be as "perfect" as when he was a baby. Maybe that is just me...

Very true. I think we're having the same experience. I also think DD was never excited about being a baby. She wants to do EVERYTHING by herself so now that she actually can do somethings she's a much happier kid and I don't have as much to worry about.

[LuminosaJane]

Just wanted to comment on the 2 pp's ideas about their babies being happier since they became more independent. Count us in on that! When dd began walking at 11 mo, the entire family became much, much happier.

OP, it sounds like you're doing a great job responding to your child's needs and providing her with opportunities to grow and learn. I think it's always important to remember that our children are ultimately their own persons and that, while we play an instrumental role in their development, they are ultimately the "captains of their own ships" as it were. Your child will let you know what s/he wants/needs: if it's more food, then she'll squawk until it arrives and if it's learning the abc's from Barney, then you can be proud of her new found skill (you did provide her with the opportunity to see the dvd, afterall--you could have chosen something less interesting).

[StoriesInTheSoil]

My what-ifs are constant. What if I'm not disciplining correctly, what it I am permanently damaging him with our lack of scheduling, what if I'm not feeding him right, what if he never listens to me, what if he never eats good food, what if he isn't stimulated enough, what if he never realizes his potential....

Yeah, I'm right there with you, mama.

[Starflower]

I think the "what-ifs" are normal. I don't think they go away. I think they just change as the kids grow. I think the trick of it is to try to give kids enough breathing room to grow while being available when they really need you, while not second guessing everything you do.

I think I do pretty well on the first part, but I still have trouble second guessing things a lot. Part of it is my personality, but I know that my friends with grown kids still go through "what-ifs." I think it's just part of the territory.

Edited to add: I remember it was a really hard transition from exclusively nursing to solids plus nursing. I was so used to just nursing, I felt very nervous about having to actually feed her "real" food. But we made it. She ate well, grew just fine. (Now, at 6-1/2 yrs, she is really picky about food, but still growing well.)

Of course, when I first had DD it took awhile for me to believe that she really could just have milkies and be OK. I never FF'd. It's just that nursing was so amazing, like "that's all she needs? Wow!"

[Baby_Cakes]

I'm experiencing this too! I worry about if I'm spending enough time one-on-one with her, if her watching dvd's is hurting her, if she's getting enough exercise b/c we don't really play outside when it's cold. There are so many what-if's now! Good to know I'm not alone!

[laughymama]

Ever since our son turned 14 months last year I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I have no idea what I'm doing.

The infant stage is not my favorite at all so in a way it was nice for him and us once he gained more mobility and independence. He was a do it himself type of baby from the start as well.

That said, I still feel totally clueless. Sometimes I sit here thinking, "I really hope this doesn't screw him up like twenty years from now..."

Now I have another coming in August and I'm thinking...how do you take care of a toddler and a newborn at the same time?! Then at some point I'll have a 2 year old and a 4 year old....what then!? TWICE the worries and 'what ifs'!

I keep joking to DH that next time baby fever hits us...we're getting a dog. Lol.

[dexlor]

It is hard to let go of the "what ifs". What if I'm not providing enough structure when she's off from daycare? What if I am not disciplining her enough (couple of friends do time outs with their under 2 year olds--can't picture doing that)? What if she remembers when I yelled and that is what causes her to wake up during the night, screaming? What if I'm messing up her chances of being a brainac, multu-lingual, prodigy by not doing..this and this and this and this? I just have to remember how much I love holding her and kissing her and playing this mindless games over and over again (well maybe not "love" that one). She seems to be a very happy content little girl and is learning more every day so we're doing something right and now she wants to sit inmy lap and type so I better go.. dk jg .

[ps4624]

Parenting reminds me of learning math in school.... I remember thinking addition/subtraction was hard until I got to multiplication, and then it seemed so easy, because multiplication was clearly the hardest thing in the world. That held true until we got to division, and then multiplication seemed so easy.

Basically, whatever stage we're at now seems impossible!

[*Erin*]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I think I have had the opposite experience so far... when he was a baby, he was constantly fussing/crying, and I tried *so hard* to fix everything. Now that he's a toddler, he's happier and can communicate his needs to me, and I feel like I don't have to be as "perfect" as when he was a baby. Maybe that is just me...

not just you!
the baby stage is nerve racking for me. they are so tiny and fragile and vunerable. the exhaustion really wears me down too, neither of kids slept very well until they were 2+ yrs old. between worry and sleep deprivation, i didn't feel like i had any equilibrium back until they hit about a yr and a half old. i LOVE the toddler and kid years! i love to be able to have a dialogue, do crafts and activities, and to take them to *do* stuff.

edit to add
love the math analogy, ps4624-that is exactly how it is. each stage has it's challenges, and in hindsight, it seems like the previous stage was so simple!