So here's the situation, I'm pregnant with my 3rd, my first 2 are boys and I desperately want a girl. So far I've had 4 ultrasounds and they still don't know what sex the baby is! (1st (19 weeks) tech1 said boy but wasn't sure at all, 2nd (28 weeks) tech2 said wasn't sure but if she had to bet money she would guess girl as there were no signs of boy parts at all, 3rd (32 weeks) tech1 said boy but wasn't sure, might be scrotum? but no sign of penis, 4th (34 weeks) tech2 again not sure but if she had to guess she says girl b/c there are no signs of boy parts and it looks a little girly) Every time the baby has been on a bad position and won't properly open legs. Now of course this is driving me crazy and I feel so unconnected to my baby also, this is my first pregnancy that I haven't know what position the baby was in, what was poking me, the difference between a head and a butt. I had a dream in the beginning that the baby was a girl but didn't share it with anyone b/c I didn't want to jinx it or look crazy. I had the same dream with my first son and it was right, the second time I didn't have a dream I wanted him to be a girl, told everyone he was a girl but deep down I felt he was a boy. So I did feel in the beginning that I was having a girl but after the first ultrasound I made peace with the fact the baby was a boy, then I got my hopes up at the second ultrasound and then I have just been plain confused since then. The problem is though I started having the overwhelming urge to buy girl's clothes. Just a few things to get me past the first few weeks b/c I know if it's a girl I will NOT want to put her in boys clothes, I've waited for too long for this you know? I also know I won't want to leave the house right away or have anyone pick them out for me. So I started to buy a few things, which just kept adding up. They are all second hand and very cheap but I have quite the little stash going, I've had to force myself to stop. Dh is worried that I am setting myself up for heartbreak and I am too. I know I shouldn't have bought the clothes but I really felt as though I HAD too. I keep trying to tell myself that the baby is a boy so I am not disappointed but I'm pretty sure it's well past that point for me and I'm scared now. I mean I will love my baby boy or girl, but I just want a girl so bad. I'm not handling not knowing and now at almost 3 weeks away from my EDD it is dragging out. I don't really know what I am looking for here but I just need to vent. I feel so alone and also feel like a bad mom.
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2/7/10 at 5:33pm