I guess it's time to start my own thread now...

[tiffani]

I'm not going to give a lot of details, because I don't want this to be hugely googleable (is that a word?) but I have really, really good news along with major concerns about the future of adoption in our chosen country (affecting us as well) and I need a place to vaguely vent in the coming weeks, so here I am!

I could be setting us up for major disappointment here, but I think we have our US citizenship and immigration approval to adopt!! they emailed and said "a decision has been made, and the decision has been forwarded to Ka***la" which means approval I think! If they were denying us, they'd be asking for more information about something or other, and they wouldn't send notification of the decision to Kam***a... right????

meanwhile, the embassy and the judges there are discussing how their rulings must be phrased, and I have faith that they will reach an agreement. I am worried that the judges (who are divided about what is best for these orphans) will stop allowing the whole thing altogether. sorry for the vagueness, most of you will know what I'm saying...

so today I'm elated and so, so scared, all at the same time. We should hear how the situation between the embassy and the judges is playing out this week, and then, if things are looking good, I can go get them!!!!!!

[RedOakMomma]

for you!! Good luck! (And your "vaguely venting" is pretty well done, I think! )

[Whistler]

That sounds like another step forward! I hope all goes well... I know what a long road this has been!

[crl]

I hope everything goes well!

Catherine

[tiffani]

thank you for the well wishes, we need them today...

It's a pretty safe bet that our I-600a was approved, because we got a call in the middle of the night from the US embassy in Kampa!a telling us that they are not issuing any more visas until they get some issues sorted out -- I'm about 75% confident that they will get the issues sorted out, but about 25% freaking out that they won't, and that will be the end of Ug a n dan adoption for anyone who can't live there for 3 years. We discussed it, and while we're still looking at options, I don't think we could live there for 3 years, for so many reasons... we're investigating those reasons to see if they're really reasons, but there are a few biggies that we have no control over, that would likely prevent us from being able to live there at this time.

so today I'm trying to focus on the 75% positive feelings I have, though it's always that negative, worrisome 25% that gets ya... I'm more than a little infuriated with the US embassy (and Canada is in on this too) -- I understand that they're trying to make sure these rulings issued by judges are being issued legally (which they are, as the law stands now, but I guess the law isn't clear enough for them?), but they're asking the wrong folks and getting mixed up information, opinions, and trying to get answers from the wrong branches of government, while childrens' futures hang in the balance. more than a little frustrating!! There is this superior Western assumption of wrongdoing going on that strikes me as really offensive. I'm not exactly sure why they're questioning the laws and the judges when it is pretty clear that it is all above board.

There are other countries (Korea, I believe?) that have the same legal guardianship set up, where you complete the adoption in the US, are there periodic shake-downs of Korean adoption as well?

hoping to get good news this week that it's all sorted out. blah.

[RedOakMomma]

Yes, with Korean adoptions you're a "foster parent" until you finalize the adoption in the US.

I wouldn't say there are shakedowns, but there have been a lot of scares over the years that the program will close or substantially slow. Most of them have had to do with adoption scandals, or even things like the father a few years ago who went crazy and shot all his (adopted) kids. All of these things create a big news buzz in the Korean media, then public officials feel they need to say anti-international-adoption statements, and then international PAPs freak out. It happens.

In the 80s, when Seoul hosted the olympics, there was a news story by (Carrie or anyone, correct me if I'm wrong) Bryant Gumbel that pretty much shut down Korean adoptions. He did a story on Korea being a "baby exporting nation" and it caused HUGE public upset and offense in Korea...and from that, from what I understand, came the quota system where only so many children are allowed to be adopted internationally each year. On the surface it's to show the Korean/international public that South Korea will not continue to be a "baby exporting nation," but from what I've read it's largely a public image policy that really means a lot of children in orphanages in Korea will never have families. That has changed somewhat in recent years, as government incentives for domestic Korean adoption have really started to increase domestic adoption numbers.

From what I know, though, shake-downs haven't happened at all on the US side. It's almost always tension from the Korean side about whether the program will continue, and in what form.

I hope it's all sorted out soon. At 75%, you have the odds solidly on your side!

[ariahsmum]

Hey there woman... Ugh. I am so relieved that you sound so elated and happy, and that you believe your US paperwork has been processed and approved. And I am going *crazy* for you waiting to hear what is happening in I-will-not-mention-it country.

I simply cannot wait to hear that your kiddos are on their way. Sending all the positive vibes i can...

[tiffani]

ROM, what you mention about public image shaping government policy is why I'm so hesitant to post the name of our country online -- though I know it's easy enough to figure it out -- because I'm really afraid of being the one to say the wrong thing and offend someone (because they do keep an eye on blogs, facebook, etc) and shut it down. So I'm trying to keep a low online profile these days in regard to our adoption. I'm guessing that the laws in Korea must be more explicitly written to state that the legal guardians will be adopting these kids in their home country. The laws in our country are not so explicit, as there are just not that many adoptions or legal guardianships that happen there -- I think it's growing, and that's why the US Embassy is tightening up the regulations, just to make sure it continues to be ethical and legal. So I'm glad that it's happening, just wishing it wasn't happening *right now*... right when we should be waiting to hear when our court date is, but are instead waiting to see if the US Embassy will manage to offend them and shut the whole thing down. The vice consul I spoke with seemed very nice, but not all embassy officials are as diplomatic as they should be...

The news we got today was that things are progressing in favor of legal guardianship laws being more clear -- meetings have been taking place, regulations discussed, etc, and everyone seems to want this resolved right away, which is good. I'm not sure why, but we've heard that "by friday" things should be resolved. I'm cautiously optimistic at this point... I cannot believe the twists and turns our journey has taken, it's just crazy!! and never-ending!!!

[queencarr]

The tension would drive me crazy, I think. Heck, even without all the additional tension you have going on, I was almost out of my mind by the time we got a call for both!! the only thing I can think of, that won't help now, but when you look back, maybe...I reminded myself constantly at every paperwork delay that it was due to someone looking out for my baby, to make sure that there was no question that all the i's were dotted and t's crossed.

And yes, with Korea, the US agency gets legal custody of the child while the PAP's get guardianship and physical custody until finalization. We are basically, FP's as ROM said. And it was Bryant Gumbel who made such a tactless comment that led to thousands of children going to orphanages in an effor to improve the worldwide perception of Korea/adoption. It was during the 1988 (?) Olympics.

[Armom]

Good luck, I hope to see some really good news from you soon! I know how nerve racking this kind of situation is...international adoption is rumored to be "easier" but that sure was not my experience!

[tiffani]

the tension IS killing me -- I can't sleep at night at all -- I'll fall right to sleep and then wake up a few hours later and just lay there and worry. I do feel fairly confident that it will all get resolved, but the question is *when* that will happen. We also have our move back to the US to worry about -- so many questions surrounding where we'll live, find work, etc.... it's crazy making!! Once we have the kiddos home lots of things will become more clear, it's just all this up-in-the-air business that stresses me out so much!!

[ariahsmum]

Ahhhhh... the good ol African "By Friday".

I really hope it is true. I was so amazed at how the word manana seemed to be invented in Africa- at least where I was and everywhere I have heard about elsewhere. I think I told you I went to the place in charge of adoption for FOUR weeks straight and everyday they told me, "Yes, tomorrow. Come back Tomorrow."

Crossing my fingers for manana, for real.

[tiffani]

obviously friday was just a pipe dream

still waiting to hear something...

[ariahsmum]

Still waiting right with you. Sending love your way...

How are you holding up, mama?

[tiffani]

no news yet, but we should hear something tonight/tomorrow morning, as there was a big meeting yesterday (last night our time) and hopefully there should be some resolution. ya know, or not.

I'm holding up alright, Jaya, thanks for asking. I am experiencing some anxiety/depression/constant nauseous-butterfly feeling, but am sleeping better now. It's hard for me to not just crawl into bed and hide, but I've moved from the lazy-comfort foods-internet addiction (waiting for news) to the I have to take a walk every morning so I don't go crazy/don't want to eat and can't eat much phase, so at least I'm losing a bit of weight that needed to go. I have only once in my life ever been in a place where I had a hard time eating, and that was when I was 17 and neurotic, so that tells me a lot about my current state of mind. but we're all doing ok, and my dh and I have been together long enough that we know how to be really gentle with each other. luckily when he is stressed he throws himself into working on various projects, so he has completed a really awesome script, and jumps in to do the dishes when it gets out of control, and he isn't minding working two jobs right now so much. so all in all, the anxious chaos seems to be balancing out nicely between us. I am trying not to think of our babies all that much, which is sad, but necessary for mental health. they are in good hands, which makes it easier, but I still worry about them, and it's hard knowing that they're getting older each day -- we had thought we'd have them home in december...then january...then february... now I'm thinking we'll be lucky if it's april. argh.

letting go as much as I can... staying positive but a little more removed than I was a few weeks ago. you just can't stay in the "any day now" mentality for too long, you'll go crazy. so now I'm living by the "it will happen when it happens" mantra, we'll see how that goes!

I'll update tomorrow morning if we've heard anything...

[ariahsmum]

Okay, I'm neurotically checking back to see if you updated... but no go yet, eh?

I am relieved to hear that you and dh are being gentle with yourselves and each other right now. I completely understand how stressful this must be, and how hard it must be on your heart. I waited for many many months with the "any day now" mentality and it really is amazing how far you can go with that. "just a little longer... just a little more.... today... not today... maybe tomorrow... next week...." It kind of was similar in a way to being pregnant and waiting every day for 7 weeks for the baby to emerge (I was prodromoling at 37 weeks and carried to 44). It literally becomes one day at a time with hope and expectation that any day now you surely will get news. Like waiting for a bus that is late. You've waited this long, it couldn't possibly be much longer, lol!

But then, for me, it did go into the phase where suddenly I unattached from it thinking, well... I've done all I can. I'll believe it when I see it. I think there is wisdom in that, but it must be soooo difficult (I can't even imagine this part) when you have the two kids identified. Sigh. And then, there is the fact that to me, these are your children, *could* be your children legally if it all straightens out, and you would never ever pull your heart back from your kiddos. So to a point, I found I needed to keep my heart on my sleeve and pray pray pray visualize visualize visualize this adoption happening! And if my heart got broken again, well- that is being a mother.

I just received a email (to the R group) of a woman who was in U and fell in love with two orphaned kiddos (their parents were killed) and are trying to adopt now from there (had a dossier in Ethiopia) but are obviously unsure where it might go. Maybe you two would like to be in touch? Or maybe you have no energy for that?

Anyway, thinking of you and wondering how you are today.

[tiffani]

Thanks Jaya!!

absolutely have your friend get in touch with me! there is also a facebook group called U adoption that she might want to join -- facebook is the new yahoo.

we didn't receive any official news, but a woman who is also waiting for her kids to come home told me that everyone is in favor of adoptions continuing, so that's really good news, my biggest fear was that they'd shut down. the only question now is when everything will get rolling again. hopefully *soon* whatever that means!! any day now! insert slightly maniacal laughter here...

My head is detached from this process -- we've done all we can, so I'm just trying to slowly prepare for travel, because it WILL happen, eventually. My heart is right in it, though it too detached for a few anxiety-filled days I have to admit. I'm trying to focus on the "getting ready to go" part, because there is nothing I can do about the rest of it! In the wise words of Mr. Incredible, "we'll get there when we get there!"

thanks for listening to my raving, it's so nice to "talk" to people who understand -- I find myself just sitting quietly when out in public, as every normal topic of conversation just seems so irrelevant to me right now, and if someone asks me about our adoption I find myself rambling for 20 minutes about all the complicated details of our situation... I should just say "good! any day now!"

[tiffani]

there is a family there now who have a visa appointment tomorrow -- same orphanage as us, same lawyer, so if they get approval, our lawyer will request a court date for us! the powers that be in U~ issued a statement to the US embassy that they do want legal guardianships to continue, so things are about to start rolling again hopefully!!

[ariahsmum]

OMG!!!! I am doing the happy dance for you. I am so attached to your outcome, and feel like an expectant auntie or something! I am soooo praying for you and rooting for these kiddos to finally make it home to your arms and safe gentle fun family.

Please keep us posted. Pm me your email again, I would like to forward it to the woman I mentioned trying to get twins out...

[tiffani]

Thank you Jaya! I'll pm you my email addy...