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Originally Posted by Diane B  I'm not familiar with the situation in Ethiopia, but I don't think that living birth parents is necessarily problematic ethically.
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no, not at all, not by any stretch. there's a documentary called
'fly away children' about ethiopian adoption, and while I do understand that the media sensationalizes these things, and it's only presenting one side, and that there are many, many ethical and wonderful adoptions happening in Ethiopia (with living birthparents as well)... there is also a lot of money involved in Ethiopian adoption, which automatically creates incentive for agencies to find children. there is also just the general lure for parents in ethiopia to place their children in the hopes that they will have a 'better life' in a western country, even if the parents are actually able to take care of the children. there is also the promise of financial assistance because many families who have contact with birthmothers in ethiopia give gifts, pay school fees, etc to the mothers -- how can you not, really, when their needs are so small in comparison to what we have? but then it causes more people to relinquish because they hear that their kid could have a life in the west AND the rest of the family will benefit too. I had always thought that ethiopian adoption was really well regulated, a totally ethical program, etc, but after having been around the african adoption community for 4 years now, I know that's not the case. in that doco, one of the agencies profiled (the one with the green door, if you watch it) was the agency we used to be signed with in ethio, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if there were unethical happenings, considering the director was paying herself a gigantic wage out of her "non-profit" adoption agency and the agency went bankrupt. luckily for us, we pulled out of working with them and went indy in Zambia -- that agency opened a program in Zambia right after, and the kids we had tentative referrals for ended up going into their orphanage so we lost them, but that's another story entirely, and not really their fault, though they weren't willing to let us take their bread and butter without paying them for the kids -- we did offer to pay foster care for the kids, but no, we would have to pay the $15,000 to become their clients if we wanted to adopt the kids. That program folded as well (and possibly led, in part, to their bankruptcy, as they built a fancy new orphanage in Zambia and then never completed a single adoption, all the while not really having ever figured things out in Ethiopia for their clients)...
long story short, (or at least, not longer
)... when ANYONE is making money from adoptions there is room for corruption, and AP's have to be really, really careful. Once you have your referral, it becomes really difficult to be rational about the whole thing. If you hear the child's story and it doesn't add up, you're usually emotionally invested by that point and saying "sorry, but I'm not taking this kid, I believe her mother can raise her if I just offer $50 a month"... it's just not going to happen.
I absolutely agree that there are so many other factors at play, and most relinquishments are not strictly poverty based. In Ethiopia, there are so many cultural reasons why a single mother would not be able to raise their child -- I get that, and support those mothers in making whatever plan for their child they wish. at the same time, there are far too many kids there being relinquished strictly for reasons of poverty -- I believe in large part because AP's often provide for the birthfamily after the adoption -- and also, for some, because the family wants their child to grow up in the west -- I do wonder if it's becoming a status thing for some ethiopian families, since I've heard many accounts of older kids being adopted from middle class Ethiopian homes, and not having been told the truth of their adoption, but rather that they were going to america to be educated, and would return to their families. that's not an isolated story, I've heard it from a few different families.
So the answer, you'd think, would be to work with an ethical agency, and I do know of one in Ethiopia that I would trust, but I don't think the agencies in America or Canada always know what's going on in terms of child recruitment in the villages of Ethiopia. I don't have any answers, but it wasn't something I felt really awesome about getting involved in, so we ducked out of that program. Not saying that everyone should, just that we saw other options that we *did* feel good about getting involved with, so we've been pursuing those over the years.
sorry for the tangent, not sure how that happened! I'm really not slamming Ethiopian adoption, or adoption where there are living birthparents (our kids likely have living birthparents too, we just don't know who or where they are) I just know that *I* personally wouldn't be strong enough to reject a referral for a child that came from dubious circumstances, and would likely rationalize why it was good that we were adopting, even if our child could stay with their family for $50/month. I would hope that I could do that, but I don't think the system is even set up in a way that would let that happen -- you do meet the birthfamily most of the time, but it's after the child is legally yours. you're really putting all your faith in an agency, and I just didn't like that -- maybe because of the agency we were with!
but no, I've heard stories about just about every agency in Ethiopia, aside from Adoption Advocates International in Wa. As far as I know they have a clean record... I'm sure there are others who are really careful about ethics, but I wouldn't trust the majority entirely...
I'm sorry. How big of a setback is that?
I have just been reading the articles and watching the video 'fly away children' about what has been happening in Ethiopia. we were, at one time, with the agency kids link in ethiopia (the agency with the big green gate in the video) -- that agency has gone bankrupt, never delivered on their promise to build a big children's village for the unadoptable kids in addis, and obviously have also misled mothers in addis about staying in touch, etc. I had a hard time reconciling the fact that every. single. child. I heard about coming from ethiopia had a living birthmother that was around and able to meet with the family, etc. we pulled out of that program and started looking around at indy adoptions where it wasn't such a business. I feel confident that the kids we are matched with are truly abandoned kids -- adoption is still an anomaly in U~, yet there are MANY abandoned kids in their region... 17 in one record-breaking month. I have a hard time knowing that by us participating in adoption, we are adding to the numbers, and increase the chance of it turning into another ethiopia, but with so many kids there who truly have NO known family (at this point there is no reason for anyone to lie about that in their region -- that is starting to change in the capital city already, it seems, and there is definitely already unethical practices happening with one supposedly reputable orphanage 
