Enduring the first comment

[rclaz]

DS is 5.5 months old. The decision to remain intact was a HUGE discussion and sometimes argument in our home. In the end, DH didn't press it b/c he really couldn't justify it beyond "aesthetics." Meaning what HE thinks "looks" better, and concern about what people would say. So, the other day at his sitter's house, DH was picking up DS and our sitter was changing DS's diaper. HER son said something like "mom, his penis looks funny!" Something along those lines. Now, I raged on and on previous to DS's birth about how this was probably not going to happen. Not only did it happen, but it happened with DH who didn't know what to say, and it happened when our little guy is only 5.5 months old! Our sitter I guess responded by saying something like, "no it doesn't, be quiet." Any suggestions for what to do or say...how to field stuff like this? I feel TOTALLY secure in our decision. I think DS is perfect exactly as he is, and I love that his little body is exactly the way it was made. I just want some advice for a response, b/c I don't want to be reactive. You know?
Thanks!

[Fyrestorm]

I would have said "no, that's normal. It's what it's supposed to look like."

[Greg B]

Well, a circumcised penis looks funny to a person with a foreskin too. Really, kids say these types of things all the time. If not about a penis, it will be about underwear, a hat, a beard, etc. It is just part of them growing up and learning that everyone is different.

How to handle it? How would you handle a child saying my beard looks funny? Same thing. Simple.

Regards

[MommytoB]

How old is your sitter son ? To be opened like that her son sounds like he proably is under 5 .

It will be the sitter job whose his mom to try and tell him why but in most cases the subject will be avoided for talking to her son then forgotten as in one of those kidisms .


I say tell your dh that it is no big deal and that kid proably said that because he never seen a foreskin before because he doesn't have one so him saying funny was meaning it's different to him but those kids don't know how to concept put different in seperate areas until they get older like 4 yr old

So as long as a young kid makes a comment about your son's penis . Just brush it off and do not make a big deal it's like to worry about what a young kid would say or fidget about it .

The kid proably wouldn't understand that boy has a foreskin, he's intact, he's not circumcised even that boy wouldn't even have a clue that's he's circ'ed .

If on the other hand if it was an older person an older kid like a teen or another adult .

If it was an older kid I would say do you have any questions about why my son looks funny in the penis department and maybe all that kid what to know why he has skin over the top of his glans . Just say "foreskin' and he proably will ask his mom What is a foreskin ? Who knows what she/he will tell them or maybe it will be a subject avoided because they wouldn't know how to respond it .

Then if so he may come to you for more information about curiousity or start to look through books to find out what answers he's not getting .

If it's a adult then you just say my side of family don't believe in circ'ing which is You the mom ( your side) and I think it's a total unneccessary surgery when the child isn't born with a birth defect.

Since your dh didn't agree with circ'ing and he only wanted to circ for worries about what other would say then a kid said it.

Believe me I only have had one comment about my son's penis which was his grandma when brendan was 6 months old she said it looked weird but once I ended up going on and on how I think circ is so bad she didn't mention it again !

When it comes to young kids don't have it bug you too much just remember it's something they never seen and it's new like I said.

I have had the talk at a lower kid level when she said Your Voice sounds funny' of course I know it sounds very very very different than other people .

So I didn't lecture her but I said in a Question Would you like if someone said your Voice sounded funny and she goes No .

It didn't upset her so maybe if your dh could approach the kid if he knows how to not be outspoken take her son and knows of penis .

Ask would you like someone to say out in the open that your penis is funny looking then the answer would be no .

Then that would proably be the last time the kid would say that out loud .

[KGB]

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

I would have said "no, that's normal. It's what it's supposed to look like."

That's probably what I would have said too.

I believe kids often use the word "funny" to mean "different". I'm sure it was just a simple observation. People will notice the difference between a cut penis and an intact one throughout their lives, but what ultimately matters is when people are at an age when they finally educate themselves about the reality of circumcision. When that boy finally learns that an important piece of him was taken away without his consent, it will be a sad day.

[claddaghmom]

I say don't let this become leverage that your DH uses against you. B/c that is a completely normal thing for a little kid to say and it sounds as if it is being blown out of proportion.

[intactDS]

Just make sure you transfer your good attitude about the state of his penis to him. if he notices you and your DH tense up when things like this happen, he'll learn to tense up about it too. I am an intact male in my 20's and I never felt there was anything "strange" or "funny" about my penis because my parents never did anything to make me feel that way, despite the fact that, with the exception of my older brother, the males around me (my dad and my cousins) were circumcised. They just patiently explained the difference when I asked.

It never occurred to me that there might be something unusual or wrong about my penis. I think adult men often are wired to think or feel that way, but little kids just accept what they have. If they know that their parents (the most important and influential people in their lives) accept it, too, I think they will be set up to have a good attitude about it as they get older.

[Norasmomma]

Well I'd never be concerned with something the under 5 set would say, kids say things that don't necessarily mean what they are saying. My DD tells me my belly is big and compared to hers it is big, she told my friend she had a big butt, same thing compared to DD's butt it is big(my friend already has a butt complex, so the 3 year old saying that didn't help).

We dealt with comments from my BIL his reasons for circ-ing his son were the well I want him to look like his friends, so he doesn't get made fun of. DH and I discussed in depth before DS was born (we didn't know if he was a boy or not) and according to DH as a kid there were a few kids in his class who were intact, no one ever made fun of them, even the meanest guy in class. When they showered after PE they all were naked and felt vulnerable, being made fun of just didn't happen.

[Cheshire]

It happens (edited to add I mean it happens that people will say something, not that it happens, being made fun of reference in the post above mine that we must have been typing at the same time, ha ha ha) - thinking through what to say ahead of time helps a lot. I agree it all depends on who says it and what context it is in. Telling the little one it's not funny, just normal and uncirc'd is a fine response. Or, you can just let his mom handle it like she said to him. I bet she doesn't want him to feel weird about his as well (assuming he's circ'd).

Our son never noticed a difference between his and his dad's. When he was four he had a horrible UTI and circ was suggested by a number of docs. We said it wasn't an option and found a urologist to help get it cleared up. DS wanted to know what circ was so we explained. A few days later when he was in the tub he looked down at himself and said "mom, dad, thanks for not letting them cut off my penis."

We explained that it wasn't cutting the whole thing off and that we wanted him as God made him and he didn't need anything cut off. He was fine with that answer and I'm glad to know he likes the way he is.

Your attitude will teach him a lot. I'm sorry if your DH was caught off guard, especially if he isn't fully into the intact camp. But, kids will say the most interesting things and catch us off guard in all types of situations about all sorts of stuff.

[Ron_Low]

Originally Posted by rclaz

HER son said something like "mom, his penis looks funny!" . . . Our sitter I guess responded by saying something like, "no it doesn't, be quiet."

I think any time adults are surprised by a child's frankness, we need to be very careful about what happens next in this teachable moment. "Be quiet" is a huge mistake because it just mystifies the topic and reduces the odds the child will speak up in an unfamilar settingin the future. "Be quiet" is a way to literally choke the scientist out of a child.

We need to take a breath and conjure the words to address the situation in frank and open language with proper anatomic terms and no flinching at the sound of them.

[Smokering]

If this child had only ever seen feet without toes, he would have looked at your son and said "His feet look funny".

That's what I'd point out to your DH. The kid wasn't issuing some objective pronouncement on the comparative beauty of circed vs uncirced baby penises; he was confusing normalcy with otherness, and that's a symptom of his sad culture, not your baby's penis' attractiveness. (Man, I type weird things on this forum..

[sapphire_chan]

With a dad who is worried what a 5 year old thinks of his son's penis, your ds is going to have way more problems than whether his foreskin's been cut off or not.

Feel free to quote me directly to your dh on that one.

[CorasMama]

the kid is little. Little kids say odd things. How does your DH (or anyone) know he wasn't referring to a difference in size or proportion or color?

[mrsfru]

We spent a week at the beach w/my sil and my niece and nephew....my nephew and my son had both just turned 4...ds is not circ'd and dn is...

They talked, laughed, made fun of, discussed their penises ad nauseum, EVERY...SINGLE....DAY. They said ridiculous things about BOTH of them. Unfortunately, there were multiple opportunities for comparison that week, since we were at the beach! I wouldn't put much stock in a young child's comments about your son looking different.

Just stick w/the basics--everyone IS different and that's what a penis looks like when the foreskin hasn't been removed.

My boys are 4.5 and 1, and it has rarely come up at all.

GL!

mrsfru

[brant31]

The sitter's son was expressing curiosity, not making a value judgment. It's seldom prudent to project adult intent onto a small child's words.

And an infant's penis does look a little funny, even to a child only 10 times his age (4 1/2), even if both are intact or both are circumcised. The sitter's son may have seen her change other boys, but may not have noticed a long or short foreskin. He may not have even been referring to circumcision status, so it's certainly not appropriate to infer it.

[incorrigible]

Originally Posted by CorasMama

the kid is little. Little kids say odd things. How does your DH (or anyone) know he wasn't referring to a difference in size or proportion or color?

^this, exactly.

my ds in INTACT and made this comment about a friend's intact boy when he was about 3. The baby's was short and thick. Ds's was long and thin. It was a very *eyeroll* moment for all the parents.

[proudmomof4]

Originally Posted by Smokering

If this child had only ever seen feet without toes, he would have looked at your son and said "His feet look funny".

That's what I'd point out to your DH. The kid wasn't issuing some objective pronouncement on the comparative beauty of circed vs uncirced baby penises; he was confusing normalcy with otherness, and that's a symptom of his sad culture, not your baby's penis' attractiveness. (Man, I type weird things on this forum..

I can so relate!

As you can see from my signature we live in China. People in general and children especially around here seem to think I and 2 of my sons look "funny" because we're blond. Well, guess what, I still don't regret that I didn't dye our hair black before we moved here.

[Isaac'sMa]

My intact DS (4 yo) said that about my nephew's penis when I was changing his diaper. I generally stick to saying something like, "Every boy's penis looks different"

[tutucrazy]

You should be very sure your sitter knows never to try to retract!

[NamastePlatypus]

I would have said, that is how yours looked when you were born, and let his mom tell him what they did. Then again, I am not known for cooth.