or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › I'm Pregnant › Dealing with everyone elses gender preference.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Dealing with everyone elses gender preference. - Page 2

post #21 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peace+Hope View Post
my grandmother wants me to have a girl because she had some pink booties she got from some lady who knits them at her church. she had them before she knew i was pregnant, and she's already mailed them to me. they are the only non gender-neutral thing i have/will have up to the birth. every time i talk to her on the phone, she acts like it's my decision whether i have a girl or boy, like it's still undecided!

she's allowed to be a wack-job though, cause she's 95.
That's actually kind of cute. Make sure you put those pink booties on your baby (boy or girl) and send her a picture.
post #22 of 45
People always have something stupid to say. When I had DD, I heard "Oh, how nice, one of each and you're done now!". Uh... so, are you saying I shouldn't have anymore kids?
People say something no matter WHAT. I really really try hard not to say anything to pregnant women at all, especially since some women (or the fathers) truly do have a preference (and I'm not saying that's a bad thing at all, I mean, I really really wanted a DD after I had DS, I just did), so I think you really run the risk of hurting someone by saying anything related to gender/sex. You never know what someone's dream family is.
post #23 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3*is*magic View Post
I used to get that all the time with #3, because my first 2 were girls.

If my children were around when people made "you must really want a boy after two girls" comments, I'd say (in a very neutral voice and without smiling), "You do of course realize that my daughters can hear you say that?"
OR
If they said it to just me or my husband, the response would be, "We'd be delighted to have another daughter."

The key was to leave it at that and not say another word, but still to maintain eye contact. It made people VERY uncomfortable. Usually they'd mumble something about a healthy baby and walk away quickly .
This is a perfect response. I am amazed how many people think anyone under 10 years old is deaf, dumb and blind.

I also have another theory - I think that when human eyes see a pregnant belly, the usual social filters between brain and mouth dissolve completely and their IQ drops about 20 points.
post #24 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by dannic View Post
I think it goes both ways...you've got girls? You must be hoping for a boy. and vice versa. And then, if you've got one of each (as was my case) I got people commenting on why I was having another. As if it's their business. People like to be nosy with pregnant women. It's like they think we're vulnerable to attack or something. (who knows, with all the raging hormones, maybe we are...or maybe they should be worried that we'll bite their heads off, lol!)
I've had the same comments. People kept asking why I was 'bothering' with another when I already had a 'perfect' family with one of each.
post #25 of 45
This has been the biggest downside of this pregnancy. I'm also having my third and it's my third boy and we are thrilled BUT people's reactions are horrible. I seriously get looks of pity, it's insane.
Anyway, I have no advice because I just say I love being surrounded by boys but I'm not sure everyone is convinced .
post #26 of 45
Thread Starter 
hahahaha! I love all these responses! I was just talking to a friend who I think summed it up well. She said "Society in general just wants you to have one of each gender and they can't be happy if you dont do that."

Thanks for all the stories!

Michelle
post #27 of 45
I was the third of six girls. By the time my youngest sister was born, people had abandoned any pretence at tact and said things like "Oh, what a shame!". FTR, we were SO happy she was a girl! By that point we really didn't want boys. Even now, when people hear I have five sisters they feel compelled to offer sympathies to my dad. And people think it's hilarious that I (the only one of my sisters to procreate thus far) also had a girl... as if it were set in stone by my family history, never mind that DH came from a one girl-one boy family. I would've gotten comments if I'd had a boy too, though...

That's one of the things I'm least looking forward to about being pregnant again, actually! People's desire to find some kind of... conspiracy... in our children's sexes.
post #28 of 45
People are just rude, as far as I can tell. This is our second, we don't know the gender and as soon as people found out they were already telling us they'd be keeping their fingers crossed for a boy, since we already have a girl, or they knew we'd decided to have another one so DH could have a son. Ummm....no. Actually, DH doesn't care one way or the other and I think it would be kind of cool to have another girl, so DD would have a sister (I'm very close to my sisters) and this is the only other child we're having.

I understand how you feel, because even though this is only #2 for us, the idea that people will either be disappointed themselves or think we are disappointed with a certain gender makes me soooooo mad. It's infuriating and rude, and it's like saying one gender is going to be a disappointment to them.
post #29 of 45
I've gotten this also since I already have 2 girls, but it doesn't annoy me at all. We're thrilled to finally be getting a boy in the mix, but to be honest, if I never had a girl, I'd be despite the love I'd obviously have for my hypothetical boys. I love doing girly things with my girls, which isn't for everybody, but I am pretty girly myself . So, I guess I kind of understand what people mean and I don't blame them for having an opinion about it. Boys and girls are just different (one isn't "better" than the other). Some mama's I know are happy to never have girls, some are to never have boys, some don't care what they get- but all want healthy little babies, that's for sure
post #30 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
And people think it's hilarious that I (the only one of my sisters to procreate thus far) also had a girl... as if it were set in stone by my family history
This is us too, dp has 2 brothers, so does his dad, and so did his grandpa, and his brother has 3 boys and so do we. No girls at all, lol!
And five sisters!! Wow, that's awesome, I have two, and we're very close, I can only imagine if there were six of us!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plummeting View Post
the idea that people will either be disappointed themselves or think we are disappointed with a certain gender makes me soooooo mad. It's infuriating and rude, and it's like saying one gender is going to be a disappointment to them.
: People aren't just dissing a specific gender, but a little person, you know? There is actually a little boy in my belly, how in the world could I be disappointed and how in the world could someone look at me with pity??
post #31 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by soso-lynn View Post
That's actually kind of cute. Make sure you put those pink booties on your baby (boy or girl) and send her a picture.
totally. i actually think it would bend her mind to see a boy great-grandbaby wearing them!
post #32 of 45
I'm in the same boat, so I feel your pain! I'm 17 weeks preg. with #3. We have 2 DS's already. I guess on one hand I understand that it would be cool to have a girl, b/c they ARE different, but that doesn't mean I won't be in love with a 3rd son either! The thing that really bugs me is that it's no one's business. I just want to tell people to leave me alone sometimes! Like pp said, they think they can say anything while you're preg, but then when the baby comes the comments die down. Just know that you're not alone! Hang in there; this too shall pass!
post #33 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by COgirl19 View Post
I also have another theory - I think that when human eyes see a pregnant belly, the usual social filters between brain and mouth dissolve completely and their IQ drops about 20 points.
LOL! Great theory- it must be true!! Everyone has an opinion about EVERYTHING when your expecting, and they just HAVE to share it. Ugh!
post #34 of 45
Jerky comments from other people-friends, family, and acquaintances alike-are why I didn't want to find out the baby's sex this pregnancy. With my last pregnancy, when we found out we were having our 3rd girl, I was flabbergasted at how many people said things like "oh that's too bad you're having another girl." Yeah, because a healthy baby is such a shame.

The only reason we found out this time, was because my husband begged me to, and we had agreed that if it were another girl, we would just tell people we weren't finding out. Actually, I ended up having an ultrasound at 15 weeks when my OB couldn't find the heartbeat when I was at an appt. by myself, and I was able to see he was a boy. If he had been a girl, I may have put my foot down about finding out, because although he never actually said anything negative about having another girl the last time around, he was upset, and I didn't want to deal with that again.

We're both in agreement that if/when we have another child, we won't be finding out, which I'm thrilled with.
post #35 of 45
My mom had three girls and my sister has a girl, and my mom seems to expect that I must follow this trend. She refers to the baby as 'her' and 'she'-- "I just know it's a girl", etc. So now I kind of want to have a boy. Other than that, I really don't care, I don't know what the big freakin deal is.

People act weird around pregnant women, it's just the way it is. People are also weird about gender. I really don't understand it.
post #36 of 45
I tell everyone that if this is a boy, he'll be wearing pink anyway, because that's what we've already got.

The first two grandchildren in my family were girls, and my brother and SIL are also currently expecting babies (twins, in their case). I was awfully relieved when they found out they were having boys, so what I have doesn't matter, for variety's sake. On DH's side, we're the only breeders, and I think they are pulling for a boy, but whatever. They'll take what they get.
post #37 of 45
I have 3 boys, and we're pg with baby #4. We never find out the gender beforehand. People are stupid. I heard it constantly with #3, and haven't told anyone about #4 yet, mainly for that reason. It's as if the only reason we'd have another one is to "try for a girl."

The thing is, I do know parents of boys/girls that are very open about continuing to try for the opposite gender. So, I think others assume that's what everyone wants.
post #38 of 45
I haven't had to deal too much with this yet. I'm pregnant with my first and everybody on my side is just thrilled at the prospect of a baby, regardless of gender. It'll be the first baby in the family, first grandbaby, first neice or nephew. My MIL, however, is rooting for a boy. My SIL has had two girls so I think my MIL just wants some variety. She's done the little girl thing, now for little boys.....I guess. (my neice is almost 9 so the baby stage is long gone) I know she'll be happy regardless and it doesn't really bug me too much but it does make me uncomfortable to have someone really rooting for a certain sex....
post #39 of 45
So many people have assumed I would want a girl since I have a son. Peopl think one of each would be perfect. I just tell them I will be happy with whatever, but it would make my life much easier to have another boy.
post #40 of 45
Well I'm pregnant with boy #4 so you can only imagine the comments I get! People ask me if I'm going to keep trying, as if the other kids are my attempt at a girl!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: I'm Pregnant
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › I'm Pregnant › Dealing with everyone elses gender preference.