homeschooled kids are weird - Page 4

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by philomom

Actually, many MDC homeschooling moms feel the need to post in the learning at school forum about "this is why they homeschool" if any little problem is mentioned.

I have experience homeschooling ... so I feel qualified to comment on learning at home. My time spent homeschooling was deeply rewarding but ultimately not the best choice for our kids.

It just seems you are commenting more about your public school experiences than homeschooling. Perhaps you will get the kudos you and affirmations you are seeking on the learning at school boards. My sense is that most people here are homeschooling because they believe it is the best educational option for their children, rather than because it is a stop gap measurement to a short term issue like overcrowding.

[lotusfloatus]

Personally I think that image obsessed, brand idolizing, facebook savy eight year olds break my heart, and I'll take my "weird" elf loving, freely dancing, mismatched homeschool kid and love letting her be a kid.

Not that all public school kids are beaten into submitting to that mold, but there will always be pressure to fit in, and I have to wonder what it is that we are allowing as acceptable social norms for children.

[pigpokey]

Oh, I find many typical traits of schooled kids deeply weird. I have heard that you have to have the right kind / brand of underwear in the locker room now. Also schooled kids don't take their clothes off anymore in locker rooms. They put their bathing suits on over their underwear and then slip the underwear off through the suit. I think this is because they fear having their picture taken naked with someone's phone. That's weird because you'd think all that socialization would create a culture more polite than that.

[peachsara]

Originally Posted by sarahlynne

No offense to all the "weird" people out there, but "weird" kids come form "weird" families, public schooled, private schooled or homeschooled. That is really the end of the argument for me - cuz' I never met any weird kids while attending public school, right

Exactly this!

My mother used this argument with me over the weekend. Apparently, my brother knows someone who was homeschooled, is 22, still lives at home and his parents like it that way. GASP! NO WAY! 'cause I'm 29 and I guarantee you that my mother would be over the moon excited if I decided to move back home and never leave. And, I wasn't homeschooled.

I've been to private and public schools and encountered sooooo many "weird" people. Atleast with homeschooling, I will have more control over the weirdness level with my kids.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by peachsara

Apparently, my brother knows someone who was homeschooled, is 22, still lives at home and his parents like it that way. GASP! NO WAY!

WTF? I was public schooled. I lived at home until I was 23, because I was planning to get married, and didn't see any reason to blow money on my own place before that. (The living situation was really unusual, though. There were three women living there, all single. So, it was kind of a mom/daughter thing, and kind of a roomie thing.)

DH's two younger brothers are 27 and almost 25, and they both still live at home. They were both public schooled. My ex's uncle never did move out, and was still at home when his mom passed away. He was...45, I think? (He stayed, because his parents both had health problems, and needed help around the house.) He was public schooled, too.

OP: The thing about what your dc wanted for Christmas is beyond cute. I loved that with ds2 last year, too. When asked what he wanted, he said "a candy cane". When pressed about whether there was anything else, he said "a hedgehog", meaning a chocolate hedgehog. I think it's sweet.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by lotusfloatus

Personally I think that image obsessed, brand idolizing, facebook savy eight year olds break my heart, and I'll take my "weird" elf loving, freely dancing, mismatched homeschool kid and love letting her be a kid.

Not that all public school kids are beaten into submitting to that mold, but there will always be pressure to fit in, and I have to wonder what it is that we are allowing as acceptable social norms for children.

I've seen "weird" kids on both sides. Heck, I was public schooled. That right there should automatically be a knock against Illinois' public school system.

[peachsara]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

WTF? I was public schooled. I lived at home until I was 23, because I was planning to get married, and didn't see any reason to blow money on my own place before that. (The living situation was really unusual, though. There were three women living there, all single. So, it was kind of a mom/daughter thing, and kind of a roomie thing.)

DH's two younger brothers are 27 and almost 25, and they both still live at home. They were both public schooled. My ex's uncle never did move out, and was still at home when his mom passed away. He was...45, I think? (He stayed, because his parents both had health problems, and needed help around the house.) He was public schooled, too.

OP: The thing about what your dc wanted for Christmas is beyond cute. I loved that with ds2 last year, too. When asked what he wanted, he said "a candy cane". When pressed about whether there was anything else, he said "a hedgehog", meaning a chocolate hedgehog. I think it's sweet.

I really hope you understand that I don't think that is weird at all. I just found it ridiculous that my mother cited this as an example of homeschooled "weirdness" and was amazed at how hypocritical her statement was.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by peachsara

My mother used this argument with me over the weekend. Apparently, my brother knows someone who was homeschooled, is 22, still lives at home and his parents like it that way. GASP! NO WAY!

that made me laugh outloud. 22 is so young. it's hardly "failure to launch" if a college aged adult is still at home.

[MJB]

It has been our experience in HS groups that *many* homeschooled kids are very anti-social/shy, and overly attached to their parents. But *my* homeschooled kid isn't like that at all. He is in school for the first time this year (will be HS again next year) and is very popular and well-liked, more independent and capable than most of his peers, athletic, and basically as much of an all-american boy that you can imagine. He is nicer than many of his classmates who have been in school for years, he sticks up for kids who are picked on and goes out of his way to make others feel good. When people (ie my mom) express concern over his socialization, I simply point to him.
It's up to the parents whether or not their HS kid is "weird." Lots of people prefer their kids to be weird. If you want a "normal" kid, it's easily doable. We met many normal kids in HS groups as well.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by LoMaH

Let's see, his mom gets embarrassed by her ds's loud singing in public?
Hmm, I'll guess the *mom's* the one who went to school! LOL
(sorry, couldn't help myself.. yk, I'm kidding, right?)

You're absolutely right. However, my mother also went to public school and I find her public behavior very embarrassing, as well. She is not a mean or bad person, but she lacks any sort of grace or manners.

I think that part of me is an inborn trait to some degree.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by philomom

Actually, many MDC homeschooling moms feel the need to post in the learning at school forum about "this is why they homeschool" if any little problem is mentioned.

Yeah, and it's probably annoying. So why stoop to that level?

I have experience homeschooling ... so I feel qualified to comment on learning at home. My time spent homeschooling was deeply rewarding but ultimately not the best choice for our kids.

And your experiences pertain to this particular thread in what way? This thread is about stereotyping homeschooled kids as weird. Were your kids weird during the time you homeschooled them? Did sending them to school make them less weird?

Whenever someone makes a positive comment about their homeschooled kid, you chime in with a positive comment about your public-schooled kid. If I say my child is kind and well-behaved, that does not imply that your child is not. Nobody is dissing you or your choices.

[mama2mygirl]

The problem here is that everyone has a different idea of "weird."
My idea of "weird homeschoolers" are the kids who walk up and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk to me and never take a breath. They seem to think I am absolutely fascinated by everything they have to say and I'm just not. These are also the kids who tend to not play with the other kids. They hang out with their parents and the adults.
The high schoolers in our homeschool group actually wear really trendy clothes and if I had to guess, I would have guessed that they are schooled. They look and dress the same. They also never, ever hang with their parents. (Although, they are nice and get a lot of, "Hey !Watch your little brother/sister while I [insert activity]!")
My daughter is super social and in first grade. My father-in-law actually said, "Wow, she makes friends really easily." She does.
The kids who are "weird"--won't leave their parent's side, won't be at all flexible about anything and, in my humble little opinion, act like giant entitled two-year-olds--are the ones whose parents literally wait for them outside their classes and say things like, "At eight, she's just not ready for any activities without me." These kids are also mostlly only children. (Because,really, once you have more than one, who can do this?)
So I say that everyone has a different idea of what weird is and the kids that I think are weird have parents who have helped them become this way.

[Jenelle]

Originally Posted by philomom

Actually, many MDC homeschooling moms feel the need to post in the learning at school forum about "this is why they homeschool" if any little problem is mentioned.

Huh. Well thank you for sharing that with me, that is very interesting. I personally don't know why anyone would want to do that... Unless they are looking for validation for their choice to homeschool. I would assume that if someone over there had questions about homeschooling, they would come here.

Originally Posted by philomom

I have experience homeschooling ... so I feel qualified to comment on learning at home. My time spent homeschooling was deeply rewarding but ultimately not the best choice for our kids.

I have experience with public school... so I feel qualified to comment on learning at school. But I don't ever feel the *need* to.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by MJB

It has been our experience in HS groups that *many* homeschooled kids are very anti-social/shy, and overly attached to their parents. But *my* homeschooled kid isn't like that at all. He is in school for the first time this year (will be HS again next year) and is very popular and well-liked, more independent and capable than most of his peers, athletic, and basically as much of an all-american boy that you can imagine. He is nicer than many of his classmates who have been in school for years, he sticks up for kids who are picked on and goes out of his way to make others feel good. When people (ie my mom) express concern over his socialization, I simply point to him.
It's up to the parents whether or not their HS kid is "weird." Lots of people prefer their kids to be weird. If you want a "normal" kid, it's easily doable. We met many normal kids in HS groups as well.

Being anti-social or shy is weird? What is it...30% of people are introverts? Plus anti-social does NOT equal shy. They are different things. I have three shy introverts and one very social extrovert. It's personality. I was very, desperately shy growing up and public school made that worse for me. My parents were all extroverted and couldn't understand why I was uncomfortable. I guess I just don't see shy as being "weird". In my Girl Scout group, most of the girls are shy and my daughter is the only one of 18 kids there who is homeschooled.

I just don't see how making your kids "normal" really should be a goal. Shouldn't we let them be who they are instead of molding them to be "normal"? Accepting your children as they are, I always felt, was a huge part of homeschooling. You take their weakness, strengths, and personality in mind when you educate them for their better instead of making them conform to the box.

But then again, we are simply one of the very few "weird" families in town simply because we aren't townies, aren't Christian, homebirth, breastfeed, etc. It just depends on your view. I consider a lot of people weird, but I'm a gleaming example of weirdness with my bibliomania, crazy cat lady tendencies, preference not to rake my leaves, and tendencies to put my foot in my mouth. Before I started homeschooling, "weird" homeschoolers to me were the super Conservative religious homeschoolers whose teenagers couldn't cross the street without holding mommy's hand (no seriously, in my German college class, we had this exact kid). But then again, there were quite a few of those I went to school with in high school. All perspective.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Jenelle

I don't ever frequent the "Learning at School" board, so I just don't understand. I can't imagine popping in to the threads over there, and making comments like "Well, my child can read also, and I homeschool him."

Plenty of homeschoolers do. It's VERY annoying.

My 2 cents on weirdness....

A higher % of homeschooled kids are weird then schooled kids, but homeschooling doesn't cause weirdness.

Homeschooled kids tend to have parents who think outside the box, so weirdness is allowed blossom in their families, both through genes and environment. Lots of moms have already explained on this thread about how their child is weird and how happy they are about it!

Also, a lot of weird kids tried school first but never really fit (either though learning style or socially) so the parent pulled them out. The child was weird first, and homeschooling came later.

My kids homeschooled in a relaxed way until they were 10 and 12 and then started pulblic school. One is a popular cheerleader with straight As and tons of friends. The other has Aspergers and is quirky (I don't like the term "weird," it's mean). Homeschooling didn't have any impact on their levels of weirdness. They just are who they are. One easily figures out what makes others comfortable and is perky and positive. Other people like that. One has some real challanges relating to others.

They both feel really good about themselves and neither feel like they need to fit in to be OK as people, and I like to think that homeschooling for the early years helped with that.

[Smokering]

Or does he think they are going to gradually become weird, from being with their parents... the same parents who have not made them weird so far?

Exactly. If he feels the refreshing normalcy of the school system is all that has prevented you sucking your children into a dark morass of weird, doesn't your family have bigger problems to worry about?

I was homeschooled (and public schooled and private schooled, actually, but HSed for the last few years of school), and I'm certainly no poster child for normal. But if we can divide the "weird" into categories:

1. Slightly Aspie. Genetic, as far as they know. Not the fault of homeschooling.
2. Interested in arcane topics. I don't think this is a bad thing at all. Having specialised niches of knowledge (as long as they are combined with bigger-picture stuff, not zeroed in on to a complete exclusion of the way the rest of the world works) is a good way to become an expert in your field and end up in a job you love. I remember being interested in arcane topics before I was homeschooled, so it didn't cause it, but it did give me more time to indulge my passion in those topics (Tolkien and cooking are the two that spring to mind from that era).
3. Some non-mainstream political/religious/philosophical/medical views. The same could probably be said for most people on MDC. Not caused by homeschooling per se - Mum didn't sit us down and teach us about Weston A Price or child-led weaning - but caused by the kinds of people my parents are, and by my tendencies to research and to apply formal logic to arguments.
4. Slight tendency to depression (never to the point of requiring medication). Triggered by the suicide of a friend at 16, plus my family is riddled with it. Some phobias, triggered by watching Free Willy at a tender age and an unpleasant experience in an antique shop as a small child. Neither caused by homeschooling.
5. Non-mainstream tastes in music, clothing, design etc. To be honest, homeschooling probably fostered this a bit. But retro's in right now, so... woot? Plus, the lack of TV and my interest in history - neither of which were homeschooling-related - probably contributed just as much.

So... you see the problem? It would be easy to look at me and go "Oh well, she was homeschooled", but that wouldn't plumb the depths of my weirdness. And I bet most "weird" people have similarly tortuous explanations for their different facets of weirdness, not all of which involve the way they were educated.

[oceanbaby]

I went to school with plenty of "weird" kids. There are plenty of "weird" kids in our homeschool circle. I don't really see much of a correlation. The only distinction I definitely see is that the "weird" kids who are in school are much more stressed about their weirdness.

However, it is true that because kids who are "weird" often have harder times in school, their parents are more likely to pull them out, and therefore there might be slightly more represented in homeschooling groups.

Ds1, who has been homeschooled from the beginning, is the picture of the All American Boy. He is way more outgoing and social than dh and I are.

[ankh]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

And Dumbing us Down is a great book to keep in the bathroom

That worked for me with my dh.

[Needle in the Hay]

Originally Posted by happy1nluv

He doesn't really want to talk about it - just "they're going to school, don't start" and he's done...

This is really disrespectful. Is he controlling in general or just about this issue?

I also wanted to say that you don't need to decide anything further than the present time, so if they are preschool age now you only need to decide about pre-school, later only about kindergarten. You guys can always see how it goes and reassess the situation from time to time.
I like a PP's suggestion of putting the shoe on the other foot and having him make his case to you that it's better to send them to school. You are doing all the research so he should have to come up with something better than "homeschooled kids are weird".

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

And Dumbing us Down is a great book to keep in the bathroom

I was just coming here to post this! Weapons of Mass Instruction is another great one! As is the Underground History of American Education...These books helped secure our confidence in home education.