Attachment Parenting Questions

[TTCH785]

Hello,,

  Thank you

Edited by TTCH785 - 5/16/11 at 4:33am

[Learning_Mum]

Here is my opinion.

AP is about meeting your childs needs. Some children need you with them, other children can happily fall asleep by themselves. Personally if it was me, I'd just put her down if she falls asleep happily alone. You can make up for cuddle time during the day while she is awake.

CIO - not good. I think all AP parents would agree on that one, but a happy baby who goes to sleep contentedly without any crying or fussing would probably be every parents dream! I have to lie down with my 20 month old. Sometimes it's nice to be able to snuggle up, but most of the time (and esp lately as it's takes upwards of an hour for him to go off), I'd love to be able to read him a story, have a little cuddle then put him in his cot and have him happily fall asleep!

Being AP is about being there for your kids when they need you. It something that changes as they get older and there becomes a difference between wants and needs. If a baby cries, you try to meet whatever their need is to the best of your ability, as they get older you start to distinguish between what their need is (ie: food) or their want is (ie: going outside when they can't).

Anyway, my thought is - if she's happy falling asleep by herself, let her. Have lots of cuddles and love during the day.

You might also want to post in the adoption forum as I know there are other things to consider when it comes to adopting, esp as older child internationally who may have issues with attachment.

ETA: I know not everyone would agree with this, but I do think in this situation you could be making a "rod for your own back". She might be happy and able to go to sleep by herself now, but if you continue rocking it may get to the point where she needs that in order to go to sleep and you won't have the option of putting her down happily when you need to.

[TiredX2]

How old is your DD?

ETA: You might want to cross post this in Adoptive Parenting as well.

[TiredX2]

Moved to The Family Bed & Nighttime Parenting

[TTCH785]

Hello,

P.S. Thank you for moving my thread to the correct forum

Edited by TTCH785 - 5/16/11 at 4:33am

[ktmama]

Renee, I just wanted to say I think this is one of the sweetest posts I've ever read. I don't think you can go wrong when you're main concern is that you can her to feel that secure!

[moonmom08]

I agree with above...AP seems to manifest itself differently with each child's personality. If your DD can fall asleep alone, you may just want to allow her to do that. Maybe still have an intimate routine before naps and bedtime (book, song, cuddle and kiss) and then just lay her down.

I may be wrong, so totally disregard the following if so, but I feel as though you may be wondering if she doesn't need you to fall asleep because she is not attached. Or, if she will not become attached if you aren't there when she falls asleep. And generally, I would say that even a very attached baby could still fall asleep independently, it is just a personality issue. But since your LO was with someone else for 7 months, who knows if she was sleep-trained or what? If she has been trained to cope with abandonment at night time, I suppose that is a different issue and one someone else may have better suggestions for!

Other adoptive parents may have much, much more insight than I, but I would imagine that the more she knows that you are there for her when she needs you, the more attached she will be (other times besides bedtimes). And so perhaps really focus on the times when you sense or she communicates that she needs you. Who knows, as your relationship grows maybe this will someday or sometimes include bedtimes as well.