I'm sort of at a loss here. ExDP left when I was 3 months pregnant and I only saw him a couple of times after that. From the day I found out I was pregnant he spent exactly $3 on me, for a bowl of soup, and that was the extent of his financial contribution to the pregnancy.
Fast forward to a week after DS was born; exDP emails me saying an old GF of his wants him back, and at first he was thrilled, but realized that he loves me and our son and wants "us" back. I was rather miffed and nowhere near as receptive as he was apparently expecting. In hindsight maybe I should have been more open but after going through the whole pregnancy alone, him looking to come back on the scene felt intrusive at first. Not to mention the fact that he had obviously been spending time with this old GF while I'm raising my three kids and gestating a fourth ALONE. The whole thing just left me cold.
Then I didn't hear from him for awhile again. So that annoyed me, because, HELLO, this is just getting to be a little too predictable, kwim? Next time I heard from him (email again) he says he "heard" that I didn't think DS was his, and he agreed with that because based on the ONE picture he'd seen of him, he did not look like him at all. Um, okay we don't even know the same PEOPLE so wtf did you "hear" that from?!? Nevermind that there was never any question in my mind as to this baby's paternity. Unfortunately.
So naturally, I went OFF. I mean if he wants to hook up with his old GF, fine, but he does not need to vilify me in order to do so. I never once cheated on him. Gah. This *still* pisses me off to talk about.
So he writes back and says "I didn't say that to make you angry". As if being accused of cheating isn't grounds for feeling angry. ::ripping hair out::
Aaaaand then I don't hear from him again.
So I do my own detective work and find the old-(new)-GF's certain social networking page complete with pics of the two of them together and a play-by-play status update of their impending nuptials. And then I freaked out. All of this in less than a month. WHO DOES THAT?!?!
So now that I'm returning to work, in order to get Child Care Assistance I have to have an open child support case against this guy. Ok, fine that makes sense I guess. But this guy and his family are loaded. And he would much rather fight for custody than pay CS for another kid, (he has two sons from two prior marriages he's already paying for). And I'm just a little (okay, A LOT) terrified of losing my baby whom I am desperately in love with and would do absolutely anything for. I mean I am just sick over it. To the point that I almost never put my baby down because I feel like my time with him could be limited and I just want to soak him up.
Obviously as a single mom with now four kids, I don't have the means to fight him. Nor do I care to try. But if I don't get the CCA I am essentially working to pay daycare and that is IT. In fact, I stand to *lose* money working by paying daycare.
If I don't go back to work and live off assistance until next fall at least I will only have my baby in daycare at that point (until summer rolls around again) and maybe I can swing that without assistance and skip the CS crap. But in keeping my (very good) job that I have already had for 2 years, I feel this further proves my stability should we end up in court. And truth be told, I don't know what he's plotting. He could be planning to fight me for custody whether I ask for CS or not, just to be an @ss. I doubt it, but who knows. So I would like to be prepared on all fronts, iykwim.
Any advice from mamas who have BTDT?! I am just wild with fear right now and that is not a good place from which to be doing clear-headed thinking.
Fast forward to a week after DS was born; exDP emails me saying an old GF of his wants him back, and at first he was thrilled, but realized that he loves me and our son and wants "us" back. I was rather miffed and nowhere near as receptive as he was apparently expecting. In hindsight maybe I should have been more open but after going through the whole pregnancy alone, him looking to come back on the scene felt intrusive at first. Not to mention the fact that he had obviously been spending time with this old GF while I'm raising my three kids and gestating a fourth ALONE. The whole thing just left me cold.
Then I didn't hear from him for awhile again. So that annoyed me, because, HELLO, this is just getting to be a little too predictable, kwim? Next time I heard from him (email again) he says he "heard" that I didn't think DS was his, and he agreed with that because based on the ONE picture he'd seen of him, he did not look like him at all. Um, okay we don't even know the same PEOPLE so wtf did you "hear" that from?!? Nevermind that there was never any question in my mind as to this baby's paternity. Unfortunately.
So naturally, I went OFF. I mean if he wants to hook up with his old GF, fine, but he does not need to vilify me in order to do so. I never once cheated on him. Gah. This *still* pisses me off to talk about.So he writes back and says "I didn't say that to make you angry". As if being accused of cheating isn't grounds for feeling angry. ::ripping hair out::
Aaaaand then I don't hear from him again.
So I do my own detective work and find the old-(new)-GF's certain social networking page complete with pics of the two of them together and a play-by-play status update of their impending nuptials. And then I freaked out. All of this in less than a month. WHO DOES THAT?!?!
So now that I'm returning to work, in order to get Child Care Assistance I have to have an open child support case against this guy. Ok, fine that makes sense I guess. But this guy and his family are loaded. And he would much rather fight for custody than pay CS for another kid, (he has two sons from two prior marriages he's already paying for). And I'm just a little (okay, A LOT) terrified of losing my baby whom I am desperately in love with and would do absolutely anything for. I mean I am just sick over it. To the point that I almost never put my baby down because I feel like my time with him could be limited and I just want to soak him up.
Obviously as a single mom with now four kids, I don't have the means to fight him. Nor do I care to try. But if I don't get the CCA I am essentially working to pay daycare and that is IT. In fact, I stand to *lose* money working by paying daycare.
If I don't go back to work and live off assistance until next fall at least I will only have my baby in daycare at that point (until summer rolls around again) and maybe I can swing that without assistance and skip the CS crap. But in keeping my (very good) job that I have already had for 2 years, I feel this further proves my stability should we end up in court. And truth be told, I don't know what he's plotting. He could be planning to fight me for custody whether I ask for CS or not, just to be an @ss. I doubt it, but who knows. So I would like to be prepared on all fronts, iykwim.
Any advice from mamas who have BTDT?! I am just wild with fear right now and that is not a good place from which to be doing clear-headed thinking.
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