What time to wake DH up in the AM? - Page 2

[Kuba'sMama]

First of all, I know it's hard to have the whole load of "home life" on your shoulders. But I think your husband does need his sleep, given his work hours. I know my dh probably needs more sleep than most (low blood pressure, among other things) and he is just unable to function on low sleep. Of course he would not be able to survive a shift like your dh, neither would I for that matter. On average, I think 3 hours a day in the week does sound pretty good. My husband leaves for work before we wake up and comes home at 3:45.. but since he is up very early, he goes down for an hour or hour and a half after work.. so then he might have another 2 hours with the kids before they're in bed (which he does usually).
I would have a talk with him and see if you can make Saturday or Sunday a family day, where you get to have an outing or some special time together. I assume he doesn't work 7 nights a week? He must have a night off at least once a week?

[mami to 3 :)]

DH is WOH at the moment, so both of us are home. He wakes up at 7am on weekdays 8am at the most and on weekends I let him sleep in, because all of us do

[4evermom]

I wouldn't actually wake up dh unless he asked but I'd probably stop keeping ds from waking him up around noon in that scenario. Personally, I need about 9 hours of sleep. If someone isn't waking up on their own, they need to be sleeping (barring issues like depression). I'm not sure it's possible for a healthy person to sleep more than he needs. Being chronically under rested is associated with car accidents, of course, but it also increases your risk of Alzheimers, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.

[chezlyryan]

I chose a wake-up at 10am. Not a shake on the shoulder, but that is when 'quiet time' is over, or if dh agrees you can actively wake him up/have an alarm. Being the sole providor is hard if he is away or asleep all the time. Your rest is important too. Saying that, I have driven while exhausted and it is scary trying to focus but still not being able to while the trees and other cars are flying by.

[noobmom]

It really depends on how much sleep your DH needs. Mine would get up himself after sleeping 6 or 7 hours. He rarely sleeps longer than that. If it were me, I'd want to sleep more like 8-9 hours.

Are you getting a full night of sleep? At 18 months my DS still woke up all the time, so I wasn't getting a full night of sleep--so I wouldn't feel guilty about interrupting my DH's sleep if it might I could get a break. But if your LO is sleeping well and you're waking up rested (well, relatively ), then I would give your DH that luxury also. Does that make any sense?

As for your second question, DH and I didn't get much alone time around that age. DS pretty much stayed up until we went to sleep. We had to plan and hope for the best if we wanted some adult time.

[TXmom2]

I voted 11am for weekdays. I'd probably give him an extra hour or so on 1 of the weekend days.

I don't think it is unfair to expect him to be able to spend at least some time together as a family. Not to mention, you might like some time to shower or eat while he spends a little time with your child.
And yes, some adults do need encouragement to wake up and join the family. If I let him, my DH would sleep until 1 or 2 on the weekends.

For us, DH gets between 6-7 hours most weekdays. That is his choice though because he chooses to stay up until midnight and has to be up by 6 or 7. On weekends, he usually is in bed by 1 or 2 and sleeps in until 10 or 11.
I usually don't get to bed until 2-4am (baby is a nightowl) and have to get up at 7 to get the older kids off to school. The baby does usually sleep until 9 or 10am, so I can sometimes get an hour nap before she wakes up. That still means I only get 3-5 hours of sleep per night and sometimes can get an hour nap in the morning and a 1/2 hour - hour during the day if the baby cooperates. I am pretty sleep deprived

[superfastreader]

even though I WAHM, my DH earns the bulk of our income so that I can stay home with DD. his work is physically demanding and he keeps odd hours.

i would never wake him up unless we had already planned on him getting up at a certain time. he's a grown man who works hard for all 3 (soon 4) of us and deserves to sleep as much as his body requires.

if he were staying up all night playing video games or chatting in message boards then i'd feel differently. but he's working to keep all of us fed and warm and happy. he's earned it.

[waiting2bemommy]

I vote to let him sleep until noon.

My BF is a waiter and sometimes goes in to work at 4 PM but doesn't get home until 1:30 or 2. Then he needs to unwind a little, he always wants me to stay up for him (or wake up and chat and cuddle) and we usually go to sleep around 2:30 or 3. It's hard because the next morning I am invariably the one getting up with ds at 8ish, but then there are days when I have to get up and go to work at 9:30 so he HAS to get up or at least be semi-awake evne if he stays in bed, so that he can be available to ds. So on the days that I'm home the morning after a long night, I try to let him sleep in.

However there is a flip side to this....if I say I'm too tired to do xyz, he will do it. We both grumble at each other when the other one is being a "bum" but we work together. This past week he has cooked dinner 3 times when I was home and could have done it, done the laundry twice while I rested, and if I ask him to he will take ds out of the bedroom and occupy him for a few hours so I can take a nap.

My only complaint is on days like today, when he didn't have to work last night but stayed up late anyway, and then didn't want to get up at 1 PM when I had to leave for work.

[Honey693]

I'd probably let him sleep until noon during the week. On weekends one day he can get up with the kid and I can sleep until i wake up and the other day we can switch.

[Lucky Charm]

Except that I wouldn't really wake up my dh. He is a grown up and knows how to use an alarm clock.

I'm with Chicky.

I worked nights for many years, then went to a 1p-1a shift in the ER. Rarely got out of there at 0130. got into bed close to 3am. Would take the kids to school, then come home and go back to bed (and I also did crossing guard at the school, worked in the classroom Friday mornings, etc). Honestly, I am not sure how I did it.

But if my husband would wake me up i would be *LIVID*. Then again, my kids werent small, but even when my youngest was still nursing, i got to sleep. Period. Babe got pumped breast milk.

I am not saying your husband should spend all his time in bed resting/sleeping, and i dont think its unreasonable for you to want to spend time with him. But even with a baby who nursed constantly, its just not the same as working outside the home, weird crazy hours....you just do not rest the same. It can be incredibly difficult.

And I set my alarm clock, 4 hours at a minimum. My ex husband did not have to wake me, nor did i ask. I must say, he was quite sensitive to my getting enough rest. He would never wake me, and if i asked, he felt bad, so I always used and alarm clock.

And he always had a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me and would bring me a cup in bed

[cappuccinosmom]

I'd let him sleep as long as he needed to on weekdays, have a nice, extended family lunch with him, and then use the weekends to their fullest.

But even with a baby who nursed constantly, its just not the same as working outside the home, weird crazy hours....you just do not rest the same. It can be incredibly difficult.

ETA: I agree with this. It is very hard on the mind and body working hours like that. Dh did a factory swing-shift for a year. Killer. For the last 4 years he was doing a 4 am-1 pm shift, which meant getting up by 3.30 am at the latest. It was hard on me, but if I needed to I could always crash on the couch while the kids watched a video, or nap with them. Dh had to function all day to keep his job, drive home safely, and more often than not deal with dangerous equipment getting old, messed up houses liveable for rental. In a perfect world, he could do all that and spend loads of time with the family, but since it's not perfect, I tried not to begrudge him what sleep he could get.

[ElliesMomma]

unless there's something "wrong" that he's staying in bed longer than he should (ie., depression or something), i'd assume that if he's asleep, he needs the sleep.

when people are adequately rested, they wake up on their own.

[Llyra]

I voted 8 hours sleep, but that's not exactly what I mean. I wouldn't wake him up-- he's an adult and capable of waking himself when he needs to get up. What I would do is talk to him about your need to have some contact with him before he goes off to work, and your desire to have him spend some time with the family during the day, and then ask him to be sure that he wakes up early enough to have some time for you guys. Set an approximate time that you can expect him to be up by on most days. Then I'd expect him to do it on his own-- get up and spend some time with you guys by about 11 or 12 each day. I wouldn't wake him unless you had made some particular plan to do something special, or you were at the end of your rope and really needed help with something. If on a particular day, he slept longer than usual, I'd assume he needed it. But if he was consistently sleeping too late to spend any time at all with you guys, and you think he's maybe taking advantage or something like that, I'd confront him on it and explain my point of view.

I myself don't do well on less than 8 1/2 hours, so I think expecting him to get by on 5 or 6 hours is unreasonable.

[Abraisme]

Originally Posted by BaaBaa

I might add that he leaves for work at 2pm, which means that if i wake him when we get up, we have 6 hours together per day (the 3 of us, and no alone time).

so to add another question to this- how much time to you have with your DH/DW per day alone? how about with the kids?

We have a traditional schedule (8am-5pm). My DH usually comes home from work around 5pm and spends 30-60min alone winding down. Then he'll come in for dinner and play with the kids until 8:00pm when they go to bed. He'll often go spend another 20-30min alone after the kids are down and then come back in and hang out with me.

He probably spends 1-1.5 hours a day with the kids and about the same with me. Sometimes he has extra work to do (during the busy season), so my time gets cut short and he'll still play with the kids.

My best friend also has a DH that works swing shift and she's had a lot of problems with his sleep schedule.. He gets home around 1am and goes to sleep between 4-5am, then would like to wake up around 2pm to leave for work.. However, they've pretty much got it worked out where he gets up around noon and has about 2-3 hours with the family, but they still get very little alone time. It is a hard schedule to live with..

[kdtmom2be]

My DH works the same schedule, he leaves at 2pm, gets off at 2:15am and is home and in bed by about 3:30am, 4 days on, 4 days off. I generally try to keep the kids quiet until 10:30 or 11, depending on the day. If it is a day that I need him to be up with DS so DD and I can go out to an activity, then he's up at 10am so we can go out. Some days I let him sleep until 12 or 1pm but that's rare. It's nice when we can have SOME time together.

He needs his sleep but the family needs his participation once in a while too. I don't want a partner that just brings home the bacon so to speak, I want one that will share in the enjoyment of raising our children together. I didn't sign on for a solo mission and he knows it!

Also, since he ALAYS works this shift we have adjusted our sleep schedules a little bit. I go to bed around 12 and get up at 8:30-9 with DD (ideally) and DS gets up around 9-9:30am. DD and DS go to bed at 8:30pm. Lots of our friends put thier kids to bed at 6:30 or 7pm and their kids are up for the day at 7am, sometimes earlier. Getting up a little later means that I don't have to worry quite as much about keeping DD quiet and not for as long. By the time we are done breakfast and ready to do anything then it's time for DH to get up anyways. If we're going somewhere that he needs to attend with us then breakfast is made for him to either eat before we go or eat on the way. We also try to ignore his schedule for the most part and do what needs doing. I can understand how hard it is to do that though, we are still trying to find a rhythm. Between his rotating work schedule, his need to sleep later and DS's naps, some days it seems like we are just getting going at 3pm!

[maptome]

I let DH sleep as much as he wants on the weekdays and wake him up on the weekends after a reasonable amount of sleep. He's a grown up. He can decide how much to sleep and he'll tell me if he doesn't want to get up.

[Autumn C.]

So, intersting poll because my dh has a very similar schedule: leaves for work around 5 starts at 6 and gets home around three.

In theory, I would like to let him sleep as long as he likes.

However, two things keep me from doing this. He has sleep apnea and always FEELS tired. He has literally slept from one shift waking just in time to go to the other multiple times. So generally, I wake him when he's still asleep sometime after 12pm. He has "down time" for a couple of hours: leisurely shower, a meal, check the sports scores, etc. And I try to encourage a hour of him and the kids Doing something together. Then he takes a nap. Then there is another meal and he's getting ready and he goes.

He never begrudges me when I wake him. Usually, he feels a little sheepish that he slept so late. He often thanks me for encouraging the sleep he does get.

And yes, we know all about what causes sleep apnea, what the risks are and what to do about it. We have a machine that he doesn't use and currently won't consider switching shifts.