Hi there,
I'm 20 weeks pg. I had a failed homebirth with DS 2.5 years ago. 3 weeks overdue, FTP, went to the hospital, progressed, but DS would not drop no matter what. He was born 11lbs. There was suspected undiagnosed GD, but he, nor I, showed high glucose numbers after birth. Midwife was given a talking to from the OB, though, for letting baby get so big.
Anyway, after a ton of odd behavior and half told stories, finally was able to get MW on the phone last night (we were supposed to see each other in person, but she had a birth to attend) and she tells me she can't, in good faith, continue care with me. Apparently, she had a VBAC mama who just almost had a catastrophic rupture at home and one of my MW's consulting OBs was super pissed because he told her not to let this mama go so overdue. In addition, a year and a half ago, she almost lost her license over a VBAC where she lost the baby(I think the first babe she's ever lost)...again, perhaps undiagnosed GD and went overdue.
So...she admits a lot of it is her, but she is also still wary. She says that she wants to believe in VBACs, she wants to believe in the body doing what it should at the time it should, but, obviously, in light of a couple of bad expereinces, she's re-evaluating things.
This sucks
. Although she was never the perfect midwife, we had a good and honest relationship, she was the best we could find for us, and, well, she just knows our story so well already...I feel like she knew for a long time she wasn't going to be able to do this, but couldn't bring herself to say it, and that, more than anything is what I'm upset about. Here I am at 20 weeks, essentially providerless (she's promised to stick around for prenatals until I find someone new).
When I asked her what she would do, she said she would work her ass off for a VBAC at home and basically, tell her to f%^k off! She doesn't want me to lay down for a section. She said there is on OB she feels really good about and she already talked to him about me in case I decide to go that route and he said he'd take me on. She also mentioned a couple of other HB midwives in town who she feels like would take me on (one was under investigation a year ago for a breech gone really bad).
I have no idea what to do. The OB gets lots a great press...his partners are all super pro VBAC and natural birth, but regardless, I'd have to have the babe in a hospital which just mortifies me. i'd have to have EFM. The time after the c/s last time was awful. I was there for a week with an infection among other things. I also don't revel the thought of my care provider being a man. Just a personal thing.
I think I'm also just feeling so deflated. I was feeling super positive. Like I could do this, I had no doubt, and I woke up this morning just wanting it to find an OB and schedule a section(obviously not now).
So...I guess I'm looking for some sort of support, thoughts...My c/s was fine, besides DS being really big and hard to get out. My uterus is fine, my vitals are all normal and healthy. My sugars have been checked and I'm totally not GD. I'm eating pretty healthy, feeling much more in touch with this p/g. I've been pretty nauseous and tired, so the exercise hasn't been as much as I'd like. I am pretty darn overweight/obese.
No idea what to do. If you've gotten this far, at least, thanks for listening!
I'm 20 weeks pg. I had a failed homebirth with DS 2.5 years ago. 3 weeks overdue, FTP, went to the hospital, progressed, but DS would not drop no matter what. He was born 11lbs. There was suspected undiagnosed GD, but he, nor I, showed high glucose numbers after birth. Midwife was given a talking to from the OB, though, for letting baby get so big.
Anyway, after a ton of odd behavior and half told stories, finally was able to get MW on the phone last night (we were supposed to see each other in person, but she had a birth to attend) and she tells me she can't, in good faith, continue care with me. Apparently, she had a VBAC mama who just almost had a catastrophic rupture at home and one of my MW's consulting OBs was super pissed because he told her not to let this mama go so overdue. In addition, a year and a half ago, she almost lost her license over a VBAC where she lost the baby(I think the first babe she's ever lost)...again, perhaps undiagnosed GD and went overdue.
So...she admits a lot of it is her, but she is also still wary. She says that she wants to believe in VBACs, she wants to believe in the body doing what it should at the time it should, but, obviously, in light of a couple of bad expereinces, she's re-evaluating things.
This sucks
. Although she was never the perfect midwife, we had a good and honest relationship, she was the best we could find for us, and, well, she just knows our story so well already...I feel like she knew for a long time she wasn't going to be able to do this, but couldn't bring herself to say it, and that, more than anything is what I'm upset about. Here I am at 20 weeks, essentially providerless (she's promised to stick around for prenatals until I find someone new).When I asked her what she would do, she said she would work her ass off for a VBAC at home and basically, tell her to f%^k off! She doesn't want me to lay down for a section. She said there is on OB she feels really good about and she already talked to him about me in case I decide to go that route and he said he'd take me on. She also mentioned a couple of other HB midwives in town who she feels like would take me on (one was under investigation a year ago for a breech gone really bad).
I have no idea what to do. The OB gets lots a great press...his partners are all super pro VBAC and natural birth, but regardless, I'd have to have the babe in a hospital which just mortifies me. i'd have to have EFM. The time after the c/s last time was awful. I was there for a week with an infection among other things. I also don't revel the thought of my care provider being a man. Just a personal thing.
I think I'm also just feeling so deflated. I was feeling super positive. Like I could do this, I had no doubt, and I woke up this morning just wanting it to find an OB and schedule a section(obviously not now).
So...I guess I'm looking for some sort of support, thoughts...My c/s was fine, besides DS being really big and hard to get out. My uterus is fine, my vitals are all normal and healthy. My sugars have been checked and I'm totally not GD. I'm eating pretty healthy, feeling much more in touch with this p/g. I've been pretty nauseous and tired, so the exercise hasn't been as much as I'd like. I am pretty darn overweight/obese.
No idea what to do. If you've gotten this far, at least, thanks for listening!
. Yey!
. I like this story!
