Has anyone NOT told work yet?

[LZP]

(X-posted in Working/Student Parents)
For those of you who work outside the home, (or even those who WAH) have you told your boss or employer yet? And if not, do you know when you will tell? If you already had a baby, how long did you wait to tell your professors/employer?

I was thinking about holding off until I can't hide it anymore... but then I wonder if that's rude/unprofessional...

The background:
Since i'll be receiving company-provided STD ins, and using paid time off and FMLA time after that runs out, and I'll be using my personally funded but company guaranteed FSA for some of our expenses, I will return to work till the end of the year, but then intend to stay home full time. (not to mention the fully (company) paid really good medical insurance for the whole process) I feel guilty using up all the FSA before I've actually made all the contributions, and I feel bad using a whole year's worth of PTO without actually accruing the hours; so that's why I hoped to come back for a few weeks to finish out the year.

But, I know I'm the only one who can do my job here (right now at least). And I know that I might get some grief about leaving for 3 months during our "busy time." AND, my boss still treats me like I'm 16 or something, even though I'm far from it, so I think he could possibly be surprised. Also, I'm up for a raise in April, and I bet that it will be smaller if he knows I won't be here for 3 monts of this year...


Given the circumstances, what do you think? I dont want to burn any bridges, just in case something happens to DH's job and I need to come back to work... the benefits are good, even if the pay and environment arent that awesome.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

I always wait until I'm out of the first trimester. I did tell my boss a bit earlier this time due to the nature of my job (I'm a part-time lecturer at a university and the schedule goes out early). I figure that once I know the baby is sticking, it's the time to tell so that they have time to prepare.

[MacKinnon]

I will tell pretty soon, I'm 10 weeks tomorrow and it's my third, so I'm looking more and more pregnant. My one co-worker that knows looked at me on Monday and said, "You're going to have to tell pretty soon! It's obvious!" I have been assigned to a job that ends Sept 30, I'm due Sept 8. They won't be happy that I'm missing the last few weeks, when it will be crunch time. Also my entire company is reorganizing and there are some big dates in that coming up. It is certainly in my best interest to wait to announce. My direct supervisor won't care at all, but her boss is not understanding in the least, and she is the one that will impact me most. My boss didn't tell until 20+ weeks with both her pregnancies! She could hide it well though, I can't!

[somegirl99]

I told at 10 weeks, a bit earlier than I thought I would, because it was the beginning of the year and schedules were being planned out. I figured it would be easier on my boss and the rest of the team to let them know so we could take it into account.

[yvonyvj]

This is my first and I told my boss at 16 weeks. I sit down all day and I wasn't really showing (other than looking like I ate one too many hamburgers on my bloated days) so why bother.

If you aren't leaving early for appts or taking off due to illness, I see no need. IMHO, they only need to know super early if you're showing, taking time off, or in the bathroom half the day puking.

[AmyKT]

I waited until 15 wks with my first, but had to tell at 11 with this one because I was already huge.

April seems like a long way off, but if you can manage to hide it, I guess that's ok.

One thing I'd be worried about: do you think they'll be annoyed at you coming back only to use benefits, knowing very well that you're not going to stay for long? It may be unfair of them to be annoyed, since you did earn them for most of the year, but if the climate there is not incredibly friendly, maybe you ought to make the quitting part seem like something you decided after you came back. Especially if you want to keep options open for the future. However, if your position will require extensive training or hiring of someone else, I can see that you don't want to leave it totally last minute.

[Tizzy]

I'm edging up on 27weeks and still haven't told anyone. I haven't kept it a secret or anything, but I work remotely from home and don't spend much time with co-workers. Add in bulky winter clothes and it's not overly obvious.
I'm putting off talking to the HR manager because I haven't decided when I want to stop working or how long I'll take off. I took the full year last time but I don't think I want to do that again.

[neonalee]

I told at 10 weeks only because there is only 1 other person in my role and a ton of changes had just been made (translation: layoffs) and they were trying to plan how to handle next year. My boss/dept have been fair and good to me and I thought it would be fair to let them plan my absence into it from the beginning rather then rearrange everything a couple months later. Also, we are a mostly young-ish company and there have been many maternity leave/return to work moms in the 2 years I've been there, so it's not unusual.

That said, if I was in a different environment (not supportive, etc) I wouldn't tell until I had to. Most people know that things can happen and that's a pretty good reason for why you didn't say anything sooner. A close friend who is very wise to corporate ways has told me more then once not to say ANYTHING about the 'return to work'. She says do not agree to anything until the appointed time (which for me is about halfway through my 8 wk maternity leave) because you have no idea what could change in the meantime. When asked I just said yes, I plan to keep working.

[LZP]

Originally Posted by AmyKT

One thing I'd be worried about: do you think they'll be annoyed at you coming back only to use benefits, knowing very well that you're not going to stay for long? It may be unfair of them to be annoyed, since you did earn them for most of the year, but if the climate there is not incredibly friendly, maybe you ought to make the quitting part seem like something you decided after you came back. Especially if you want to keep options open for the future. However, if your position will require extensive training or hiring of someone else, I can see that you don't want to leave it totally last minute.

Yes, definitely I'll be saying that I "intend" to return to work. Because, really, I do intend to return, at least until December. And I wouldnt leave them high and dry, I might stay for a few more weeks if I need to train someone, or work from home until they get someone. But, thanks for reminding me to be "clear" about my intention to return- I could see them being annoyed too!

Originally Posted by neonalee

That said, if I was in a different environment (not supportive, etc) I wouldn't tell until I had to. Most people know that things can happen and that's a pretty good reason for why you didn't say anything sooner. A close friend who is very wise to corporate ways has told me more then once not to say ANYTHING about the 'return to work'. She says do not agree to anything until the appointed time (which for me is about halfway through my 8 wk maternity leave) because you have no idea what could change in the meantime. When asked I just said yes, I plan to keep working.

yes. this is basically my idea. I'm planning, when I finally tell my boss and HR, that I plan to come back, and hopefully, they will be willing to work with me in a modified schedule. (who knows, if they let me work from home several days a week, and work part time only, i might stay on anyhow...)

ETA: thanks to everyone for your thoughtful replies... maybe I'll tell if I can only get the anatomy scan for the middle of the day...

[umsami]

When I was pregnant with #1, I worked for a large pharma company that had a really nice maternity leave plan. You could take up to a year off (unpaid after you used up your 12 weeks FMLA and vacation)...and then come back. They also let you pay just your portion of the health insurance during that year--and as a pharma company, they paid a huge chunk. I didn't end up telling until I was in my second trimester. The only reason I did that was that I was given a promotion--and I wanted to be fully honest with my VP about my plans. I still got the promotion... and it wasn't a big deal. Even when I decided not to return, I was viewed as having left on good terms. I told my HR rep that I didn't think I'd return while I was on my FMLA...but she said... you have a full year... just wait. Which I think was great advice.

I think that because it was such a large company--it wasn't a big deal.

[LindsayK]

Telling work is tough. I remember I had a terrible nightmare about telling my boss the night before I actually told him. But really, it wasn't bad at all. You just need to go in with a positive attitude, a clear idea of what you are doing (whether or not you are totally decided) and be very can-do, yet realistic about your commitments. In essence, be your most positive assertive self!

Another thing to remember - your boss is aware of the fact that you are a young, presumably fertile, partnered woman. It shouldn't be a big shocker that you're pregnant. There's a reason why you have the benefits that you do, because babies are an (essential!) part of life.

As for leaving with good feelings behind, remember that its not just about possibly going back to this job in the future, its also about having good references if you ever want to go somewhere else. So do be careful about making sure that you are being as upfront and honest as is reasonable. If you're showing by April, its going to be hard to wait until after your review/raise. Or, if you get your raise, and go in the next week to tell them, your timing will be pretty transparent. Also, the ratio of men to women in th office is important... if its mostly guys, you could be in your third trimester before they get a clue! If its women, the rumor mill starts early, and you don't want your boss hearing through the rumor mill that you're pregnant.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!