2nd time now that my FIL hasn't said "congrats"

[Headmeister]

When we announced that we were pg with our DD to my IL's, we got a lukewarm response from everyone except his mother, who was excited (yet she already knew and was sworn to secrecy). My BIL and his wife barely made mention of it at all (they have a teen and a 20-something, both in college) but then again, I don't expect much from them based on issues his wife has with always needing to be the center of attention.

However his father barely uttered a word about it -and didn't even offer any congratulations to his own son. He wasn't negative about it at all, but you would have thought we just said "oh, I tried that new fast food joint in town and it was good". I made mention of it to my DH only because it upset me for him that his own father didn't really acknowledge it at all. He seemed mildly bothered but brushed it off as "that's just how he is".

Flash to this past Sunday when we spill the beans about the one that's on the way. We were hinting around to my IL's and my MIL just wasn't following.
My FIL didn't mention that he understood any or it but simply said, "she's not getting it". Finally my DH said we were expecting and she acted mildly excited but far less than the first time - it was really bizarre. I don't know if she was in disbelief or what, but it was slightly uncomfortable.

But my FIL! Again, he said NOTHING. All he said was "she's not getting it", even after we had to say "yes we're having a baby". He offered no congrats, no emotion of any kind whatsoever. Yet he is totally enamored with my DD, so I know it's not that he isn't happy about the idea. So this time after they left, I said to my DH "WTF is up with your father??? Can't he say SOMETHING?" Again he brushed it off. But this time, it pissed ME off.

I don't plan on mentioning it at all, but wow - how disappointing...

</vent>. Thanks for listening...

[RedOakMomma]

I have strange ILs, too...never quite sure how they'll react, but it's not often like "normal" people.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

And congrats on your adoption plans, too!

[ivymae]

I think there are some men, of a certain generation, who are really uncomfortable with the idea of pregnancy/birth/all that "women's work". I don't say this to excuse your FIL's rudeness (it IS rude to act like you don't have a reaction - imagine if someone told you they were moving to Europe, or lost their job - major life events deserve a reaction) but I've noticed it with a few family members. He may not feel like it's his place to comment on it at all, which is sad, but not something YOU can change, or should internalize. You are pregnant and you should be celebrated.

[Kuba'sMama]

My IL's are crazy about my kids, I know that. Yet they never really mention the pregnancy much, and didn't go nuts about the announcement either. I think in their case it's more of a superstition, they're afraid of "jinxing" it. They both come from old European families, where I guess a lot could've gone wrong during pregnancy and labour and babies were generally not discussed until they were actually there. I personally am ok with it, as talking about "womanly" issues with my FIL is not my idea of fun time, lol.
Come to think of it, my dad avoids the subject altogether.. it must be an older male thing.

[MaerynPearl]

my dad loves it... but he loves baby's (as is apparent by his 7 children...)

he was more excited than almost anyone else (save myself, my fiance and my mother)

DFs family are starting to kind of get into the idea of it now that Ive had an ultrasound, his mothers recently finally saying things to me about the baby... but as you said, his family has strong European ancestry... on both sides... they have only been in the US a couple of generations while my family goes back quite a number of generations on both sides (his I think is working on generation #4 for both sides of his family and mine have been around at least 8 generations)

[TaoLele]

My FIL is the same way. He's around age 60+ though, and I do agree that it's a generational thing. You're lucky that he at least likes your child. A lot of older men just don't know where they fit into a woman being pregnant, so they say nothing. It's not right, but my husband brushes me off when I complain about his father too. I've learned to accept my FIL's nature.

[Cheshire]

Congratulations!

As far as your FIL is concerned, or any other things dealing with your DH's family, do what I've learned to do and that is follow your DH's lead.

I used to spend way too much time getting upset over my MIL's blatant favoritism for my SIL over my DH. Finally a friend asked if my DH was upset about it. He wasn't really (he was used to it) and she said if he wasn't upset then I shouldn't get upset - he should be my barometer. When I would fume about it to him it put him in a weird spot and he would get upset. When we talked about it he explained that he got over it years ago, when he was younger, and didn't spend his time letting it bother him because he knew it would never change.

So, 20 years later I can say that was one piece of advice I'm so glad I took to heart. I only wasted a few years of our marriage on it. Now, when it comes to his family and how they treat him he will let me know if he is upset. They have a very different dynamic than my family and it was hard to get used to at first. Same thing applies to my family - DH follows my lead on when something is worth getting upset over.

It stinks that your FIL didn't say congrats but you can't control his response - don't let it upset you because no matter how upset you get it won't change him. And, your being upset might upset your DH more than you know - he probably hates it when it gets to you like this.

Just my $.02. I hope it's a new perspective for you to consider.

Best wishes!