My First Night away...starting to panic-need advice!

[myorianna]

My work is requiring me to fly overnight in a week. I have to work a full day, a 5 hour flight away. I've scheduled myself on a red-eye flight- leaving at 11pm and arriving at 5am so that I could reduce my time away...but even with this I would be leaving my 28mo old DD to spend a full night without me sleeping next to her and ready to cuddle/comfort/nurse when needed. Plus the full day and part of the next night too.

This seems ridiculous to my employers ("how old is your daughter?!") that I am worried leaving. But up until now, I have never left her for a night. We have a family bed but I have always been the one to put her to sleep, and get her through her 2-3 night wakings per night. Once I tried to go out to a b-day dinner with a friend and DH tried to put her to sleep...that resulted in 3 hours of crying until she passed out, sobbing in her sleep. I can't imagine how it will be for her to wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to reach for me...

I am super panicked! Any ideas on how to convey to her and ease this coming milestone? I have one week to prepare! Any thoughts are much appreciated.

[LadyCatherine185]

I would work on having your DH put her to sleep this week. Also, maybe explain to her before you go (with lots of extra cuddles, etc) that you will be gone for a short while but you will be back soon.

FWIW, we went on an overnight trip for our anniversary and DS (who is still nursing and wakes every hour all night) was 16 months old at the time, and he stayed with his grandparents who he LOVES, and he didn't even cry at bedtime, went right back to sleep with MIL, and didn't even miss us at all! Don't beat yourself up, you and your DD will be fine.

[lifeguard]

I would definitely be getting dh to get involved in bedtime & nighttime wakings this week as much as possible.

I am going away this weekend for the first time. We have fully acknowledged that it may very well be a rough weekend for dh & ds but there is lots of love there & it will be good for their relationship (plus it really will be very good for mommy).

[daisymama12]

It'll be ok!

My boys are big (6 and 8) and I still get nervous before leaving, & it has nothing do with with bedtimes - just being away. But once I'm out the door, my anxiety goes down enormously. So hope that helps with the "panic" aspect.

You've gotten good advice about preparing your DD, the only thing I would remind you to do is to express while you're gone. I doubt she's nursing that much, but anyhow, I would still express.

[katiesk]

it's going to be ok! i'm sure your dd will be a little sad that you're gone but she will have her dad, whom she knows and loves.

i started to leave dd at home with dp one night a week starting when she was about 18 months. (i had previously been bringing her to work with me at night) and i was so apprehensive! she did not even cry...and she wakes up much less when i'm gone than she does when i'm sleeping with her. and your dd is old enough that she will probably really understand and remember during the night that you are gone but you will be back soon.

it will be ok...i know you're nervous, but try to let go and let your dh take care of things.

[Honey693]

I haven't left DD completely overnight, but we left her for a wedding and we were gone most of the day and a good chunk of the night. I was freaking out she'd be losing her mind with no boob and just gramma to put her to bed. DH had very very rarely put her to bed and at this point she was still nursing to sleep and nursing every 2-3 hours at night. The little stinker was fine. Went to bed early, didn't wake up for 6 or 7 hours, went back to bed with just pats, and was an angel. Why she never does that for me i have no idea.

[Jend1002]

I completely understand that you are nervous and this is stressing you out! I agree with PPs - I bet your little one will be just fine. I think it's hardest on mom.

You may not feel ready for this at all, but I would recommend not rushing so much! You may be cutting it really close with a red eye but I totally get wanting to get home as fast as possible. The first time I had to go away for a night for work, I did the same thing. Once I got there and knew my son was doing great with dad, I wished I hadn't pushed my schedule so hard. It was really nice to have some alone time to recharge and I barely got to enjoy a minute.

Just my thoughts - it really is hard but you will both be fine!

[almadianna]

I have done it with my baby and I was a wreck but it was not that bad. My husband worked on getting it down before I left and I went on a "mother's night out" one night just to test to see if he could... if he couldnt I could always just drive home a few minutes. Can you try that?

[mysticmomma]

I think two things. One, at over two she is old enough to nightwean. If you had more time, I'd suggest doing that first. Two, you only have a week, so trying to "force" any transitions on her now would probably be more traumatic than you being gone for just one night. Can you pump some milk to leave for dad to give in a sippy cup at night? Can you leave your nightshirt for her to wear to bed? Or a tank top or something? Can dad plan something really fun and exhausting for that day so that she passes out in the car on the way home? Lastly, kids know everything, so try real hard to be confident that everything will be perfect. She's a mirror of you!

[myorianna]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I will definitely bring my pump along to express at least once every 6 hours...thats about as much as she nurses, around 4-5 times in 24 hours. And thats a good idea to leave some milk in a sippy cup for if/when she wakes up crying wanting to nurse.
I'm feeling a little better, but still nervous. I've moved her to be between me and DH at night (normally she is next to me and I am in the middle) so that he can give her back rubs this week instead of me- and so far one night it seemed to work just fine, then last night she scooched right up next to me and refused to have him comfort her. I've also asked him to be present when I am putting her to sleep so that she can see him too- she actually wanted him to hold her for part of the "falling asleep" time.

I wish I could feel better about not taking a red-eye and giving myself some time...maybe next time! I know she is old enough to understand and she will be fine... I'll post an update when I come back and let you know how it went!

[myorianna]

Oh, and as for nightweaning- I was waiting for her last 2-year molar to break through as she really suffers while teething and nursing helps her so much and it doesn't bother me at night at all...its a short 7min break at night and she unlatches herself and rolls over to fall asleep. I sometimes sleep through it. I guess if it was harder I would have probably tried to nightwean...