wwyd re: rescheduling birthday party

[transylvania_mom]

We planned ds's birthday party on the 27, already sent the invitations. The problem is we just found out ds has a guitar performance on the same day.

What do we do now?

Miss the performance (it would be ds's first!) or
Reschedule his birthday party, completely make a fool out of myself by calling the other parents whom I've never met (thankfully there are only 4 who got the invitations).

Help

[LuckyMommaToo]

I have to admit, I have no idea what a "play-in" is. So I guess it would depend on that -- how often do they come around, are others depending on him?

With only four kids, I would probably lean toward re-scheduling if the play-in is important to your DS and is relatively infrequent (if it's something that happens every weekend I def wouldn't reschedule).

I'd probably also try to email the kids' parents, though, and confirm a time that works before I send formal invites. With only four, you want them to be there!
-e

[transylvania_mom]

no one else is depending on him, but it's the only performance this year.

[waterproofmascara]

As the mom of a guitar player, I know how important performances are. I would call the other parents asap and let them know though.
Would it be possible to have the party on the same day, but just change the time?

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by waterproofmascara

As the mom of a guitar player, I know how important performances are. I would call the other parents asap and let them know though.
Would it be possible to have the party on the same day, but just change the time?

I was going to write exactly the same thing.

In our experience with music education, recitals are an important part of the process.

The 27th is far enough away that you can re-schedule, either the time or the date, without too much disruption for anyone. I think everyone will understand - life happens.

Happy birthday to your ds, and good luck with the performance!

[One_Girl]

I think you should ask him his preferences and go with them. I would hope that my dd didn't want anything rescheduled if it was us, but I would go with her wishes if she did.

[transylvania_mom]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I think you should ask him his preferences and go with them. I would hope that my dd didn't want anything rescheduled if it was us, but I would go with her wishes if she did.

why would you hope she didn't want it rescheduled? I'm just asking, because I wouldn't want to annoy the parents by rescheduling.

The performance is at 1 pm, I know that other children have activities in the morning, so it kind of takes the whole day (plus the one hour return trip to the place)...

[eepster]

I would view reschedualing an event you had invited people to for something that was for the hosts sole benefit as kind of rude. A good host puts their guest first.

Could your DS play a couple of songs at his party?

[cedoreilly]

Any chance you could have the party at the play-in? I would think it would be great for you DS to have a huge "cheering" section and then cake/ice cream back at the house afterwards.

[zeldamomma]

I voted that I'd reschedule the party.

I guess the "right" answer, manners-wise is to skip the performance, but I would put my son's feelings over the feelings of the invited parents-- if you'd invited my kid, I would completely understand your rescheduling.

I would move the party to a later date and apologize profusely, but also explain the situation.

[huggingmama]

Originally Posted by zeldamomma

I voted that I'd reschedule the party.

I guess the "right" answer, manners-wise is to skip the performance, but I would put my son's feelings over the feelings of the invited parents-- if you'd invited my kid, I would completely understand your rescheduling.

I would move the party to a later date and apologize profusely, but also explain the situation.

Yeah, that. Especially since it's only four other children.

[Irishmommy]

Well I assume you didn't choose the performance date, so I think it's fine to reschedule the party. It's still 2.5 weeks away.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

Well I assume you didn't choose the performance date, so I think it's fine to reschedule the party. It's still 2.5 weeks away.

This.

I consider the performance as a prior commitment.

If we're talking etiquette, I think it's an equal lapse in manners to beg out of a prior commitment to others, on the basis of a later booked social event like a birthday party.

A recital is usually part of the expectations of the music school. The students attend lessons through the term, and the recital is part of the program set out at the beginning. The recital is an important event for the music school community. The performance is important for each student, who has an opportunity to demonstrate the skills and learning they have gained, but also for the other students who have the opportunity to appreciate each other's skill and hard work and also experience a musical event.

It's unfortunate that there was some confusion about the dates and the double-booking, but I would first try to re-schedule the birthday party, rather than miss the recital altogether.

[transylvania_mom]

Thank you for all the replies, it helped me put things in perspective. So I rescheduled the birthday party, I talked to one mom who said no problem, one dad said they haven't even got the invitation (so good thing I called!), one boy won't be coming anyways so I still have one parent to talk to.
Everything went better than I expected, I think now that I have a more clear idea of how many people are coming, I'll invite two more kids.
You were right, it wasn't really proper etiquette, but I had to do this for my son. He's very excited about his lessons and I couldn't make him miss this opportunity.