Son wants to go to daddy's house all the time

[andi-mama]

At the beginning of January I moved out of my husband's house and brought my boys, 3 1/2 and 15 months, with me. My husband is a wonderful man and I do still love him, but our relationship has changed and we don't live together anymore. He is very involved in our kid's lives and sees them most days. On weekends, they both go over to his house early on Saturday, and DS1 stays the night while DS2 comes back to me and then goes over again on Sunday for the day.

My youngest son isn't really having any troubles adjusting- he's as happy and healthy as he's ever been. DS1, however, is a completely different kid. I know that this is a huge adjustment for him (my parents divorced when I was 5, so I feel his pain big time). He is whiney, argumentitive and cries/whines all day that he wants to go to daddy's house, he doesn't like our new house, etc. It breaks my heart to hear that, and that he is so confused

Does anyone have any tips for me? What can I say/do to help my son get through this?

[Marsupialmom]

Is dad living in the same home?

Have you made his room the same or totally new?

Did you buy new furniture or take the old?

At a month, I say ride it out with love. I bet if the tables were turn he would want to be with you more.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Sounds pretty normal. I moved right before Christmas while DS was at the inlaws over the holiday. I sort of transitioned gradually as much as I could--he visited the new place a few times, we talked about it. He had been using the comforter for his new bed at the other house for a few weeks before we moved. I left most of his furniture at the other house to make Daddy time familiar. And after the novelty of the first day, he spent a couple of weeks asking to go to HOME every night. Now it's been 6 weeks (only 6 weeks!?!?!) and he's doing really well. He still misses Daddy, but ne no longer cries for him for a few minutes each night. We talk on the phone or Skype every day with very few exceptions. And we usually find a way for them to hang out for at least a couple of hours every few days. But still, when he's tired, or frustrated with me, or whatever...he cries for Daddy. And when he's tired at Daddy's house on their Man-Weekends, he gets really upset to see me. We've talked about it and we're shortening up their visits -- from three nights to 2 nights. But I'm not going to swoop in and rescue him. STBX and I both think that would undermine things.

I guess, that's the long way of saying it's pretty normal. And your son is a few months older than mine so he's likely to be a bit more intense in his 3 yr old emotions. I guess just keep up regular contact and assure him that it's ok to miss Daddy. DS at the beginning liked it if I told little stories about missing Daddy and how that's ok. But yeah...it was hard during the first couple of weeks of transition!!! Now it's STBX's turn to go through it about me.

Also...he's going through these really tough emotions in a safe zone with you. He feels safe enough to express them with you in the only ways he knows how. That's a good thing!

[La Sombra]

Aw, mama, I feel your pain.

I think what PPs have said is right, "ride it out with love."

When I pick my dd up from her daycare the day her dad dropped her off, sometimes she cries and cries and cries for him. I can't help but feel hurt and embarrassed when she does this but I just hold her, rub her back and tell her that her daddy loves her very much and her mommy loves her very much and that she'll see her daddy soon again. It hurts me (perhaps immaturely) to hear her cry for him, and it hurts me to see her so sad and rent and confused.

But I just love her through it and so far so good. By the time we get home from the daycare those evenings she is already in much better spirits. And in general she's doing well, better all the time, it seems.

So give it time, make things comfortable and familiar to ds and give lots of love and patience (which I'm sure you already are!).

Hugs.

[dziwozony]

i am in a similar situation in that i moved out with my near 3yo & 13mo. my older son does say he doesn't like our new house & just wants to go to dada's sometimes. i think we need to keep in mind that they have moved out of the only home they had ever known. so part of what he's probably asking for is that you all move back into the house you were living in & be together & have everything be how it was before. it's probably not that he doesn't want to be with you!

are you able to have anyone watch your youngest so that you can spend some one-on-one time with your oldest? (or possibly arrange it this way with your X sometimes). for the past 2 1/2 months i have had 6 hours once a week with my oldest during an afternoon when his dad has the wee one & i think that's been helpful.

giving him the space to talk about it as much as he needs to is good...let him know it's okay to miss his dad & that he'll see him soon.

do you think that he could possibly do better with more time at his dads?