Explaining the hard stuff to a 5 year old

[arniflora]

Moderators - if this is better suited for a different forum, go ahead and move it. Thanks!

In the global picture, my son is a priveleged child. He is a white male living in the USA. He lives with his mother (me) and father in our very comfortable home, which we own on a few acres of land. He goes to school and has friends. He has food on the table, clothes for every season that fit him, more toys and books than he needs, etc. This is the only life he knows.

He sees (on tv, in movies), hears and reads (in books and stories) about people all over the world who look differently, live differently, etc. than him, yet, at this age it is really more "ideas" than facts or reality. Does that make sense?

We were listening to some music and the song Freedom Train came on. We've listened to it many times before, but he really heard it today and had lots of questions. (My son is 5). He asked about the lyric, "I'm a free man." and what that means. Trying to explain it to him, I realized how immensely complicated it is, and not the kind of answer that takes a few sentences and then you move on.

My question is this - Where to turn for resources to explain to a 5 year old about Freedom, Equality, Poverty, Privelege, Charity, etc. when all he knows is what he lives?

Reading a book, even watching a program on TV only sorta, kinda gives him an idea. (You close the book, turn off the TV and you are back to your own "reality")

The idea of giving is so painful and difficult for him even though he sees myself and his father (and others) give and share every day.

I'm at a loss as to how to deal with these incredibly important and complicated matters of humanity.

Thank you very much!

[waiting2bemommy]

It's great that you want him to recognize how others live. I would try taking him to volunteer with you at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Enroll him in a class or something in a neighborhood with a different socioeconomic level and let him make friends with kids whose lives do match up exactly with his. Having a personal attachment to someone with a different standard of living makes it a lot more real.

I raelly think it's awesome that you are raising him with that goal in mind!

[ollyoxenfree]

Well - I'd start with finding economic diversity in your local community, if it exists. I think my dc have been privileged to attend schools and activities with children from a wide range of income levels. They learned firsthand that wealth and character/values are not necessarily proportional. They've learned empathy for children who don't have as many material goods, but also appreciation for the things those children (often immigrants) have - rich family histories, interesting life stories, ability to speak different languages, great work ethic...

My dc have lived in cities where it's impossible to ignore the issues of homelessness and poverty. It's an interesting discussion on the way to the Children's Museum to explain why someone is sleeping on the street.

There are a few things you can do as a role model - participate in charitable events - clothing and food drives/soup kitchens/fundraising etc., attend political rallies for causes that can assist people suffering from income disparity - health care, day care, etc. (if they are causes you believe in), and just treating the homeless with dignity when you pass them on the street is important.

I understand your concerns and focus on poverty, civil rights and political freedoms but if you nurture empathy and compassion in a general sense, I think a child will develop the sensitivity you seek on these specific issues. So help them to learn to treat everyone with respect and consideration and generosity, and it's likely they will develop an ability to deal with these particular concerns. Sharing their toys with other children, taking turns on the playground equipment, acting generously with others, listening to other people's concerns, thinking about how another person might view a situation...these are all basic skills that are necessary for developing a higher, more abstract social awareness about things like poverty and civil rights.

[beanma]

I think some of it comes with age. My dd2 (6) doesn't have a very good handle on it right now although she does want to help, but my dd1 (9) is really starting to understand. They've been studying civil rights in her class at school and she's been energized by some of that. She's made up flyers for organizing kids at school in fundraising for Haiti (all her own idea) and is having her birthday party at a local animal shelter and taking donations in lieu of presents. My dd2 isn't really quite there yet, though she's trying to follow in big sis's footsteps 'cause that's what lil sisses do to some extent. Anyway, dd1 was not particularly charitable when she was 5! Both the kids were intrigued by MLK day and the very idea that someone could be mean to someone else because of their skin color much less the idea that there could be laws about it (whites only water fountains, etc).

Poverty is very similar. Your children's librarian should have some age appropriate resources for you to get started.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

This question haunts me. We live a similar life...lovely home in the middle of beautiful woods, good food, only nice people around...mama and dada here and happy together...no fear, war, poverty. Happy singing voices and smiling faces. Everything they touch is clean, everything they eat is tasty and good for them. It pains me that we live so well when others live with so much lack.

My great fear, is not that my kiddos won't learn to recognize that they are lucky to live the way they do...our lifestyle and the circle of people we travel in is such that, well, they just won't. Mama, if you are modeling responsible, mindful living and you surround yourself with people of high mind, who "get it"...at some point he will come to understand.

My fear is that I will fill them with a sense of guilt. I don't want to bring all of this up or try to explain it before they are old enough to properly process the information. I feel it so often, the guilt...that it's not fair that I have so much and can give so much to my own younglings and that for so many mamas out there, even the basics...food, protection, etc are just impossible on a day to day basis. I don't want my kids feeling poorly about themselves because they have so much. I want their relative wealth to make them feel empowered to do good for other people.

So maybe that's how you can start out....by gearing some of your family activities toward involvement in causes which support those with less. Dogs, children, families, wounded people, homeless...there are so many people who need help... through his sense of pride and the fun he discovers in helping others, perhaps you can help him to develop not only a sense that there are people with less, but a sense that as a person with more, it is his duty to invest in SOME way in the lives of those who have nothing, only for the fact that they were born somewhere else and he was born here.

That is all I want for my kids....I want them to feel wealthy...because they ARE. We're only middle class folk here...but we're just obscenely wealthy as compared to many many people in the world. But again...we walk a fine line between being aware of the great disparities and feeling empowered to do something to help...and constant guilt. I feel guilt. I don't want my kids to feel that way.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by beanma

I think some of it comes with age. My dd2 (6) doesn't have a very good handle on it right now although she does want to help, but my dd1 (9) is really starting to understand. They've been studying civil rights in her class at school and she's been energized by some of that. She's made up flyers for organizing kids at school in fundraising for Haiti (all her own idea) and is having her birthday party at a local animal shelter and taking donations in lieu of presents. My dd2 isn't really quite there yet, though she's trying to follow in big sis's footsteps 'cause that's what lil sisses do to some extent. Anyway, dd1 was not particularly charitable when she was 5! Both the kids were intrigued by MLK day and the very idea that someone could be mean to someone else because of their skin color much less the idea that there could be laws about it (whites only water fountains, etc).

Poverty is very similar. Your children's librarian should have some age appropriate resources for you to get started.

Your nine year old is making my heart sing.

[lmk1]

My ds is only 2, but what I've always planned to do (even before having kids) is travelling with them. And that doesn't mean to all-inclusive resorts, etc. I backpacked through South East Asia for 9 months, and I met several families there travelling with small kids (even biking through there). I personally think that is the best option (if it is an option for you personally)...there is no better way to see the myriad ways of living, and that poverty doesn't necessarily mean not owning a TV.

[arniflora]

Thanks so much for your replies! It helps to know that, at this point, I am on the right track!

I forgot to mention the teeny weeny detail that I grew up right outside NYC where diversity is the norm. That is where I spend the vast majority of my formative years and saw, felt and responded to all of these different ways. Here in rural New England it is very, well, white. To be honest, for the purposes of my original post, that is most likely my biggest (and one of very few) drawbacks of living here. I agree that as he gets older he will understand more and form his own opinions and ask more specific questions, etc., and we will be able to go places and see, first hand, different ways of living. At the moment, finances are our main reason for staying put, but it is something to plan for the future.

Well, thank you again for your ideas and support. I knew this was the right place to ask about this!

[lmk1]

Originally Posted by arniflora

I forgot to mention the teeny weeny detail that I grew up right outside NYC where diversity is the norm. That is where I spend the vast majority of my formative years and saw, felt and responded to all of these different ways. Here in rural New England it is very, well, white. To be honest, for the purposes of my original post, that is most likely my biggest (and one of very few) drawbacks of living here.

This is exactly what I always tell my dh about the benefits of living in NYC, but he's such a small town boy, he says that NY makes him feel claustrophobic.

[beanma]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma

Your nine year old is making my heart sing.

Awwww...thanks! She makes my heart sing, too!

[annettemarie]

I'm going to go ahead and move this to The Childhood Years since it's about a specific age and stage.