Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185
I think the OP's sadness is directed towards mothers who don't try, or have any intention of trying. At least, that is what I got from the post. I know many people IRL and from this board who couldn't nurse for various reasons, and I have no judgement of them at all. But I also know people IRL who never even wanted to try, and yes, that does make me sad.
This. That's how I understood the OP. A few years ago I held very strong views regarding breastfeeding. I still do, but overtime I've grown apathetic about others' reasons for not breastfeeding at all -- choosing not to from the start.
I've dealt with my share of problems. I'm thankful I had my mom's support after having DD1. I had the typical case of bad latch that resolved after the first week. With DD2, it was much more of a challenge. I dealt with persistent thrush for 10 weeks and that led to even worse PPD.
I expected things to go smoothly from the start this time. Not so. DS had a bad latch due to his tongue tie. I *thought* it was just us trying to work out the kinks -- latch problems. He lost more than 10% of his birth weight and continued to lose weight. I had never had a baby with jaundice. It seemed to take forever for it to clear, all because he wasn't getting much from me and my supply took a hit. I EP and supplemented with formula until he got his TT clipped at 11 days old. I immediately put him back to the breast with the hopes things would get better. I still couldn't see a difference in his size after a week. I ordered a baby scale to monitor his weight. I just knew the moment I put him on the scale it was going to show he lost weight. He did. He was 4 ounces down from where he was two weeks prior. He was declared FTT. Wasn't anywhere near his birth weight at 3 weeks. I felt horrible and defeated. I went back to EPing with a hospital grade pump and took herbs to help build my supply.
When I started out pumping I liked it because it allowed me to see how much he was getting. It was good knowing I was making/giving him enough. He gained 3 lbs in three weeks! It felt good to know he was picking up weight. But it also became taxing with two young kids and an infant that usually wanted to eat when I had to pump. I hated getting up at 2, 3, 4am to pump. I hated staying up 'til 11-12pm so I could pump (pumped every 3-4 hours). I kept at it because I liked the reward, seeing him thrive and chunk up.
We discovered he had a posterior TT when I saw the LC I rented the pump from. The only ENT practice in my area that clips them doesn't take my insurance. It was going to cost $934 for the procedure. That's a whole heck of a lot. I continued to pump until we figured out the next step. I had considered not reintroducing the breast. I figured that since my supply was up and I was getting accustomed to pumping I could just stick with it. I convinced myself it was the only way I'd know he's getting what he needs. I was scared and anxious at the thought of returning him to the breast. Scared that for some reason it wouldn't work out and he'd end up falling behind again. I had even allowed myself to be 'okay' with formula should I have problems keeping my supply up. At the time I didn't have a problem supplementing with formula because I wasn't producing enough, but deep down I didn't like it. I felt uncomfortable buying bottles and formula. I even thought to myself out in public whether anyone was wondering if his bottle of bm was formula. It doesn't really look like it to me. In my head I was saying, "I'm not one of them
." (formula feeder) It's sort of like an us vs. them deal.
Thankfully, we were able to get DS seen by one of the ENTs. The LC I've been using talked to the doc and told him about our situation and agreed to do it at a very, very discounted price. He returned to the breast as of Wednesday and I'm still wondering if everything is okay. Hoping he's gaining weight appropriately. Monitoring his diaper output like crazy, asking myself how wet is wet
. I dread putting him on the scale. Things I didn't have to worry about with my others.