Struggling Lately

[hadleys_mom]

I don't know what is going on with me lately but I am unable to shake this feeling of doom and gloom about my dd. She's 6. She was a 23 week preemie. As a result she is legally blind and has SPD. I've always had a pretty positive outlook on her life since I was aware from the beginning that it was just a miracle that she came home from the hospital. I accepted the loss of her vision and was thankful for the little remaining vision she has. She's always been quirky and for a long time I knew that another diagnosis would sooner or later be made because some of her behavior just wasn't "normal". The SPD diagnosis laid that to rest. She's always been an easy, happy, laid back child. Rarely sick. And as long as I didn't try to think too far into the future, I handled everything well. I felt I knew my DD well and nothing had really been a surprise. But in early January we had what the doctor is calling "an episode". We found her in her bed unresponsive in a pool of vomit. No one has been able to tell me what happened. They suspect that it was either a seizure (no history of) or she aspirated on her vomit. (We have a neuro eval next tuesday to hopefully shed some more light) Since that "episode" her behavior went off the deep end. She was completely not herself. It was hard to watch this once happy child be completely miserable. Fortunately, over the last 3 weeks she has settled back into her normal self. But I can't shake it. I don't know if I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the shock of finding her unresponsive in her bed or the aftermath with her behavior and feeling completely helpless and incompetent as a mother. Lately I find myself in tears anytime I think about her and all that she has to struggle with. Its like since being in the hospital, I don't feel confident that I know my child.

i guess I just want to know if other have gone through a unexpected medical bump in the road and how it effected them. Did it take a long time to get over?

[karne]

I'm so sorry. What you're describing sounds incredibly traumatizing, and sometimes new trauma or losses can re-activate some of the older losses we've experienced. The feelings are all there again, and I know for me, it can be really overwhelming. I hope that you are gentle with your expectaions of yourself. What you've experienced is truly beyond frightening. Sometimes I think that as moms we go about shouldering so many of the issues our kids and families face, sort of just marching along. Then something happens and we can't just march along in the same way.

Do you have good support? A therapist or counselor for yourself if you feel you need it to process all that you're going through? Take good care of yourself.

[gsmom]

I don't have any great advice. Our medical story is full of unexpecteds and we are just used to them. I am sorry that you are struggling. I know I should have more advice, but don't. Just wanted to send many hugs your way.

[HarperRose]

Oh, mama. I have no experience w/ seizures. I'm so sorry. I hope you can find answers SOON.

[Lindsay1234]

I dont have any advise but just hugs to offer.