Not cut out for homeschooling?

[mama2annabelle]

I need decide if my emotional instability is too detrimental to my ability to homeschool. We have 4 children: 7, 5, 3 and 1. We always planned on hsing, but put our oldest in school last year when she was 6 due to my severe depression and pregnancy difficulties and I just couldn't deal with her and her difficult personality on a daily basis. We are now hsing again but I, again, am in a really really bad depression for the last month or so (brought on my a miscarriage, I think, I had just after Christmas) and am struggling to get through the day in one piece. My mom has moved in with us on a temporary basis to help out since I am not functioning well at all.

I am getting help and I know I will be better soon, but am a seriously questioning our conviction on homeschooling. One one hand, sending them to school is NOT an option. There are so many reasons I believe in homeschooling and want that for my family. On the other hand, I worry that my ups and downs are going to affect my children. Not to mention we haven't been doing any school work at all and they are spending their days watching dvd's. I plan to school year round, so I know we will catch up on school work so I'm not too worried about that.

I just need to decide if it's time to throw in the towel and let them go to school. I hate the thought of that more than anything! But DH is losing all confidence in me to handle it and I am losing trust in myself to stay stable and sane.

I guess I am just wondering if other homeschooling moms struggle in ways that make them second guess themselves? I always imagined that I would LOVE having all my kids home and that we would be so active and productive. I had so many dreams and plans for what we would do and places we would go for field trips and such. Reality is they are watching cartoons and fighting with eachother all day.

[lach]

Even if you send them to school now, there is nothing to keep you from pulling them out at a later date.

Martyring your health and happiness and potentially your children's happiness and education to your pre-children ideals isn't going to solve anything. You can't take care of your family if you don't take care of yourself. When you're on an airplane, there's a reason they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, and then put them on your children. (I totally lifted that from some other poster on another thread I read a while ago, but I think it's so true).

[skueppers]

You have very young children. Babies and toddlers are very demanding and take a lot of time and energy. Your older children aren't yet old enough to be as helpful with household management and with your younger children as they will be as they get older.

It's reasonable for you to be having trouble with this situation, even if you weren't also depressed. I only have two children, and it's only been recently, as my younger child has been 3 or close to 3, that I've felt as though I had time to do anything beyond the bare necessities.

I guess what I'm saying is, this situation is likely to get better. If your family is complete now, then the youngest child will get older and you'll be able to do more of the things you imagined. If your family is still growing, then your older children will keep getting older and will be able to help out more. Either way, a couple of years from now this is all going to look different.

[floiejo2]

I am totally wondering the same thing myself. I just started homeschooling my 5.5 yr old a month ago. While I am still completely overwhelmed with figuring it all out, I'm also wondering if I'm cut out for this. As you said, I do NOT want to do public school for so many reasons, I also pictured it being great having my kids with me all day every day, but every day is a battle! My dd went to preschool for a couple years before we pulled her out and she asks every day to go back. That makes me feel horrible. I know she misses playing with her friends but that's about all it was. She was not being challenged at all, and yes it is only preschool, but she was getting bored and saying daily that she didn't like it and wanted to be home with me. I haven't gotten her together with as many friends as I'd like to yet because we live in a very small town and there isn't much for homeschooling groups out here. We don't have a very large budget to travel far often either.

We've gone from starting out gung ho and sitting down and doing lots of work the first few weeks to more of an unschooling route. We still do things daily but a lot of it right now is on the very creative side and science minded. I'm stuck between doing what I really believe, which is not much "schooling" until 8 or 9 and worrying about keeping her where she "belongs" in case we decide to send her to school.

The other hard thing is trying to figure out what to do with dd2 who is 2.5. She is involved with everything we do but has no interest in a lot of it. So I try to set her up with her own activity and that just causes jealousy and distraction. I'm also having a hard time spending quality time with just her, I feel like she gets the short end of the stick cause I'm so invested in what dd1 and I are doing. Our time used to be the 3 hours that dd1 was at school. Now she doesn't really get any one on one time with me and we don't do 2 yr old things much.

I'm also worried about offering her enough opportunity, especially in our rural area. I don't have enough knowledge to offer everything and am getting overwhelmed trying to figure out how to.

I'm hoping it's just our adjustment stage since we're just starting and that we'll figure it all out. I so badly want this to work out.

I'm sorry, not trying to steal your post, it's just that I get it, I understand how you're feeling. It's hard, I will be very curious to see what others have to say.

[simplify4balance]

I feel ya mamma! I am excited about the idea of HSing... but sometimes I wonder if it can work for our family. I struggle with frustration and anger when it comes to the kids and the house and all the many responsibilities I have. My kids are almost 5, almost 3 and 8 months. So it is coming to the point where we need to decide about sending dd or not. I feel strongly that HS will be a better option for her... as long as it doesn't turn into me being pi$$ed off all the time and her fighting with her sister and me drowning in laundry
Well, since she doesn't technically start 'school' until Sept. I am using this time to prepare:
1. I am seeing a therapist for my anger.
2. I am taking primrose, vit. D, Vit. B and fish oil to help with some of the mood issues I have been having.
3. I am getting the 'technical' bits of my home under control (dishes, dusting laundry and vacuuming) using the fly lady website. I am trying to build routines that keep the home maintained so I can focus on enjoying my time with the kids...
4. I am using a waldorf method of teaching (Little acorn) and one of the best things about that method is that it starts with a lot of self work for the mother. There is prayer and meditation built into the day (for me!) and during the pre and kindergarten years it is all about rhythm, repetition and reverence. I feel like fostering a calmer rhythm in our home will help us all.

It sounds like You have to focus on You for a bit. If you need to put a kid in school until you can get yourself to a place that you feel good about... well jeez that doesn't sound so bad!
If your mom is willing to help out then ask her to watch your kids while you go to a therapist or a mother support group (is there a MOPS in your area?) or even to the library to read about self healing...
It is certainly is the more difficult choice to HS... even for a stable mamma.
HSing is only good if it's good.... forcing it won't work for any of you.
Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. Good luck. You are not alone!

[neveryoumindthere]

First of all *hugs*

I'm homeschooling 3 and another on the way.
The biggest thing for me is getting a break from them all and having at least one project of my OWN.

Can you get a mother's helper (cheaper than a babysitter) so that you can nap, read, knit, watch some shows, work on your big life passion project or finding out what that is, etc

Even one hour was good for me, 2 was even better. You'd be amazed how you can come back feeling refreshed.

I'm ALL for homeschooling, but I don't think homeschooling has to be or should be done in isolation with no breaks for everyone. I can tell when my kids and I need space from each other and I do whatever to make sure we get that or else I end up resenting it all (btdt)

HTH!

Another suggestion. Are there certain aspects of mothering that you really enjoy/dislike??

For me, I *love* the nurturing part, like if they get hurt, giving them a hug, talking about their feelings etc. But I *hate* artsy/crafty stuff (with kids, I like it for me) and I don't like playing pretend much, and so I asked my babysitter who loves art/playing to do that stuff with them.

Maybe start delegating the tasks that don't appeal to you, recharge, and then do the things that you really love.

*hugs* again. I was depressed most of my 'mothering' career, the past year or so, I've done pretty well and continue to build in little breaks even if it's having a friend drop off her child to play with mine and keep them all occupied or dropping them off at my inlaws while I head to the bookstore. Space, for me, does wonders!