is sleep training necessary? - Page 2

[dachshund mom]

Originally Posted by SusanaLaLoca

But. Here I am, holding my babe as I type with one hand because I nursed him to sleep. Not counting these days though (he's in teething pain so he gets whatever will make him feel better), but if I continue down this path of soothing him to sleep, when could I expect to see a time when he'll no longer require my assistance?

I posted the same question when DD was little, about creating bad habits by nursing to sleep. Even the no-cry sleep experts say you'll regret it later. I was told on here to do what works now, and change it if it stops working for you. 11mo DD is asleep on my lap right now after nursing to sleep, and I've realized I couldn't be happier with that.

As they get older, you can get things done while the babe plays at your feet, so chilling out on the computer with a sleeping 1yo on your lap is nice down time. I had planned to night wean at a year, but it turns out nursing 2-3 times a night is actually not bothering me in the slightest (we co-sleep). It seems getting up to sooth her when teething or calm her when she wakes to play at 2am would be way harder with out the sleep inducing nursing.

[pumpkinhead]

For some children, yes, I think it is necessary.

However, sleep training is not always making a child CIO or even cry at all. I started trying to modify my children's sleep behaviour at around 6 months. They still co-slept and nursed like little fiends. Sleep training doesn't mean forcing miserable infants to sleep alone and cry.

[pumpkinhead]

Originally Posted by Hannah32

In answer to what's wrong with wanting your baby to sleep....we'll I'd say that sleep deprivation is one of the oldest, simplest and most effective forms of torture that there is. Lack of sleep can induce psychosis. That's a scientific fact.

So I completely understand where people are coming from when they try and get a sleep schedule going. I think CIO is too much and I don't plan to do it. But I'm not going to be able to earn a paycheck and not sleep at night. It just can't happen. My family will have to walk a middle road, with me and hubby switching off etc. I'll figure out the rest when I get there.

It's one thing if a parent can stay home and nap on the baby's schedule. That really does make a lot of sense. But it's not the society we live in in the US. Hence, the American obsession with STTN.

I agree.

Depression is exacerbated by lack of sleep. Sometimes, drastic situations call for drastic measures, but I don't mean letting an infant scream for hours.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by SusanaLaLoca

Please tell me it's not.

I have everyone around me telling me I have to teach my 4-month old DS to self-soothe. He's not a terrible sleeper, but it could be better. I have to walk/rock him to sleep, and he doesnt always stay asleep (especially for naps). He was sleeping for 6-8 hour stretches until his teething got bad a few days ago and now he wakes at night every 2-3 hours. He does sleep in his crib though, except when I bring him to bed with me after his 6am feeding when DH has already left for work, or when he's fallen asleep on me for a nap, and I decide to just stay that way and take a nap too.

Now, I just don't like the idea. I feel it's unnatural. But, what is natural? I can't seem to find an answer when everyone tells me they let their child CIO in some shape or form. That they had to "train" them. But come on... if a baby was never "trained", we'd have some reeeeallly sleep-deprived zombies walking the earth, right?! I just cant accept that a human being does not know how to instinctively sleep. I've never heard a dog have their puppies CIO.

But. Here I am, holding my babe as I type with one hand because I nursed him to sleep. Not counting these days though (he's in teething pain so he gets whatever will make him feel better), but if I continue down this path of soothing him to sleep, when could I expect to see a time when he'll no longer require my assistance? I want him to just shut his eyes and fall asleep like normal people do! It's not too big a deal right now as I'm not working, but it will become more necessary when I do go back to work (which could be 6 weeks or 6 months from now, I have no idea). It'll also get harder as he gets heavier... I'm already getting back pains carrying around his chunky 16lb butt! lol

Well, I think a four month old is a bit too young to expect to sleep like an adult. He will go through phases in the next year or so where he will sleep well and sleep poorly, probably (depending on what is going on at the time).

And that is NORMAL. What is ABNORMAL is trying to force a baby to deal with abandonment that they do not have the resources to understand (CIO). A baby of that age does not know that you are trying to teach them to sleep for their own good-- all they know is that they are alone and scared and wondering where their mother is, and don't know if she is coming back. CIO can be harmful psychologically to a baby.

You can do gentler things that will not harm the baby and still get him into a better sleep rhythm, such as starting a bedtime routine (bath followed by PJs followed by book reading, then dim lights while rocking in the chair until asleep, for example) so that he starts to recognize cues of "oh, this is when we go to sleep". It will not happen overnight, though, and that's okay and that's normal.

[slimkins]

Well, I am new at this, as this is my first, and he is only 6 months old. I have found that just because a baby can self soothe doesn't mean that they will always put themselves back to sleep. My son falls asleep on his own for naps and for bed. Sometimes he coos for a minute and sometimes for 10-15 mins. Every once in a while he might fuss for a second of two, but that is it. He also sleeps in a crib right next to our bed. Up until a couple of weeks ago, if he would wake up in the middle of the night and wasn't hungry, he would usually go right back to sleep. Well, that is long gone. Lately, he wakes up every hour to two hours and cries immediately and will not put himself back to sleep. I am now resorting to letting him sleep with us again (after he wakes up the for first time at night), because it seems to be the only thing that comforts him. Since I know that he CAN put himself to sleep, this leads me to believe that his waking in the middle of the night is because he is hungry, in pain (teething or growing) or just needs me. So, even if you did try to teach your baby how to fall asleep on it's own, doesn't mean that he will do it all the time or STTN for that matter.

[wombato]

Slimkins, the same thing happened with my son, my first! "But you put yourself back to sleep a few months ago, and you used to wake me 2 times a night for a breast, and now it's 5 and you cry immediately!" Right now he's not having the crying immediately thing anymore. There was a lot of teething going on, and who knows what else, but now that has calmed down. I think he's back to 3 wakings. For now. At 9 months. And who knows what tomorrow will be.

I'm cutting dairy out for a couple of weeks and am keeping a food/behavior/sleep log, but it looks like the dairy has nothing to do with the number of wakings so far. I think his own physiological changes and maybe getting more sunlight and fresh air in the morning will do more for him than the dairy elimination. But he did get some eczema for a couple of days, probably from a little lemon water and a little tomato.

Anyway, to address the original question, I don't think sleep training is "necessary." I think there are gentle things you can do to encourage sleep, or train, or whatever - I've been using NCSS and other suggestions. It's very sweet to see my baby realize what's coming when we go through his sleep routine, enjoy his stories, enjoy his bath. And I'm not ready to give up cosleeping with my sweetie!

[hijadelrey3]

Originally Posted by SeekingJoy

There are some great articles about the 4-month sleep regression, which is especially common in breastfed babies. (Essentially, they are more alert, realize there is a whole world out there to check out, nurse less often or throughly during the day and then try to make up for it at night -- among a host of other developmental milestones going on.)

This describes my five month old DD exactly! It is so good to have this information. As for sleep training I would say nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep, etc IS sleep training. You are training your child to know that sleep not a scary alone kind of thing.

When I was expecting my LO I was informed by several sources that my baby should be fed on a schedule and should be STTN somewhere between 6-12 weeks. Thankfully (as I look back now) my DD had some eating issues. It took us three weeks of constant crying to figure it out but a wise mother in my church put me in contact with a lactation consultant that helped get my thinking straightened out. (Also my search for answers led me to this board) So we don't have a schedule and she isn't STTN but we as a family are so much closer. I have no doubt we are doing what is right for her.

[bandgeek]

If it was necessary, the human race wouldn't have survived because the majority of children would have been eaten by predators while left alone and making that much noise.