It's been a long journey with my dad. He's fit and healthy and very much alive, but has pretty much ended his relationship with me. I was always his pride and joy, and we were very close when I was a child. Teenage and young adult years were marred by a very horrible divorce with my mom, and he did a lot of mean things. But we got through it, mainly by me just letting it go and forgiving him. He's never apologized once for the things he has said or done. When ds1 was born, my dad was so excited, and they were very close. We all spent quite a bit of time together, even though it was often hard for me because my dad can be very trying.
Then he moved to another country. He decided he didn't want to work anymore, and the only way he could support himself in what he considered to be an acceptable lifestyle was to move to Costa Rica. He's been gone 3 years now. We've seen him for a total of about 3 days since he left. He's come back twice, but we had a horrible (and ridiculous, if you ask me) falling out the first time, and he never made time to see us again when he was here.
We've corresponded off and on by email, and he's said he'll never return here. But he hasn't responded to an email in over 3 months. He responded to one of ds1's emails, and my sister has talked with him, but he hasn't responded to me. My kids ask all the time to see him. I don't know what to do. Do I work on planning a trip to take them to see him? The kids talk all the time about when they are going to see him and his "farm." I am starting to think I need to break the news that we will not be going there, and may never see him again, but it just makes my heart break to think that this may be a possibility.
I have no idea how to handle this. I can't believe my own father would write me out of his life over a disagreement about Disneyland (the original falling out), but here we are. And even though I'm having a hard time dealing with my own grief, I could kind of handle that. Conflict with my dad was almost inevitable, and his pattern is to cut people out of his life when conflict arises. But now my kids are involved, and that is where I am so confused. I am so so sad.
Then he moved to another country. He decided he didn't want to work anymore, and the only way he could support himself in what he considered to be an acceptable lifestyle was to move to Costa Rica. He's been gone 3 years now. We've seen him for a total of about 3 days since he left. He's come back twice, but we had a horrible (and ridiculous, if you ask me) falling out the first time, and he never made time to see us again when he was here.
We've corresponded off and on by email, and he's said he'll never return here. But he hasn't responded to an email in over 3 months. He responded to one of ds1's emails, and my sister has talked with him, but he hasn't responded to me. My kids ask all the time to see him. I don't know what to do. Do I work on planning a trip to take them to see him? The kids talk all the time about when they are going to see him and his "farm." I am starting to think I need to break the news that we will not be going there, and may never see him again, but it just makes my heart break to think that this may be a possibility.
I have no idea how to handle this. I can't believe my own father would write me out of his life over a disagreement about Disneyland (the original falling out), but here we are. And even though I'm having a hard time dealing with my own grief, I could kind of handle that. Conflict with my dad was almost inevitable, and his pattern is to cut people out of his life when conflict arises. But now my kids are involved, and that is where I am so confused. I am so so sad.
Does your sister have any insight on why he won't respond to your attempts to contact him? And assuming all are mentally healthy, you don't drop a relationship with your child over a Disneyland argument. It must represent something else - you don't want him to take them to DL alone so he thinks you don't trust him with your kids, or something beyond DL is the happiest place on earth vs it isn't. Still seems ridiculous to stop contact regardless. I hope he comes around, but you can't make him. I wouldn't tell the kids anything other than he lives very far away and is hard to reach, but when you hear back from him you will try to set up a visit.
