DH making DS worse? how to help? (SPD issues)

[umami_mommy]

i am away on vacation without DH. DS is so much better than he usually is. (DH and DS are both over responsive SPD) i can't figure out if it's all the exercise DS is getting here or the lack of dad. i am suspecting both. it seems clear DH affects DS' issues in a negative way. thsi upsets me, but i know DH didn't choose to have SPD anymore than DS has.

i wonder how to help? i am feeling frustrated DS is so much better here and evening and bedtime is such a nightmare at home. every night it's explosions, anger, conflict and negativity.

DH *is* trying to learn new ways to deal with DS, but i know he'll probably never get over his hair trigger and his over-responsiveness toward the kids. it's too much a part of who he is a a human being.

[Momma Aimee]

not sure.

Theo is a lot more nutty, wound, and silly whenEVER daddy is home. So much more calm just me and him and brother.

Not sure.

[furfeet]

I understand where you're coming from... we moved across the country and dh's new job is really draining and the hours are all over the place. Before we moved he was great with the kids but now he has a pretty short fuse. I realized that when he has that energy, it's easier to not have him there at all.
When I see him starting to get all worked up I try to butt in and give him an out, like emptying the garbage or just going out to sit in the garage until he calms down. doesn't always work when it does it's great.
Would it be possible for you to facilitate the bedtime routine? Maybe talk to your dh about what's happening there and see if he'd agree to a trial run when you get home. He could like take care of dishes or laundry or whatever and you can do the evening bedtime stuff? In a perfect world everyone would get used to having smoother evenings and then your dh could transition into a more active roll in it? Ha yeah I know it's never that simple but something to think about.

[umami_mommy]

i would put both kids to bed, but DS *insists* daddy put him to bed.

[wytchywoman]

Sounds like DS really wants a calm time to connect with dad. Maybe that can be provided at some other time during the day ( dinner, bath?) and you can take over bedtime. At this point if you really think it is making DS's issues worse, I'd use my mommy trumping power coupled with a replacement time and just flat out put my foot down and say no. If that routine isn't working then it isn't working and it needs to be replaced.