What do you do when your child fights going to therapy

[khaoskat]

It has become a constant struggle every week to get DS2 to go to his speech therapy. Every week, we struggle at home to get him to the car, we struggle at ST to get him to the building, we struggle in the building to get him to go back and not hide. Once he is back into therapy he takes a few minutes but generally does the work.

When do you say enough is enough and just give up on therapy? I cannot and do not want to deal with the struggles any longer. It used to be only when we had to switch to a new therapist, but now it has been happening lately with the therapist he has had since August. Things were going great initially, and now we have gone down this.

I have a 2 year old I have to take with me, in addition to DS2, but I physically have to treat him like a 1 or 2 year old. DH has had to carry him and strap him into his carseat before. I cannot do that with both kids, as a single person.

[2boyzmama]

Can he tell you why he's suddenly not wanting to go? Have you asked the therapist if there's been a change (has she introduced anything new, new exercises, a new therapy room, has she even had a new haircut?) Has he been sick? Has there been a change in anything else (at school, at home)

Hmm...I don't know! Connor is still very amicable because at his age therapy is still "fun".

[Momma Aimee]

subbing

[Purple Cat]

I've had twins in therapy for over 4 years . . . I'll share some thoughts.

Are you back there with him? If you are not, I strongly recommend that you change that and attend the entirety of his sessions. Even if the therapist is not "mean" or "inappropriate," the manner she uses with your child may not be comfortable for your child or you.

Next, what happens while he is in therapy? I ran into huge problems with my son wanting to attend therapy because his sister stayed with mom. Does he perceive (rightly or wrongly) that he is missing out on the fun because he is in therapy.

As a PP mentioned, I would try to find out if she is doing something, even if he doesn't say a word to her, that challenges him or he particularly finds distasteful. For instance, my son walked out of hippotherapy (horseback riding), got in the car, and told me he didn't want to ride anymore. Turned out, the therapist had him to do "superman" on the horse and it really scared him. My DS didn't say anything to the therapist, and complied. We just told hte therapist that it really scared him, and that was the end of it.

I would also consider a "break," working on things at home, and then resuming. If it was still a problem then, I might try a different therapist.

I'm not inclined to say 2 year-olds get to make decisions like avoid therapy . . .

[khaoskat]

Purple Cat:

He is actually 4 (about 6 weeks away from being 5).

I have been in the room with him and out of the room with him. Maybe I should try staying back in the room the whole time again for a bit. But what I do observe is appropriate.

Once we got there today, i had to let him out at the door from the car, because we were so late, and he walked in and acted like nothing happened and went into therapy with no issue, just said we were running late.

Nothing really goes on while he is in Therapy. DD2 is usually napping on one of the couches, and DH and I just sit there. Sometimes we will run over to the cafeteria, but we always grab him something.

[Purple Cat]

I would try staying with him the whole time. Even if the therapist is completely appropriate -- and even if 1/2 the parents would laud her discipline or child management style, it may be different from YOURS and feel uncomfortable to your son. For instance, I switched PTs after observing my DD4s PT do things like tell my son when he refused to show her a new skill, "All right DD4, you have done a really good job this entire time, but you are about to blow it and not get a sticker." Some people would like that approach. I don't.

I also have to smile hearing about your DD2 sleeping in the waiting room while you and DH sit and wait. I think NOTHING could be more boring than sitting in the waiting room. Certainly, you all are NOT having a big party without him. BUT, I have a hunch, that from your SON'S PERSPECTIVE his little sister gets his parents all to herself while he has to go back with some other person. And to top it all off, I bet, from his perspective DD2 gets to go on really cool outings like the CAFETERIA!!!!! If DS4 is anything like any other 4 year-old I know, there is nothing mundane about the ADVENTURE of GOING to the CAFETERIA, with getting handed a treat, no matter how enticing, seeming like unfair short-shrift.

I would try attending his session so he gets MOMs special attention during the time instead of DD2 seeming to get MOM all to herself AND dad.

My son complains to this day about his sister walked outside during his PT. He demands to this day to see the EXACT SAME WHITE-TAIL DEER that we happened to see. This is a year-later. . . .

Hope it helps. Something to consider. I would focus on perception, not the reality of how boring can a waiting room be . . . .

[khaoskat]

I will give it a try, part of the reason I have started slipping out is that he then turns to me instead of what he needs to be doing. I usually sit in the room until he is engaged in his work. He does so many attempts, then gets to play a game for a bit (like right now working the "k" sound).

The strangest thing is, he used to resist going back whenever we had a new therapist. It would take up to 2-3 months before he would go on his own. This time, it was totally different. And she does things totally different than the other two. She has these cook workbook pages, and she points to objects and he can name them. She is more focused on individual sounds right now than the others were. The others tried to work on the amount of his vocabulary.

I know one of his main complaints (about ST and "old school") is that it is boring. We never have problems getting him to go to the private preschool we pay for. But, when we send him to ECIP ("old school") and ST is when we have the issues. After ST I dropped him off at school, and he refused to go into the classroom, Ms. E had to pick him up and physically carry him in the room, while he screamed for me.

Last year in old school, he would sometimes crawl under a desk or table and stay there the whole time and sometimes fall asleep.

He also has to do his own thing. When DH went to drop his bookbag of at school, they were playing drums...but he had to play the "violin". The other kids were clapping sticks together, he was rubbing two together like you would for a violin.

[mamarhu]

What would happen if you took a break from ST for a while? I can't imagine he learns much when he is in this mood. Rather than teaching him to associate ST with fighting and meltdowns, could you come back in a few weeks or months?

If he is consistently adamant about not wanting to be there, I think he has a reason, even if you don't know what it is.

[khaoskat]

Originally Posted by mamarhu

What would happen if you took a break from ST for a while? I can't imagine he learns much when he is in this mood. Rather than teaching him to associate ST with fighting and meltdowns, could you come back in a few weeks or months?

If he is consistently adamant about not wanting to be there, I think he has a reason, even if you don't know what it is.

If we stop, we are put on the bottom of a wait list. When we were wait listed when his ST quit, it was 6 - 7 weeks with no therapy and then we were only given an every other week ST. I had to fight to get him on weekly again.

Even after almost 3 years of ST, including 4 times a week of 1/2 days of Early Intervention for 6 months; and 2 1/4 school years going 4 times a week of 1/2 days (which includes around 20-30 minutes average of quarter of group ST at school) in a Early Childhood Intervention Program, he is still far enough behind in his speech to qualify for services.

When his ST left, it was right after his yearly re-eval for his private ST. His original DX was Speech Apraxia, but now they have either added or changed it to Articulation Disorder. His receptive language is still up in like the 98th percentile; his expressive is in the 58th percentile; and his articulation is in the 4th percentile.

[Linda on the move]

Could you guys try switching around how you take him? Just have one parent go and the other stay home with the other child? Would your DH be willing to just take this over for a while and give you a break?

I, personally, think the worst thing you can do is pull a child from therapy that could have an impact on their quality of life. This just isn't a decision that a small chid can make for themselves.

Parents being very, very clear than therapy is going to happen whether or not the child is happy about *can* be the first step to the child just going along with it even though they aren't crazy about it.

I think that part of the problem for us APs is that we think that our kids are supposed to be happy. Developing more of a hard nose approach that "this is what is best for you, you don't have to like it" and letting go of the emotional aspect of that is counterintuitive for us. Yet doing so gives our kids the space to just go to therapy (or school or whatever). As long as we are trying to figure out if it is worth the effort, they vote with their resisitance.

They don't want to be pushed to their edges. No one does -- it isn't pleasant. Yet we have to look at the long term, not what makes them happy to day.