Happiest Toddler on the Block and Hair Pulling

[Poodge]

DS is 10.5 months old. He loves to pull hair and play with faces. I have tried to untangle his hand from my hair and tell him "Gentle, Gentle" while touching his hand softly when he pulls too hard. This is also the same method we use for grabbing the face hard.

Last night he grabbed my hair and pulled hard. I tried the "gentle, gentle" and removing his hand. He did it again so I tried a method I learned in the Happiest Toddler on the Block of clapping my hands hard and saying grrrr.

He gave me the worst shocked hurt look and started hysterically crying. I tried to comfort him and tell him "You want, want,want mommy's hair, but gentle, gentle" but it really didn't work at that point forward. I felt awful.

I do let him touch my hair and face when he does it gentle, because I don't want him to think he can never touch those areas. Does this send a mixed message? Do you think he is too young for the methods in Happiest Toddler? Or do I just need to realize he may not like being told "no", but that in some cases like this it must be done.

[Melanie_7773]

I'm not familiar with the "Happiest Toddler" program, but it sounds like the method you describe could be quite scary for many children. It certainly would have greatly upset my daughter at that age, or even as an older toddler. My 15-month-old son is much less sensitive than his sister, but I think even he would be distressed by that sort of action, depending on his mood.

In your situation I would probably react immediately with a forceful "ouch", followed by "that hurts, please don't pull my hair" (or "please be gentle", or whatever words you prefer). In trying to demonstrate what "gentle" means, I would either touch his hair, or touch my own hair, or try to help him touch my hair in a gentle way. I don't think most 10 month-olds are necessarily able to translate a gentle touch on the hand into gently touching hair.

If none of that worked I would just remove myself from the situation, either by moving away (with an explanation of why) or redirecting the child to another activity.

Good luck!