7yo boys: issues with food/eating/control. Please advise! - Page 3

[heartmama]

I am not a fan of Satter at all, however the families I know who used that approach always kept fruit availabe 24/7, because they found it impossible to anticipate every growth spurt or burst of activity that brought on major hunger before 'official' mealtimes.

[BetsyNY]

I think people are way too fast to characterize any kind of behavior around food that doesn't meet with their approval as an "eating issue." If your kid eats tacos and green beans, they don't have any "food issues" apart from the ones you're creating by restricting food. If you know they are hungry, FEED THEM. If they didn't want to eat oatmeal and bacon, well, some days I don't feel like eating oatmeal, either.

I give them the food they want to eat on the days they want to eat it, within reason. They're allowed to change their minds and they're allowed to inconvenience me. It's part of being a parent.

My son eats cereal, nuggets and fries from McDonald's, and white bread. That's restricted eating, and it's a problem. If he ate peanut butter and jelly, I'd cry for joy. STEALING food? If your children take food that belongs to them, how can it be stealing?

ETA: Totally agree with the PP. Ellyn Satter gives people who *want* to be controlling around food legitimacy. That's my take, anyway.

[mama2cal&darby]

I'm so sorry if I sounded condesending, that really was not my intention.
I do not at all pretend to be an expert, I am just someone trying to deal with her own child's eating without making long term issues for him. Like I said, the head of the National Eating Disorder Clinic, herself, recommended going with Ellyn Satter. Take it for what it's worth.

[mama2cal&darby]

I also just have to add, in response to the pp, that the very last thing I *want* is to be controlling around food and the woman from NEDC who advised me also said that if your kid will only eat pickles and cheese for a year (which she tells me she did as a child) feed them pickles and cheese for a year, don't get into power struggles over food.

[chfriend]

Originally Posted by mama2cal&darby

When my youngest DS started to exibit eating issues I contacted a friend who used to work for the National Eating Disorder Clinic for help. Both my DH and I grew up with issues and are very conscious that parents can, although well-meaning, create life-long problems for kids with food.
My friend told me that Ellyn Satter (www.ellynsatter.com ) is considered the go-to women for how to feed kids. I noticed that a pp recommended a book of her's, but then offered some advice which, I believe is in condradiction to what Ellyn Satter would advise.
My DS's issues are not the same as your's, so I won't speak to it, but my understanding, in a nutshell of what ES believes is that parents are responsible for the *what, where and when* of eating and kids are responsible for the *how much and whether*. Parents should provide meals and sitdown snacks for kids every 2-3 hours (and sitdown with them- no eating while doing other things), allow kids to eat as much as they desire of what is being served - although only one serving of dessert, if being offered(no emotion or comment on what or whether they eat) and when eating is done there should be no food until the next meal/snack time except water.
This is my understanding, so far of what she recommends, though like I said my DS's issues are not the same, so the book I am currently reading of Ellyn Satter's would not be the one for you. Definitely you should go to her website, though.
Good luck, and I personally go to the professionals for help, rather than take advise from well-meaning people who lack any real knowledge of a very delicate issue.

I think some of the problem is that it's easy to oversimplify what Satter is saying. In addition to advising that parents are responsible for the what, where and when, she tells parents to make sure that there is sufficient amounts of children's favorite foods available at every eating time.

She emphasises that it is parents responsibility to *feed* their children, not make them eat. The 24/7 fruit access is entirely consistent with her approach I think.

That said, I found much of her advice useful in thinking through issues generated by allergies in our house, but am not a follower.

[lolar2]

It seems to me that Satter is used to working with families who are in one way or another a lot MORE restrictive than what she recommends-- either attempted force-feeding, or excessive restricting-- so by comparison she is trying to get people to lighten up. She does say in at least one of her books to make sure that each meal includes at least one thing that the child likes, as a side dish if nothing else, so they can eat if they are truly hungry.

[MamaHappy]

My reponses are in red.

Originally Posted by DoomaYula

My 7yo twin boys are hungry and will only eat a few things (cold cereal; fruit; tacos; pbj sandwiches; green beans). Well, at least these are reasonably healthy things... it could be worse, lol.

If they do not like what I make them, they will sneak into the fridge -- without permission! -- and gorge on fruit or cheese sticks or bread, whatever they can get their hands on while I'm in the shower or bathroom! If this is your house rule, then this doesn't sit right with me either. Why are they sneaking? Is it because they think you'll say no if they ask for a snack? How do you react when they sneak food?

If we go to someone's house, they will go into that person's fridge or looking for food in their cabinets. They will also eat off the floor in a restaurant. Nope, not okay. Just bad manners and rude all around. Put a stop to this.

I am really worried, sad -- EMBARRASSED! My children are sneaking food, eating off floors, and begging! -- and need some advice.

My "food philosophy" is basically this: I decided what is served and when (with some flexibility) and kids decide if and how much they will eat. I do make an effort to prepare things I know they like and nothing too weird. If they decide not to eat a particular meal, that is fine. They can eat at the next snack/meal.

To address some issues:

1. I cook very kid-friendly meals. My own palate is very bland -- not a lot of spices or salt -- and I make a lot of chicken and beef meals with rice and vegetables. Chicken pot pie; lasagna; english-muffin pizzas; broccoli/cheese quiche.
Sounds good to me! Make sure you make their favorite foods too. It also sometimes help to have kids involved with the preparation of meals.

2. I have told them repeatedly that I do not want them in the fridge without permission, or eating without permission. I make them three meals per day, with a snack in between each meal. The snack is usually fruit or crackers with peanut butter or a cheese stick or popcorn. However, if I turn my back, they are in the kitchen sneaking food. Today one of my boys put an apple in his pants to hide it from me.

Okay, I personally don't think it's unreasonable to not want your children sneaking food and having unlimited access to the fridge. I know others disagree and feel this is too strict and controlling, but I really think it's fine. I think someone suggested some kind of "snack shelf".. maybe you could do this? Maybe after breakfast (or whatever meal), you could say something like, "if you guys get hungry later, you can go ahead and have a snack off the special shelf" or whatever. It gives them some control.

Also, maybe let them chose their snacks (within reason)? And you can give them choices (also within reason) for meals too. Like, "would you like sandwiches or tacos for lunch"?

3. They are clearly hungry. Today my boys did not eat breakfast (by their choice; it was oatmeal with honey and brown sugar, and bacon). We went for lunch at Chick-Fil-A and one of them was actually eating food off the floor when he was finished with his lunch.
Again, teach them that eating food off of the floor is bad manners. If they are still hungry, then you can get them more food. But there is no need to eat off the floor. Gross!

4. I am at my wits' end over this. I am tired of fighting over food, but I think it's important that they eat a variety of foods, incorporating lots of colors and textures.
Yes, this is important, but like you said....
I realize I cannot force them to eat, but neither can I have them eating off the floor, or begging people for food -- they also did that at Chick-Fil-A, when they were done eating and one of their friends was still eating his lunch.
You're right, you can't force them to eat, nor should you! If they have finished their meal and are still hungry, just teach them to politely let you know they are still hungry and would like more to eat. Don't say no, just give them more. It's not a big deal.... really.

Please advise. Every meal is becoming a battleground and I hate it.
I don't blame you, I would hate it too! Continue to serve tasty, healthy meals and snacks. Let them decide if and how much they will eat. Don't nag, pressure, get frustrated, etc. If they have finished a meal and they are still hungry, go ahead and give them more to eat. It's okay!

I am really surprised at how many people think it's okay for your kids to refuse to eat their breakfast and then go behind your back and just raid the fridge! I would be frustrated with this as you are!! I find this to be very disrespectful and wasteful. I agree it's not good to be over-controlling with food but *some* boundaries are just fine. If they chose to not eat their breakfast, then fine, but then they're not entitled to a free-for-all when you're not looking.

Also, I find it helpful when telling a child what they CAN'T do, to follow up with something they CAN do. So you could say, "It's not okay to raid the fridge behind mommy's back, but you can come to me for a snack or chose a snack off the snack shelf", or whatever. When my boys don't eat a meal, I will sometimes save it for a snack for them later on in the day. They will often eat it and happily!

[khaoskat]

One thing I would want to know is for instance, she said she feed them Chick Fil A...

What did she order for them at Chick Fil A? If she just ordered a kids meals (usually a 4 piece nugget or a chicken strip, small fries and a drink), I can truly see the kids as still being hungry. My son is almost 7 years old, and there are a lot of times he will eat an adult meal at Chick Fil A, or other places.

I too have lots of food issues, but have lessened up on several things, and now have fewer issues with my oldest, who is almost 7. He eats a lot.

Breakfast - 1 package instant oatmeal; 1 piece of fruit; 1 glass of milk. And sometimes he is still wanting more food...we give him toast, or a bagel.

Morning snack - he is at school, but we still pack a little bowl with some cracker type snack or fruit or 1/2 bag microwave popcorn.

Lunch: 2-4 oz Salmon; fruit; crackers; 8 oz milk; yogurt/gogurt; cut veggies

On way home from school we will occasionally now stop and get him a Chicken Sandwhich from McDonalds. But only if he has eaten all his lunch and is starving.

At home (regardless of McDonalds trip or not) fruit or peanut butter crackers; yogurt. sometimes popcorn.

Only three rules dinner: 1) I cut snacking off now about 30 minutes before dinner (basically about the time I start cooking it). 2) If you don't what is served on your plate at meal time, no desert or snacking later - you can eat/finish your meal. 3) You get one glass of milk served with your meal. if you drink it before you are done eating, you will have to eat most of what is served before you get more (prevents them drinking their dinner).

Dinner: 1 pork chop (thin cut); veggie; another side dish that is more of a starch type; sometimes I will cut up some fruit if i have time - like share an apple between all three kids; milk; dessert - sometimes it is frozen juice on a stick; sometimes it is a yogurt; sometimes it is cookies, etc.

And he still usually wants a before bed snack. Usually fruit or peanut butter crackers.

Oh, and if they are enrolled in any type of activity after dinner, there are times they want and will eat another whole meal. After Karate or ice skating, my almost 7 year old will eat 1/2 - 3/4 lbs of apple slices, a bottle of water, or some low sugar juice, 2 tubes gogurt or a big thing of yogurt; and a thing of 6 Austen PB crackers.


My kids, except the 2 year old (but she generally only goes for the fruit, cheese or snack meats), know what they can have from the fridge. My problem is my 4 year old, who is picky. He will want the same food for weeks on end, and then one day just decide he doesn't like it anymore and you are stuck guessing until you figure out his new thing. He is also hording or hiding or sneaking food. I think I know why, but not sure how to address it, and it may be related to his special needs.

There are times we do adult meals, my 7 year old will eat most of those - salmon, fish, cabbage rolls, shrimp, etc, and a lot of it my 2 year old will as well. But if I am making an "adult" meal, I will make a kid friendly alternative if they don't want/like it.

And my child is nowhere near even being much about the 50-60th percentile for weight. At almost 7, he is about 4 foot 3-5 inches tall, and probably weighs 60lbs soaking wet. He can still fit into size 4 pants (they are very tight and way too short). In shorts he is wearing about a size 5 or maybe a size 6 depending upon the brand/cut. He has to have slim cut pants, otherwise they look like a bag cinched in at the middle.

Just wanted to add:

That on Father's Day, DS1, was about 1/4 - 1/2 inch shy of being 48 inches. We went to Cedar Point and that is how much the bar was above his head. On Labor Day Weekend, he was about 1/2 - 3/4 inches above the 48 inch bar. So, you are talking 2 1/2 months and he sprouted up close to an inch in height. And since that time, he is probably grown another 2 inches. All that growth takes food, sleep and energy.

[sapphire_chan]

Silly question here, why weren't cheese sticks and bread on the list of foods they'll eat?

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Viola

This is such a hard and confusing issue. I have daily food struggles with my kids also, but interestingly enough, they don't sneak food. In fact, that's kind of the problem, if they just ate the food they had access to, I'd be OK with that. There is plenty of food here they could eat, but instead they tell me how they hate all the foods I make and all the foods I have in the house, and ask for things we don't have, like potato chips. And when they tell me they are hungry, it kind of sets me off a bit, I have to say. I walk in the door at 9 o'clock at night and get the "I'm hungryyyyyyyyy" thing, and know they very well could be hungry since they didn't eat the dinner I made, yet I know there is food here they could have eaten and didn't. I also know that when I offer it they won't eat it, because they want some fantastical delicious thing they think I might somehow have, or they'll even think I'll take them to a restaurant.

Someone mentioned in another thread that they had a talk with their kids about how you don't always have to have your most favorite food that you feel like having right then. That it can be okay to really want pasta and have rice instead.

Of course with kids who are willing to go to sleep hungry, I suspect that method won't help you as much.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by MamaHappy

I am really surprised at how many people think it's okay for your kids to refuse to eat their breakfast and then go behind your back and just raid the fridge! I would be frustrated with this as you are!! I find this to be very disrespectful and wasteful. I agree it's not good to be over-controlling with food but *some* boundaries are just fine. If they chose to not eat their breakfast, then fine, but then they're not entitled to a free-for-all when you're not looking.

You know a lot of us here don't consider a 7 year old going to make themselves a snack to be raiding the fridge. We consider it a sign that the 7 year old was hungry and felt like making themself a snack.

Honestly I would never try to have that much control over what a seven year old eats. By the time DD was seven we had taught her how to make a few simple things without the stove so she could get her own food. But then asking someone else to make you something when you're hungry and they aren't doesn't fly in this house past a certain age. You get breakfast, lunch and dinner made for you, but other then that unless it's offered it's generally accepted that someone isn't going to just stop what they are doing to feed you.

[mamazee]

First of all, they sound hungry, and so long as they're eating healthy foods like cheese and apples (two of your examples of foods they're sneaking) I'd lay off. Kids go through growth spurts and there are times where my just-turned-8-year-old eats a surprising amount of food. Times where she eats a lot less.

Second, I would have them get their own breakfast together. My dd gets her own breakfast. She knows what is available for breakfast and gets something together each morning. If she wants something more involved than she can handle and I have time, I make it for her. For instance, we keep hard boiled eggs in the fridge for her, but if she was scrambled eggs then she asks.

Third, I'm afraid they could start to feel labeled as "sneaks" or that they are "stealing". My dd said she was sorry for stealing some chocolate chips I had on hand for baking cookies for a school event one time. I said that our family owns all the food in our house, and she can't steal food that belongs to us. I don't want her to feel like she's stealing if she's hungry for food we own. But that the chips were needed for cookies, and she knew that, so to please ask if she is wanting something like that so I can be careful that it won't impact my cooking plans. As it was, she ate so few chips that the cookies were fine anyway. And I'd be fine with her having a few chips, but I'd rather she go through me for stuff she knows is intended for something specific just so my plans aren't impacted.

Generally, we don't have stuff like chocolate chips, cookies, chips, etc. on hand, so whatver she eats is healthy. And I find that if only healthy choices exist, she does a really good job instinctively balancing her diet. She'll get celery sticks some of the time, nuts some of the time, cheese some of the time, apples, etc. But it's a nice mix. She seems to be hungry for what her body needs. My feeling is that we all start out with those instincts, but that we lose them as we grow for a variety of reasons, from the "clean your plate" movement to processed foods that trick our bodies into thinking we're filling needs that aren't being filled, like fruit snacks trick us into feeling like we've eaten fruit.

Fourth, I'm a big believer in information being power, and we have gone to the library and gotten books for kids about healthy eating. We've also researched that issue on the internet. We also model healthy eating and talk about health and food and the relationship.

Anyway, there are a lot of ways to handle this, and my dd is good at self regulation so this works for us. I offer it as one perspective, not as the gospel on food and parenting.

[daniellebluetoo]

I am so disappointed by all the rude comments I'm reading ;-(

This is MOTHERING, we all do it differently, and if we can't come here for some support then why come here at all????

With that said..... I have an 8 yr old boy, growing faster than i know what to do with and eats as much as a grown man!!! I am also a nanny, have been for years and can say that I DON"T think it's wrong to set boundaries for food, just like I don't think it's wrong to set boundaries for the house.

My suggestion would be, (for the time being), don't stock things you don't want them eating. While this doesn't help with the sneaky-ness, it will prevent them from eating things you don't approve of. If they know that there is nothing worthwhile to sneak, maybe they will stop, and a habit is easiest to break when it CAN"T be done.

Give them a list of things they CAN eat at will, and perhaps times they can too.

For the eating off the floors and going into other peoples kitchens uninvited, that is more a manors issue than a food issue. I would tell them that until they straighten up, they can not go out to eat with you, if you need to do take out, then pick it up, have it delivered, get drive thru or something that doesn't ALLOW for them to eat off a floor. Limit time at other peoples houses (if you can).. Maybe get the other parents involved too, I know that I would personally take issue with any ones kids going thru my fridge and kitchen, not that I wouldn't feed them, I would just expect better manors, and tell them flat out, it's not acceptable for them to do that.

Rules in my house are: I cook, you eat.
I cook lots and 98% of the time it's a great whole foods meal, we do indulge sometimes, but not often. Nor can I afford it. Dinner is also the last meal of the day, since my DS goes to bed at 7pm, (gets up at 6am) dinner us usually around 5pm. Most of the time this works, occasionally DS will not like what he's being served, so will eat less. I remind him that the next meal is breakfast and he will eat enough to fill his tummy but may not thoroughly enjoy it. Thats OK as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't HAVE to love every meal. During the day when he's home from school or weekends, he asks for snacks, 99% of the time he gets a yes answer, and I except his snack proposal, but if it's close to dinner or if he want something messy and were on our way out the door, I'll suggest something else or get him started on the next meals veggies.

It's OK to have rules, even about food.

It's OK to expect your kids to have manors.

It's OK to expect your rules to followed.

Hugs mama! I hope you find the answers that YOUR family needs real soon!

[mamazee]

Oh yeah, that last post reminds me of what else I wanted to say.

I would treat the manners issue separately from the hunger/food issue. No matter how hungry they are, they should not beg people for food or eat off restaurant floors. I would discuss them with your kids as separate issues so that they understand that even if they're hungry and you're willing to make changes there, that it is still very rude to do the other things.

I would consider the restaurant floor issue to also be health related. I'd be worried about my dd getting sick and would just get take-out until things got figured out. Who knows what's been on people's feet down there! Ugh!

[BetsyNY]

Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo

I am so disappointed by all the rude comments I'm reading ;-(

This is MOTHERING, we all do it differently, and if we can't come here for some support then why come here at all????

With that said..... I have an 8 yr old boy, growing faster than i know what to do with and eats as much as a grown man!!! I am also a nanny, have been for years and can say that I DON"T think it's wrong to set boundaries for food, just like I don't think it's wrong to set boundaries for the house.

My suggestion would be, (for the time being), don't stock things you don't want them eating. While this doesn't help with the sneaky-ness, it will prevent them from eating things you don't approve of. If they know that there is nothing worthwhile to sneak, maybe they will stop, and a habit is easiest to break when it CAN"T be done.

Give them a list of things they CAN eat at will, and perhaps times they can too.

For the eating off the floors and going into other peoples kitchens uninvited, that is more a manors issue than a food issue. I would tell them that until they straighten up, they can not go out to eat with you, if you need to do take out, then pick it up, have it delivered, get drive thru or something that doesn't ALLOW for them to eat off a floor. Limit time at other peoples houses (if you can).. Maybe get the other parents involved too, I know that I would personally take issue with any ones kids going thru my fridge and kitchen, not that I wouldn't feed them, I would just expect better manors, and tell them flat out, it's not acceptable for them to do that.

Rules in my house are: I cook, you eat.
I cook lots and 98% of the time it's a great whole foods meal, we do indulge sometimes, but not often. Nor can I afford it. Dinner is also the last meal of the day, since my DS goes to bed at 7pm, (gets up at 6am) dinner us usually around 5pm. Most of the time this works, occasionally DS will not like what he's being served, so will eat less. I remind him that the next meal is breakfast and he will eat enough to fill his tummy but may not thoroughly enjoy it. Thats OK as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't HAVE to love every meal. During the day when he's home from school or weekends, he asks for snacks, 99% of the time he gets a yes answer, and I except his snack proposal, but if it's close to dinner or if he want something messy and were on our way out the door, I'll suggest something else or get him started on the next meals veggies.

It's OK to have rules, even about food.

It's OK to expect your kids to have manors.

It's OK to expect your rules to followed.

Hugs mama! I hope you find the answers that YOUR family needs real soon!

I find it somewhat alarming that this is posted in Gentle Discipline, myself. Usually when someone wants this level of control, it's because of their own food issues.

If people don't want advice, they'd be well advised to not post asking for it. It's a cop-out to say "well, you don't know my situation." I don't think anyone was particularly rude in this post.

[khaoskat]

Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo

I am so disappointed by all the rude comments I'm reading ;-(

This is MOTHERING, we all do it differently, and if we can't come here for some support then why come here at all????

I think the issue that most have here is:

1) Mother clearly states her children are hungry, even still after eating what is put before them.

2) Mother has strict eating guidelines. For instance. I only serve X for breakfast, if you are still hungry too bad, that is all you get until our scheduled snack time.

3) Mother refuses to allow them to have anything other than what she provides them for their 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. Even if they are still hungry. She wont even allow them an "apple" or "cheese" between meals/snacks, if they are hungry, which she states they are.

These children appear to most of us to need additional food, due to their behavior - going behind Mother's back when she is not looking to get it; when at other people's house going through their stuff to get food; they will scrounge for food off the floor or other people in the eating place because they want more and mother wont give it to them.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I would treat the manners issue separately from the hunger/food issue. No matter how hungry they are, they should not beg people for food or eat off restaurant floors. I would discuss them with your kids as separate issues so that they understand that even if they're hungry and you're willing to make changes there, that it is still very rude to do the other things.

: They should be going to YOU for more food.

And if they aren't able/willing to do that, that gives you another piece of your puzzle right there.

[mamazee]

I think the problem is that people see that there is almost certainly no way to solve this without them getting more food, and IMO getting more control about what as well as how much. Hunger is a bigger motivator than wanting to have good behavior or wanting to please mom. Hunger is a huge motivator. You can't punish, teach, or train someone to stop being hungry. I agree that this isn't really a discipline issue, except the manners part, and if they're hungry enough they're going to have real trouble being polite about food issues.

[mamazee]

We're talking about kids hungry for an apple or some cheese, not kids who are gorging themselves on take-out.

[khaoskat]

My

Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo

From what I've read in the OP's post she IS giving the boys meals, they are HUNGRY because they are not EATING THEM.... and instead choosing to "snack out".... I would be hard pressed to ASSUME that mom is cutting the boys off at meal times when they are asking for food,(like most here are) and then harshly criticizing the OP for what tantamount's in their eyes as starvation. The Op is CLEARLY distraught over this, because the boys aren't heeding her wishes, are being sneaky and are wasting food at meal times. This would drive me nuts too, we are on a strict budget, and couldn't' afford to feed any one SOLELY on "snack" type foods. 7 apples costs a whole heck of a lot more than a bowl of oatmeal or home made soup, or what ever, fresh produce IS a commodity around here, it is given plentifully, but in balance to everything else as well.

Not only that, but alot of PP's are assuming that the only reason a child would act that way is BECAUSE he was hungry. WRONG.

Sorry Mods, not sure how to do multiple quotes, so I am going to put quotes from the OP in red...

2. I have told them repeatedly that I do not want them in the fridge without permission, or eating without permission.

This highly disturbs me, the kids have to have permission from her to eat. Shows a huge control issue over food, that she is making herself. At 7, these kids should be able to go get an apple from the fridge, a piece of bread, etc. if they feel hungry and should not need permission to eat.

I make them three meals per day, with a snack in between each meal.

I am sorry, my kids eat more than this, and generally (except issues with my almost 5 year old) eat their meals. When I find out they are not eating a meal, ie when DS1 who is almost 7 was not eating his lunch, then I investigate and he will eat his lunch as his snack and then get more if he wants/needs it. My kids are nowhere near overweight, as a matter of fact, they tend to be on the otherside, underweight.

The snack is usually fruit or crackers with peanut butter or a cheese stick or popcorn.

Again, this is not much of a snack for a 7 year old between meals. My almost 7 year old will eat a piece of fruit and cheese and/or crackers in one snack sitting. Why, because he is hungry. My almost 5 year old will eat a snack at morning pre-school (usually crackers and juice around 11:15), then come home eat a peanut butter sandwhich or 1 1/2 of them, then go on to his IEP services and still eat some or all of his lunch there around 1:15 (again dealing with other food issues with him and possible textures, so he wont always eat what is served) and then an afternoon snack there about 3:00, then come home and have an afternoon snack.

I have no problems with expecting a child to eat their meals, we do as well. DS2 often will not, but then will want to snack as well. We have initiated a policy that you have to eat your meal, or there will be no snacking, but I will "hold" their meal for them to eat later. Example - DS1 is in Karate. One night I made dinner, DS2 refused to eat. After Karate DD2 and DS1 had yogurt, apple slices, and peanut butter crackers for a snack. DS2 had to wait till we got home to eat his dinner when he wanted to snack food, since we forgot to bring it with us. Another Example - DS2 refused to eat his dinner. DH and I made a loaf of homemade bread. DS2 desperately wanted a piece of it...he was told no, because he had not eaten his dinner. Well, he went to the table and scarfed down every bite of food that he had on his plate. Another Example - We also do Chick Fil A for kids night. If a child does not eat their dinner before hand, they don't get anything to eat at Chick Fil A (ie ice cream, or chicken nuggets). We have brought their left over dinner on one occasion and made them eat it before they got anything else.

The kids are looking for some measure of control in their lives. They are also hungry, which is driving this even more. But you cannot make meal times a struggle. You should not also control the food to the point that every time a child is hungry they need permission for food, it will only lead to issues later in life focused around eating.

It is perfectly fine to tell your child that since you did not eat your breakfast right now, you can put it up (as in the fridge or other spot if it doesn't need to be cooled) and eat it later before you get any snacks. Yes, there are a few foods that are hard to do that with, but most things you can.

They are clearly hungry. Today my boys did not eat breakfast (by their choice; it was oatmeal with honey and brown sugar, and bacon). We went for lunch at Chick-Fil-A and one of them was actually eating food off the floor when he was finished with his lunch.

The best way to have handled this situation in the first place - They did not eat their breakfast, it is a food you can hold in the fridge and re-heat or be eaten cold. Serve that to them when they were asking for food. Then don't take them to Chick Fil A. She rewarded them with fast food for lunch, when they clearly didn't eat the breakfast. A place she knows they love and will eat, can get food off the floor and beg for food from others.

I posted for advice on eating issues not that long ago, and I took a lot of it to heart, and learned a lot. Much of what I am doing now, were suggestions from her.