Originally Posted by daniellebluetoo
From what I've read in the OP's post she IS giving the boys meals, they are HUNGRY because they are not EATING THEM.... and instead choosing to "snack out".... I would be hard pressed to ASSUME that mom is cutting the boys off at meal times when they are asking for food,(like most here are) and then harshly criticizing the OP for what tantamount's in their eyes as starvation. The Op is CLEARLY distraught over this, because the boys aren't heeding her wishes, are being sneaky and are wasting food at meal times. This would drive me nuts too, we are on a strict budget, and couldn't' afford to feed any one SOLELY on "snack" type foods. 7 apples costs a whole heck of a lot more than a bowl of oatmeal or home made soup, or what ever, fresh produce IS a commodity around here, it is given plentifully, but in balance to everything else as well.
Not only that, but alot of PP's are assuming that the only reason a child would act that way is BECAUSE he was hungry. WRONG.
Sorry Mods, not sure how to do multiple quotes, so I am going to put quotes from the OP in red...2. I have told them repeatedly that I do not want them in the fridge without permission, or eating without permission.
This highly disturbs me, the kids have to have permission from her to eat. Shows a huge control issue over food, that she is making herself. At 7, these kids should be able to go get an apple from the fridge, a piece of bread, etc. if they feel hungry and should not need permission to eat.I make them three meals per day, with a snack in between each meal.
I am sorry, my kids eat more than this, and generally (except issues with my almost 5 year old) eat their meals. When I find out they are not eating a meal, ie when DS1 who is almost 7 was not eating his lunch, then I investigate and he will eat his lunch as his snack and then get more if he wants/needs it. My kids are nowhere near overweight, as a matter of fact, they tend to be on the otherside, underweight.The snack is usually fruit or crackers with peanut butter or a cheese stick or popcorn.
Again, this is not much of a snack for a 7 year old between meals. My almost 7 year old will eat a piece of fruit and cheese and/or crackers in one snack sitting. Why, because he is hungry. My almost 5 year old will eat a snack at morning pre-school (usually crackers and juice around 11:15), then come home eat a peanut butter sandwhich or 1 1/2 of them, then go on to his IEP services and still eat some or all of his lunch there around 1:15 (again dealing with other food issues with him and possible textures, so he wont always eat what is served) and then an afternoon snack there about 3:00, then come home and have an afternoon snack.
I have no problems with expecting a child to eat their meals, we do as well. DS2 often will not, but then will want to snack as well. We have initiated a policy that you have to eat your meal, or there will be no snacking, but I will "hold" their meal for them to eat later. Example - DS1 is in Karate. One night I made dinner, DS2 refused to eat. After Karate DD2 and DS1 had yogurt, apple slices, and peanut butter crackers for a snack. DS2 had to wait till we got home to eat his dinner when he wanted to snack food, since we forgot to bring it with us. Another Example - DS2 refused to eat his dinner. DH and I made a loaf of homemade bread. DS2 desperately wanted a piece of it...he was told no, because he had not eaten his dinner. Well, he went to the table and scarfed down every bite of food that he had on his plate. Another Example - We also do Chick Fil A for kids night. If a child does not eat their dinner before hand, they don't get anything to eat at Chick Fil A (ie ice cream, or chicken nuggets). We have brought their left over dinner on one occasion and made them eat it before they got anything else.
The kids are looking for some measure of control in their lives. They are also hungry, which is driving this even more. But you cannot make meal times a struggle. You should not also control the food to the point that every time a child is hungry they need permission for food, it will only lead to issues later in life focused around eating.
It is perfectly fine to tell your child that since you did not eat your breakfast right now, you can put it up (as in the fridge or other spot if it doesn't need to be cooled) and eat it later before you get any snacks. Yes, there are a few foods that are hard to do that with, but most things you can.They are clearly hungry. Today my boys did not eat breakfast (by their choice; it was oatmeal with honey and brown sugar, and bacon). We went for lunch at Chick-Fil-A and one of them was actually eating food off the floor when he was finished with his lunch.
The best way to have handled this situation in the first place - They did not eat their breakfast, it is a food you can hold in the fridge and re-heat or be eaten cold. Serve that to them when they were asking for food. Then don't take them to Chick Fil A. She rewarded them with fast food for lunch, when they clearly didn't eat the breakfast. A place she knows they love and will eat, can get food off the floor and beg for food from others.
I posted for advice on eating issues not that long ago, and I took a lot of it to heart, and learned a lot. Much of what I am doing now, were suggestions from her.