Originally Posted by JSMa
He just got served child support notice yesterday for a child he has never even met, who is about a year and a half old now.
It's not right to be made to pay for a child that you have been denied any relationship with.
It looks like you've already gotten some sound legal advice here. (I'm not sure what a "proto" lawyer is
, but she generally knows what's going on!)
Morally, I agree the situation is infuriating: if the Mom considers your friend enough of a father that he should pay child support, why did she think she
had no responsibility to let him develop a relationship with the child, until she needed money? It's despicable.
I also feel frustrated with mothers who are ready to take their ex to court and push for him to be thrown in jail over any hint of deviation from the child support orders, but who do not comply with their ex's visitation rights. But the same moral principal that applies in that case applies to your friend: child support is about the child's
needs, plain and simple. If, indeed, your friend had relations with his wife which produced a child, then that child has needs which require money. It is not the child's fault that one or both of his parents were foolish. If - rightly or wrongly - the child's mother paid for everything for the first 18 months, but now she's destitute, it may be in the child's best interest to have Dad not only start paying support, but start making up some of the support he - by rights - should have paid the first 18 months. That Mom is a jerk and created
her current financial mess, by trying to keep Dad from knowing the kid until now is a separate issue
The fact that Mom probably won't be penalized in any way for her prior secrecy, yet Dad will be regarded as a "deadbeat" by anyone who knows he has an order for back child support... is also
a separate issue. A very, very regrettable and unfair
Under the circumstances, I say he should definitely find out if the kid is his before he invests himself emotionally or financially. (Unless he's one of those saints who's willing to be a father to this kid even if it's not
his, just because the kid has no other Dad in the picture. In that case, kiss him for me!)