Originally Posted by alacrity
It is not her responsibility to make him step up and be a father. You damn sure bet that if someone had a child out there that might be mine I would be doing anything and everything to see that child.
And I highly doubt she is just now going after support. These things take years and years. The system is slow to the point of stagnation. I have been waiting for almost a year and a half and still nothing has happened with my case. So you are ill informed if you think she just went on down to the child support office and then he was served just after. She probably filed last year and she has every right to file for that support. It's not for her it's for the child.
I never addressed how or when she filed for support. As others have said, maybe the state did for
her because she applied for some form of public assistance. How could we possibly know?
Also, I've said all along that if JSMa's friend really is the dad
, it's right that he contribute financial support, regardless when
he discovered the child was his.
I've also criticized men who show no interest in children they father and said it's not the mother's responsibility to force
But a man can't show interest in his child if he doesn't know he has one
!! If, say, a woman has a one-night stand with some out-of-town guy whose last name she doesn't know and she has no way to track him down, then she can't really tell him he has a kid. (He probably can't be tracked down to pay support, either...) But if a woman chooses not to tell a man they have a child together, she is unilaterally deciding that he can't have a relationship with his child AND that the child can't know his/her other parent.
According to JSMa, her friend reasonably
thought his ex's child was fathered by the guy she was sleeping with when she left him. All the more so because for more than 2 years (while she was pregnant and after the kid was born) she never attempted to contact him and suggest she thought he was the father
. She moved away and for all he knew, she was still with the other guy, raising their kid together.
Then, one of two things must
1- She decided to pursue child support from him; OR
2- She gave his name as her child's father on some form and the government
decided to pursue child support from him.In EITHER case, she thought he was the father - and told OTHER people that he was, but she made no effort to pick up the phone, e-mail or send a letter, telling him he had a child.
She left it up to some attorney to notify him, in the form of legal notice that he was being sued for back support.
Either way, that. is. crummy. behavior. NOT the seeking of support!
The fact that she knew
he had a child, but didn't tell him and thereby give him the chance
to be a stand-up guy from the beginning!
As you can see from some of the responses here, plenty of people will look at him
as a jerk who didn't care about or support his kid, until a court forced him to. The fact that he will be judged a deadbeat by some, but people resist calling her
a jerk is one aspect of feminism that really confuses and disappoints me.