How do you feel about your birth?

[ratrodgrl]

I thought it would be interesting to post this poll because I know that birth doesn't always go the way we planned or hoped. I'm curious if you got the birth you wanted? If you didn't, how do you feel about it?

[ratrodgrl]

and I'll go first! my birth couldn't have gone differently if I'd tried. Hospital bedrest at 32 weeks, hospital birth at 34 weeks, baby in NICU. The only thing I can't complain about is I had a natural vaginal birth. I still get sad remembering my hopes and dreams for my first homebirth; I dreamed about it for a long time even before I got pregnant. I feel like, "You don't get what you want"... hm. Still processing my feelings, not sure if they'll ever change about it. I still thank God every day though that my baby is healthy and well, that is a blessing.

[Catubodua]

i can't say why, but i've believed all along i was going to end up with a c-section. i'll call it mommy intuition.

so, when i was actually progressing toward a vaginal birth, i was surprised, but ok. when things went south suddenly and it ended up being a section after all, i was totally calm and ready.

my bottom line - i have a beautiful baby boy to hold and snuggle and love and have pee on me. how could any part of it be bad when i have such a wonderful little guy sleeping next to me?

[AfricanQueen99]

You need more options... I am a 'it went as planned, but I'm still a little sad about it.'

Remember, I really wanted a home birth and went to the hospital for my husband's peace of mind. I set up my birth plan with my OB with that scenario in mind. I was in my hospital room for 15 minutes before my body started pushing - no time for OB to show up so three nurses and my husband attended. All should be well right? It was until one of the nurses yelled "Angela, you need to push. Baby doesn't like this position!" so I pushed HARD (blew out my vagina and practically ripped my labia completely off). Because I got scared I didn't feel him crown, pull him right on my chest, etc...things I wanted. That one statement mentally changed everything for me. After the birth I asked her what was wrong with his position and she looked at me funny and said "nothing.". I don't think she meant anything hurtful with her statement, but things would be different if it wasn't there.

This is my first mention of this since everybody thinks I had the picture perfect birth.

[Marylizah]

Totally didn't go as planned and I'm struggling with it.

Link to story:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1191205

Obviously I'm happy that we're both alive and healthy, but it was so not how I wanted to give birth.

[NSmomtobe]

I know what you mean. In the end, my birth did not go the way I wanted at all, but I did get a natural vaginal birth and a healthy baby so as far as everyone else is concerned, I had an ideal birth and I am ungrateful if I dare complain. But I was really upset about it for the first 2-3 weeks and I think it affected my bonding with my baby. It helped me to post about it here in the "Healing birth trauma" forum, where I could have my feelings validated. Also, as I am healing physically from the birth, the emotional trauma has lessened, so I was able to indicate that I feel ambivalent about my birth at this time.

[mamakims]

I am beyond happy about how Sophie's birth went! It went exactly as planned but not how I expected (which is good!!) and in fact, I want to do this again because I had such a great experience. The only thing I wish was different was a homebirth but I knew from pretty much the beginning that my m/w wouldn't allow it.

This is a big change from my two previous births where I didn't feel I had a voice in anything that was going on and was not feeling very empowered at all. My last two were induced and I was strapped to a bed and thisclose to having a section because the dr was in a hurry with ds's birth and I felt like I was an inconvenience to the hospital staff I didn't speak up during my stay after my kids were born.

With Sophie I found my voice and was very empowered and it was awesome! The only sucky thing was the hemmorhaging afterwards but I knew that was going to happen.

[NSmomtobe]

Originally Posted by AfricanQueen99

I was in my hospital room for 15 minutes before my body started pushing - no time for OB to show up so three nurses and my husband attended. All should be well right? It was until one of the nurses yelled "Angela, you need to push. Baby doesn't like this position!" so I pushed HARD (blew out my vagina and practically ripped my labia completely off). Because I got scared I didn't feel him crown, pull him right on my chest, etc...things I wanted. That one statement mentally changed everything for me. After the birth I asked her what was wrong with his position and she looked at me funny and said "nothing.". I don't think she meant anything hurtful with her statement, but things would be different if it wasn't there.

Oh, this is what happened to me! The nurse made me rush to push, and push harder, while I wanted to a) follow my body's natural instincts and b) wait for my trusted doctor to get there. But she made me push as if the baby was in distress until he actually was in distress. As a result, I ended up with tears up both sides of my vagina and into the labia. Avoiding tearing was one of the main goals I had set with my doctor and she had promised to help me control the rate of delivery to reduce tearing as much as possible.

My doctor got there 3 minutes too late, just as the on-call doctor was yanking out the placenta (which my doctor had promised to let come out on its own) and spent 90 minutes stitching me up before I was able to hold and feed the baby. My doctor's first statement upon seeing me was, "That baby must have shot out like a rocket."

[seaheroine]

Originally Posted by AfricanQueen99

You need more options... I am a 'it went as planned, but I'm still a little sad about it.'

Yeah, I need the "Went as Planned, Happy About It BUT Am Shell-Shocked By the Speed, Intensity and Pain" option. I happily had by second homebirth with no complications but WOW, 1hr 24minutes of what seemed like only transition was not what I expected at all. The pain was unreal and has seriously made me reconsider whether I want any more babies...well, that and this new day-to-day with a 2yo and a newborn. Holy schnikes!

BUT, overall happy with how it went for sure.

[Sharlla]

It was absolutely amazing and went exactly as planned. If even happened as fast as I said it would. (my other 2 were 4 hours so I figured it would be 4 hours or less and it was)

While at lowes buying an attachment for my water hose I went to the bathroom and noticed I was spotting. I told DH that it was time and called work to let them know I wouldn't be in the next day. I knew it would be awhile so we went to WM to get some things and to kill time. We came home and blew up and filled up the pool. I ate some and sat on my exercise ball because by then I was really feeling the contractions and sitting there made me feel more comfortable. My best friend arrived and we hung out and waited until I wanted to get in the tub. We lit the candles, put on the music and DH and I got in the tub. My BF took lots of pictures. I labored in the pool for about an hour before I felt the urge to push. I pushed gently with each contraction. I was on my knees and I was hugging DH who was sitting right in front of me. The baby came out and I pulled her out of the water. She instantly started crying and I put her to my breast and was so happy to see I had given birth to a girl (I thought I would, just had that feeling but I was still on the green team) We sat in the tub until the cord stopped pulsing then we cut it. DH took the baby while I got in the shower, there I delivered the placenta and my BF took it and put it in the fridge. I sat on the couch and nursed the baby while they took care of emptying and cleaning out the birth tub.

I couldn't have asked for a better first home birth. It was soooooo much better than being in a hospital. Most of my family were nay sayers so I made sure to call everyone to let them know that everything went smoothly and that I had a girl.

[Happiestever]

Yes more options....I am happy but would have loved to not bleed so much and thought that all the supplements I was taking would have helped. Or that all the time I spent not reclining and sitting on a birth ball would have made this baby come out in a more ideal presentation thus making pushing easier. But I was prepared for both situations. It's more of me wanting things to have gone smoother. I know things could have been much worse. And for that I am very very thankful.

[jtrt]

You all know my story. From start to finish, it was a struggle to get Edelweiss into my arms. Her birth was a train wreck. A nurse is STILL packing my c-section wound 7 weeks later. My marriage has been impacted.

But I am ambivalent about her birth. I received good care from my midwife, the OB and the hospital staff. No one missed anything or screwed up or misled or abandoned or coerced me. For reasons I may never understand, this is how she needed to arrive.

I am learning a lot about myself as I process my journey. Most importantly, I am less arrogant. I will never again mentally poke holes in other women's birth stories. I will listen and not judge. I always thought saying, "You got a healthy baby and that is what matters most" was a cop-out.

I got my healthy baby. It's not all that matters. But it's enough for me now.

Amy

[Magistra]

jtrt-

My first delivery had elements of "we have no idea why there was this or that problem'--not nearly as bad as yours, but things that still nag at me. For this one, I balanced "just a fluke" with "might happen again." In the end I went with more interventions than I would have otherwise, but I at least felt more in control this time and that I made the best choices I could (instead of rushed and scared). It makes a big difference in my mindset a few days out now.

[ratrodgrl]

you guys are right; sometimes the birth technically goes according to plan but things can happen after that color your experience. I didn't think of that as an option, which is silly because that's how my 1st birth was! Angela, I know what you mean, feeling like you can't complain because it all went 'well'. I have a healthy baby, an easy recovery, what's to complain about? But I did have some shattered dreams, and I felt betrayed by my body. I want to keep talking about it and not just shut up b/c things went "well enough".

Amy, tons of love your way, hon. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. Keep talking and letting us know how you are. I know it doesn't change anything but it is part of the process, taking each day as it comes.

I was really curious to see out of our DDC, who had things work out just peachy, because I tend to remember the things that did NOT go as planned... so I wanted to see what the general #'s were. Wish I could edit the poll...

[AfricanQueen99]

Regina - I've also spent more time focusing on the unpleasant parts of the birth, too. And, honestly, I don't know why. It was the picture perfect pregnancy and (to everybody else) birth. I need to wrap my head around WHY I am doing this. Perhaps it's just me waiting for the PPD to hit again so my mind is gearing up...?

[AfricanQueen99]

Amy - I'm so glad you're here with us. Truly glad.

[Vespertina]

Went as planned as far as the homebirth goes, but no waterbirth. How it went down was totally unexpected. Active labor was all of 15 minutes. In the early weeks I felt sort of cheated out of a beautiful/healing experience I set myself up for. Given my history, I should have had more realistic expectations. It was super crazy fast and took some time to process. Even my midwife and her intern were stunned.

[kitteh]

I tried not to have too many expectations, especially as a first-timer, but I inevitably did have some, and the reality of my birth was nothing like what I had anticipated.

I thought I was well prepared and free from fear, but I was wrong. I realized afterwards that I was nervous about the amount of pain I would feel and once I felt the contractions I think I subconsciously harbored some pretty strong fears of transition, so instead of progressing my body froze out at 8cm dilated for 8 hours. I ended up having pitocin augmentation for 4 hours to push me through transition, and near the end of those 4 hours I was nearly ready to beg for an epidural. It never came to that, thankfully, and I was able to have my baby vaginally after 2 hours of pushing and 28 hours of labor, total.

That said, I'm extremely happy with the way things ended up. My birthing team of the midwife, my mother, and DH were amazingly supportive and stuck it out with me every step of the long journey, and gave me the strength to resist my desire for pain relief. I was able to watch Ela crown in a mirror and reached down to feel her head, which was amazing. The midwife and nurses were great about lubricating and massaging my perineum, which didn't tear. I did have two small inner-labial tears, but they have healed well and recovery has been easy.

My birth didn't go anywhere near the way I had hoped, but I realize that it could have been much worse than it was, and I'm happy and satisfied with my experience.

[Astraia]

My birth experience... well, I don't know. I guess i'd fit into the "everything went as planned and I'm ambivalent about it" category. I guess i thought that if I did it all my way, followed my body's instincts and intuition and spent the pregnancy and labour and delivery really connecting to my baby that things would be incredible, amazing, etc. I didn't get a birth high or feel this amazing connection and bondedness (is that a word?) to my baby. I don't really have any emotions towards it at all. It kinda feels like just another day. You know, go to playgroup, have a baby, go to the IL's for dinner. Just another day. Even now I don't feel an amazing connection to this baby. He's cute and he needs me and I'll do my very best to look after him the best way I know how, but.... eh. I don't know. I don't like to think about how I feel because feeling nothing is bad. I should feel GOOD or BAD. What the hell is this NOTHING? Feeling nothing can't be right.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by AfricanQueen99

You need more options... I am a 'it went as planned, but I'm still a little sad about it.'

Remember, I really wanted a home birth and went to the hospital for my husband's peace of mind. I set up my birth plan with my OB with that scenario in mind. I was in my hospital room for 15 minutes before my body started pushing - no time for OB to show up so three nurses and my husband attended. All should be well right? It was until one of the nurses yelled "Angela, you need to push. Baby doesn't like this position!" so I pushed HARD (blew out my vagina and practically ripped my labia completely off). Because I got scared I didn't feel him crown, pull him right on my chest, etc...things I wanted. That one statement mentally changed everything for me. After the birth I asked her what was wrong with his position and she looked at me funny and said "nothing.". I don't think she meant anything hurtful with her statement, but things would be different if it wasn't there.

This is my first mention of this since everybody thinks I had the picture perfect birth.

Oh Angela, that is so scary and sad. I am sorry.

I guess I fall into the category of having had everything go awry, I am having a hard time with it, but I am also really thankful for the end result. My laboring was amazingly wonderful and peaceful and it was so wonderful to be surrounded by people I loved and be in my home, but then suddenly it was all over and I was in the same place I was four year earlier, I am healed as well as can be for a month post surgery, and my baby is healthy and a great nurser and it's just lovely. If I didn't have the scar to prove it I might be able to forget any of that had happened at all, but I still get sad when I think about it. As you guys may recall, there were a lot of hopes and expectations resting on that birth going as planned and I still feel like a huge failure.