Questioning My Decision

[pcasylum]

I'm hoping someone can shed some light on my situation because I certainly can't seem to. I have 4 kids: 10, 6, 3, and 1. Homeschooling my dd (the 10 yr old) has been a great experience. This year I started my 6 yr old son in 1st grade.

SIGH

He and I have always kind of butted heads - not intentionally, of course, but for some reason we just do. Homeschooling the 2 of them has turned into a great source of stress. My 6 yr old will intentionally hold up the school day to the point where no one gets any attention, the house is falling apart, the 3 yr old is watching tv for hours, and the baby does nothing but cry/cling. And my poor 10 yr old longsuffering dd somehow gets through with her work.

Here is an example:

Today we were reading the Bob Books. The word he stopped at (which he has read a million times before, including on the prior page), was "was." He said "ways." I said "Try the other 'a' sound." He said "I don't remember the other 'a' sound."

I'm not trying to be difficult with him. But I *know* that he knows it. So I said well just let me know when you think of it. After 20 minutes he said "Wouldn't it be funny if the word was "was?"

Bang head here.

This goes on *all* *day* *long.* I don't know what to do. I feel as though his learning is being negatively impacted because we have these little battles. He hasn't progressed past the Bob Books A Level 2, and spelling? Ha! Basic addition/subtraction are ok if he uses his fingers, but only barely. We have those same battles there too.

What am I doing wrong? I sooo believe in and am committed to homeschooling, but I'm starting to wonder if his education is going to suffer because he just *has* to fight with me.

And don't get me started on my level of stress, the 3 yr old not getting enough attention, and the baby crying constantly for attention as well. I want to pull my hair out.

Thanks if you listened this far!!

[skueppers]

Have you considered setting him up with work he needs to complete more independently? Like maybe some kind of online learning? Maybe working with you isn't the most effective learning method for him. I know that for a while, my daughter didn't want anything to do with having ME teach her reading, but she was delighted to spend time playing Reading Eggs on the computer.

A method like this would make it possible for you to give him assignments, but not to have to wait around while he did or didn't do it. Obviously, you'd be available to help him if he wanted help.

[SagMom]

...I'm starting to wonder if his education is going to suffer because he just *has* to fight with me.

A very wise person once pointed out to me that it takes two to have a fight.

You don't have to be part of a struggle. In your example about reading, when he got stuck on a word, why not just tell him what the word is? Even if you believe that he knows it already, what's the harm? Tell him the word and move on.

It is, of course, possible that he's just not ready to sit and read (or do math, or spell, etc.) yet--in which case, it would be less of a battle to let it go and come back to it at some point in the future. These things come much easier when one is ready.

I don't think hsing has to be a struggle--I would see the struggle as a sign that the work he's expected to do is either not appropriate to his style, or to his development. The good news is that he doesn't need to conform -- you can change your approach to fit him.

You can read together, play games that include counting/adding, etc. play word games or do word searches/crosswords, etc. There are loads of ways to learn to read and write do arithmetic, yk?

[pcasylum]

I guess I was feeling stressed about it because at the end of the school year we have to submit test scores to the state, and I'm nervous that he won't make the grade. I have this worry every year but this is the first time that I've actually wondered if we really won't pass. lol

Thank you both for your suggestions! I'm going to read and re-read this thread and employ them. The independent working idea makes sense because he really enjoys reading at the Starfall site. All I want is for him to be the best him he can be. And I like the idea of learning through different methods: games and more fun activities that foster learning.

Food for thought ...

[theretohere]

Is it possible that the materials you are using aren't a good fit? I don't think that I'd be willing to get into power struggles over something like reading- that's a skill that takes a lot of work and that kids need. You don't want it to become something he dreads or doesn't enjoy.
You said that you have testing- at the end of the year for both of them or just the 10 year old? What will the test cover? Can you give him a break, focus on the 10 year old and getting the house under control, and then gently work on the skills that he'll need to pass the end of the year?

[AutumnSunshine]

I also have 4 kids in almost the same spread as you, and MAN do I know about multi-child homeschool stress.

IME, if they are resisting learning something at the moment to the point that it is negatively impacting your life, then drop it for a few weeks to months, then pick it up again in a casual way. We used to have issues like this in particular with math with my oldest. She would suddenly "forget" basic facts like 2-1 and wouldn't be able to progress in the curriculum so we would just take a break. I think somehow they can feel pressure when they are on the brink of progressing to a higher level-- I don't know if it is purely internal pressure/anxiety/whatever or if they sense pressure from us (or maybe a little bit of both)-- and I have ALWAYS found that if we take a break from the subject altogether and then return to it slowly and casually in the beginning, they will suddenly KNOW it and be able to progress faster. It's my "marinate" theory, that sometimes they just have to have time for the information to marinate in their brains for a while before they are ready to really use it and move on.

I would also investigate the possibility of your ds being a visual-spatial learner as well and see if you might need to tweak your approach to learning to read accordingly. I have a 6 yo dd who is visual-spatial and learning to read has been a very slow process for her.

Remember that you've got two babies in the house, so scaling back on your hs'ing schedule altogether and just slowing your lives down and doing more relaxed activities together will work WONDERS. Giving everyone a chance to live in slow motion for a few weeks is refreshing for the mind and the relationships. I know, I have BTDT many times, especially during the past year when I had a 1 yo. My 10 yo is about half a year "behind" in math for example because of it but she will catch up in the summer. No biggie.


HTH!