How long did you wait to tell family/close friends you were adopting?

[ilovemygirl]

I'd really like to wait to tell everyone until we have our homestudy and dossier completed. Did anyone wait this long?
It's not that there would be a negative reaction from anyone but it's almost like the not wanting to say you are pregnant until after the third month. Kind of silly I guess but I can't help feeling this way.
Many, many years ago, before we had dd, we were approached by a birthmom but she had a miscarriage. The we tried to adopt from China but I was too young for their age requirement, you had to be at least 30. We were convinced this was the way to go and it was worth the wait but by the time we were eligible age-wise the rules and requirements changed so much in other ways it became impossible.
It would be very hard to get everyone's hopes up about an adoption and then it somehow not work out again.
Any advice?

[RedOakMomma]

We always told people we wanted to adopt, and that we were planning on adopting, but yeah...we didn't spread it widely that we were in the PROCESS of adopting until we knew we'd qualify.

For us, with South Korea, that was after the initial application process. Once we had that approval (which comes from the US-based agency), we felt we could share the information. That was before the formal application and the homestudy, but with the initial app. we knew we'd most likely be approved.

[onewayoranother]

The first time around we told those, including family, that our licenser would be contacting. Everyone under the sun knew were planning on adopting but only a few knew where were really at in the process. We ended up being sabotaged by my MIL and had to withdraw.

We told everyone we knew after the incident that we were hoping to adopt as we would've gone independant if a birthmom stepped forward. You never know, it could happen, and stranger things have for us.

The second time, a little over a year later, we were already caring for the baby as it was a kinship placement of sorts (really complicated) and that fell through as well.

We decided that we just weren't meant to adopt and through the miracle of science got preggo. We knew we would still like to adopt but would not be able to qualify in the state we were in due to the issue from our first attempt. So, we ran as fast as we could from that state and are back on the wagon.

This time, we've just started telling people, other than references, and our worker has already submitted us for one child.

I totally get what you mean getting peoples hopes up. When our second try fell through it was so hard on everyone because we had the pictures, we bonded and cared for him for weeks. I would say tell you when you feel ready, trust your instinct and let it guide you. Every situation is different.

[tiffani]

Like so many things in life, there are no guarantees in adoption, so tell everyone when you want to tell them. We've been trying to adopt for almost 4 years now, and have been certain we were close to bringing kids home for a lot of that time, but have had different things happen along the way and have had to tell people of our disappointment and devastation more than once. At this point I won't really believe it until we're all home in our big cozy bed together, but I still blab about all the progress and setbacks along the way, because we just need to share it with people. Quite honestly, it took a really long time for my mom to come to terms with us adopting at all, and if it had happened quickly, or we hadn't told her about it until it was a sure thing, she wouldn't have had time to feel comfortable about it before we had them home. I'm sure she would have fallen in love with them as soon as she saw them, but her seeing how hard we have worked to make this happen has been good -- I think she thought we didn't know what we were doing, and was worried about our silly adoption whim ruining our family. So I think if you're at all unsure how people might react, that's something to also take into consideration, either for or against telling people ahead of time. It also depends on how long you want to be asked about your progress -- you really never know how long it will take...

good luck in your journey!

[marsupial-mom]

We had to get 8 references in order to get licensed... So we told close friends and family right away.