do you ever think -- "Oh! Lots of people have a home birth!"

[velveeta]

Sometimes, because I have so many like-minded friends, I get the false perception that LOTS of people HB, and nurse their babies for YEARS and co-sleep and so. I have a few acquaintances who are more mainstream, but I secretly think they are weird.

What about you? Do you ever forget you live in the real world?

[xixstar]

I'm lucky to have found an awesome natural parenting group where I live, so pretty much every family I know follows a similar approach to birth and parenting; though I still find that I still fall on the far end of crunchy somehow, which always surprises me.

ETA: posted too soon.

When out in public or talking with dh's coworkers, I do get surprised at people's reactions to our actions or opinions sometimes, but luckily enough DH is pretty vocal about stuff that he's already broached most topics with his coworkers -- so they're not too surprised.

[elyag]

I know this is completely opposite of the thread but something happened the other day and it gave me a really good feeling. I'm the odd one out amongst my friends, etc. And I live in Houston and it's a VERY medicalized city.

The other day my Mom was telling one of her neighbors about how I was planning a homebirth. She really wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be but her neighbor told her that her daughter had two homebirths.

When my Mom told me this story I was so excited. I keep thinking "There's more out there than I think there are!" I get very excited when I randomly hear about other homebirths like that.

[jdg]

My co-workers and friends tend to be very mainstream, but I've been mildly surprised at the level of acceptance I receive. I'm expecting my first, so I can't swear that I won't do some of the things that they believe I will "cave" to until I've BTDT, but I get no pressure to do anything more mainstream, just occasional statements in those all-knowing voices about how "you'll see"...

Lots of them don't know what sidecarring a crib means, but when I describe it, they all think it's a fantastic idea. Most of them admit that even if they had a separate nursery they certainly brought their babies into bed with them to nurse and just fell back asleep there, so they don't think it strange when I say I don't know if the baby will end up in the crib or in my bed. Only one of my friends homebirthed her own children, but no one says it's strange/dangerous/crazy that I would do so, they just say that they would never do it themselves. A couple think I will regret not having pain meds available. Most of my co-workers just assume I'll be bf-ing and pumping, and I'd probably get lectures if I said I was formula feeding

The part that throws me is the questions I get on a VERY regular basis: "Do you have your nursery set up yet?", "What's your nursery theme?" "Have you bought all those cute little outfits yet?", and of course "Is it a girl or a boy?", etc. I forget just how assumed it is that someone would have a separate nursery, buy lots of outfits instead of hand-me-downs or used, and do an unnecessary ultrasound to find out gender.

[SeekingJoy]

I love the Triangle! It is such a haven for crunchy parents.

It took me a really long time to find a group of MDC women, but now that I have, I totally get what you are saying.

[lisavark]

YES.

I actually have a pretty diverse group of friends in my playgroup, regarding parenting styles, but we're all so respectful of each other that I hardly ever notice only two of us are still nursing our two year olds.

But a lot of my close friends who became pregnant AFTER I did ended up trying things BECAUSE I had. Two of them had homebirths, one is EC'ing, three are CD'ing at least part time, and all are nursing at least past a year. So I kind of created my tribe, I think...

[*MamaJen*]

Totally! I live in a pretty crunchy town and most of my friends are at least relatively crunchy. Almost everyone I know with a baby has used a midwife -- mostly homebirths or birth center births. My best friend is about to have her baby in this awesome hospital-based midwifery practice. My sister had a homebirth, my boss had a homebirth, I can think of about eight friends off the top of my head who homebirthed. Of everyone I know who's given birth in the last three years, probably 80 percent of them used a midwife. Then just about all of them breastfeed and use gentle discipline, most co-sleep at least during infancy, a bunch cloth diaper and babywear. I really live in a bubble.
My ex has some friends who hospital birth/bottlefeed/spank/CIO. Still nice people who love their babies, but they've made different choices. They're about the only ones I know in that spectrum, and it seems really weird and alien to me.

Y'know, I've also developed kind of a homebirth radar -- I find that I often can accurately pick a homebirther out of a crowd.

[Belle]

I'd say about half the moms I know gave birth at home or a FSBC. I don't know anybody who formula fed earlier than 10 months or so. Even my super mainstream SIL who is very anti-homebirth. Most women I know nursed their babies longer than a year.

Even one of my co-workers, who's in her 50's, breastfed her children for 2-3 years each. She told me that she gave birth standing up. Her doctor told her that her baby's head was too big to give birth on her back so had her stand up and birth.

[sunfish21]

I was just telling my mom this last week! Between me and a few of my friends, I know of 6 home births in a two month time frame. It is hard to remember that this is uncommon.

[emnic77]

Originally Posted by jdg

The part that throws me is the questions I get on a VERY regular basis: "Do you have your nursery set up yet?", "What's your nursery theme?" "Have you bought all those cute little outfits yet?", and of course "Is it a girl or a boy?", etc. I forget just how assumed it is that someone would have a separate nursery, buy lots of outfits instead of hand-me-downs or used, and do an unnecessary ultrasound to find out gender.

Yes, this. I get this a lot and people in general are just totally confused when you tell them you're not finding out the sex before the baby is born. Like they just do not get it - "but how will you know what to buy???" It's just a totally foreign concept to them, they don't get how that works.

So far, I think most people I've told that we are homebirthing have been surprisingly non-judgmental (or they are pretending to be because they know I love a good fight ), if not actually supportive.

[claddaghmom]

Yes, but I had a wake up when I read my state's birth statistics. Under 50 people had a homebirth out of 13k births.

[SwanMom]

I tend to think homebirthing is normal, too. My mom homebirthed, my good childhood friend does, my sister does, and several friends at work have homebirthed. Then I talk with other friends/neighbors & I realize how abnormal I really am.

The thing that really shocked me was the breastfeeding. I breastfed my son for 28 months--it didn't seem natural to quit before that. There was never a reason to give him formula or cows milk. I started noticing I was alone at about a year. Then I read the stats about how many babies are still breastfed at 6 months--it was really hard for me to believe--how could you stop breastfeeding such a small baby unless things were really not working & you had a good reason?

My niece just weaned her baby at 2 months. Everything was going fine: she was just ready to be done. I was floored but managed to keep my mouth shut.

[Nicole730]

I don't know anyone else IRL that has had a homebirth, a few birth center births, but not a homebirth. But, everyone I've told has been very supportive. Lots of my mom friends are "crunchy" but still give birth in hospitals. My midwife delivered 4 babies in 8 days just the other week, so I know the homebirthers are out there in my area, I just don't know them.

On another board I am on they were discussing the pros and cons of two different hospitals for giving birth at. And my first thought was: Why does it matter? You probably won't end up there anyway. --- Then I realized that not everyone plans to have their baby at home. Duh. What is even funnier is that I am planning my first homebirth for this baby, DS was born in a hospital. It's weird how quickly homebirth has become the norm for me.

[laughymama]

I think I surround myself and my husband with so much literature and information about homebirth that I forget that around our area, it's practically unheard of. I'm always caught off guard when someone seems surprised so I have to think, "Oh yeah, not everyone is like me..." Reality check. I think it's because I come to MDC so much as well...so I just kind of forget it's not the norm for most people in my area.

I have noticed an interest in it from women I went to school with. One actually made a comment saying she'll have to seek me out when it's time for her to have a family because she's super interested in homebirth and water birth.

I always feel good when I put it out there...even if it does make me the 'weirdy' so far I've gotten positive responses.

[jorona]

I don't know anyone IRL who has homebirthed, it is a lonely feeling now that I've stopped to think about it. The people I'm around all thought I was strange just for thinking about CNMs in a hospital or using a birth center (rather than the typical OB route at the military hospital near where we live). We only recently decided to homebirth so I can imagine the reactions.

[laughingfox]

I totally forget that I'm the weird one, all the time!

People ask me what hospital I'm birthing in, and I blankly stare at them for a minute trying to figure out why they're asking me such a silly question before I remember that hospital birth is "normal".
Then I respond that we're planning a homebirth, and then it's their turn to blankly stare at me for a minute before they can comprehend what I just said and figure out how to respond..

It's the same way with questions people ask me about the nursery (don't have one), which bottles I plan on using (none), what stroller I picked out (none), etc.

I don't know anyone IRL who does things the way I do, but somehow it surprises me every time someone talks about "normal" parenting. It just seems so.. unnatural.

[jdg]

Originally Posted by emnic77

...people in general are just totally confused when you tell them you're not finding out the sex before the baby is born. Like they just do not get it - "but how will you know what to buy???" It's just a totally foreign concept to them, they don't get how that works.

My favorite is the people who respond that they needed to find out the gender because they didn't want all yellow and green stuff. I keep asking them why they couldn't then do red, orange, purple, brown/tan, white/cream, etc. You know, all those *other* colors that still aren't pink or blue.

[akwifeandmomma]

Originally Posted by laughingfox

I totally forget that I'm the weird one, all the time!
.

YES! This is me!

UC, BF for a good long time, cosleep, homeschool, all that "weird" stuff. I forget that it's different than the norm, because it's SO.stinkin'.normal., to me!

[jenneology]

Yes! I have become so accustomed to the crunchy culture that I have to remember that I'm doing something counterculture and not the other way around.

Its just become so normal and makes so much sense to me that I forget that its so foreign to so many others.

[velveeta]

And breastfeeding, too. Every time I read statistical data, I think, "that can't be right." How can they wean their baby at 6 weeks? What do they do when the baby cries? I am genuinely puzzled.

I had I moment of "weirdo epiphany" when my midwife's assistant squirmed when I told her of my placentaphagic plans! You mean a *homebirth midwife* finds me to be extreme? Oh, dear!

But seriously, all things considered, outsiders would never, ever know the "real" me. I don't dress like a hippie or anything. People assume our family is pretty conservative.

I told my neighbor the other day that my younger DS (3) had weaned during pregnancy, but I was optimistic about him starting back up when Baby comes. You could hear the crickets chirp! Honestly, it didn't occur to me until later that it sounded strange to her.