Do we REALLY need to enroll in all the extra activities?

[Phoebe]

I am not a fan of enrolling my kids in everything we can squeeze in. My boys are 3, almost 6 and 1. The older 2 do swimming (because we are getting it free and need to jump on the opportunity and for safety reasons) and a soccer skills class on Saturday mornings (dad is coach/owner of the program so to me this constitutes family time). But I increasingly feel like I am alone in not getting them into gymnastics, piano, soccer league, Tball, etc. I really hate the idea of spending our days scheduled like that. I hear many stories of "this Saturday we have gymnastics then straight to piano then straight to a birthday party". Ack.I listen to my friends/aquaintences and their schedules make me shudder. I just feel like, if you want to learn to do one thing, fine. When you are ready to move on from that one thing then maybe you can try something new. I think the idea for all the scheduled activities is to make they child "well rounded".
Am I really doing a disservice to my sons if I choose to be loose with our free time?

[JL83]

I think there's a happy middle ground.

Growing up I did 1 sport and 1 music type thing each year. I think that's about the limit that we'll have with our kids. Right now my 3yo is in 1 dance class each week. It's 45 minutes on Tuesday mornings. The rest of our time is ours.

I can see maybe letting her do 1 more thing (she really wants to take a gymnastics class too).

I don't think we'll ever get into the activity every day kind of schedule.

[bluets]

I'm with you on that concern... having been an over-scheduled child myself. My public school teacher mother was queen of carpools and then later, my sister and I navigated the city bus routes. I'm not as outgoing as my mother and would have a hard time chatting to create carpools.

dh grew up in rural WV and didn't really have access to anything, except football in preteen years - an activity he despised. (We're not sports fans at all) On the other hand, he would have loved to have some opportunities, just not sports.

Besides the (over?) scheduling, I view weekends as family time - dh and I both WOH, albeit with flexible work schedules (though work does come home, sadly). Moreover, we are a one-car family and we live just far enough on the outskirts of town that public transit is a PITA... so if we ever do get into activities (my ds is just 5 and still in preschool), logistics will be a nightmare.

From what my sister says (her 2 kids are in 2? activities each), it begins to add up financially as well.

I can obviously see some advantages but I'm still puzzling if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

[One_Girl]

My dd has several activities that she does. A few I have had her do to try them out, but usually she does them because she loves them. I don't think kids should have to get over one activity in order to do another one, I think they should be able to improve in as many activities as they are interested in as long as there is money to pay for those activities without hurting finances and the child is having fun most of the time. Many adults have interest in many activities that they have developed skills in over time. I don't think that it is bad for family's to choose not to put their kids in activities. I assume that every family has their reasons. I don't think that family time is hurt when family members have extracurricular interests or that parents are over scheduling their kids if they do many things on one day. You can have a lot of family time and still allow each family member to pursue their own interests, and overscheduling is different for each family. One activity may be the limit for one family while another can easily do three or four.

[MJB]

Last year, my 7yo was homeschooled so I let him do a lot of activities-- at one point he was doing swimming, soccer, and gymnastics (each 1x/week). This year both my kids are in school, so we're limiting them to one activity at a time (although most sports my 7yo does are twice a week with a practice and a game).
School eats up a lot of family time and I think it is wise to limit their activities to once or twice a week. For homeschoolers or children who aren't in school yet, depending on their personality I think it's okay to put them in more activities.

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by MJB

Last year, my 7yo was homeschooled so I let him do a lot of activities-- at one point he was doing swimming, soccer, and gymnastics (each 1x/week). This year both my kids are in school, so we're limiting them to one activity at a time (although most sports my 7yo does are twice a week with a practice and a game).
School eats up a lot of family time and I think it is wise to limit their activities to once or twice a week. For homeschoolers or children who aren't in school yet, depending on their personality I think it's okay to put them in more activities.

I am thinking of homeschooling next year and I know that my attitude will change, at least toward weekday activities.

[Wolfcat]

Originally Posted by Phoebe

Am I really doing a disservice to my sons if I choose to be loose with our free time?

Actually, psychologists are now saying that unstructured play time is absolutely necessary for developing the imagination, creativity and confidence to be an effective problem solver...

[daytripper75]

Heck no! I don't think it would be right to keep them from trying something that they're interested in that is in the budget but doing stuff just to do stuff is not for us!

[philomom]

My kids have never done more than two activities at a time. I have strong commitment to eating around the dinner table as a family... not in the car out of a paper sack.

[LynnS6]

We don't do more than 2 activities at a time. Right now ds does the afterschool program at school 2x a week, and we're adding baseball. (That might preclude him from doing the afterschool stuff, depending on when practices are.)

Dd does piano and one sport. She wants to try tee-ball this spring. I'm fine with that.

We have Sunday School on Sundays.

More than that would drive us batty. I WOH, and we need time at home together to just hang out. I'm enjoying the Olympics because we get to snuggle on the couch and chat while we watch.

[bugginsmom]

We very much limit our structured activities in favor of childhood. We usually only do one, activity at a time, if it is weekly. Right now has a nature club he belongs to that meets one Saturday a month and storytime once a week and that works for us. I am not a big fan of overscheduling children and definitely follow my son's interests. If he were to ask for something, sure we would look into it and see how to best meet his interest, but often times that doesn't take a formal class. I think one of my son's teachers said it best a couple weeks back at an ice skating field trip..."look at all those children (first time 4yo skaters) learning how to skate the old fashion way....just by doing." She went on to comment how so often we worry about enrolling our child in lessons for everything to teach them skills, when in fact the skills can be taught just by experiencing it. Sure, you can do lessons later to improve skill, but learning by trial and error sure does make sense.

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by philomom

My kids have never done more than two activities at a time. I have strong commitment to eating around the dinner table as a family... not in the car out of a paper sack.

That's a BIG part of my concern as well.

[Smithie]

Phoebe, my kids are about the same age as yours, and while we've TRIED variety of activities and I don't regret that, the strong message I'm getting from my 5.5 y.o. and my 3.5 y.o. is that they want to be left the heck alone to play. The younger one just quit preschool, after two happy years in the program. They just. aren't. interested. in going out of the house to hang out with strangers most days.

Right now, they are taking a weekly class at the local children's theater -it's low-pressure and they can do it together. They have Hebrew school about 3 Sundays a month, and I've promised we can try ballet lessons when the preschool dropout turns 4. My 5.5 y.o. is homeschooled, and there are always playgroups and homeschool classes at the zoo and the science center etc., but I wouldn't be surprised if they glide along for a couple of years before they are ready to try something like a sport where there are multiple meetings per week.

So... our lifestyle just got a lot cheaper without that preschool bill, and I
am feeling no guilt about it whatsoever and have no plans to sign anybody up for T-Ball.

[choli]

I can't imagine enrolling a 3 yr old in any kind of structured "activity". My kids are teens now, and they do participate in some sport and drama. But when they were little kids, we just lived life as we pleased, letting the kids be kids.

[dbsam]

My children are 5.5 and are enrolled in only one activity - a nature based explorers’ class 1x/week that started this past fall. I am pulling my daughter out because even that is too much for her; she prefers to play after school. My children occasionally express an interest in something but would rather stay home and play when given the choice. I sometimes question their lack of involvement when I see others around me in so much or when other mothers are appalled that my children have never played soccer. (e.g. I am told they will be behind if they ever decide to play.) But I think I am doing what is best for our family. I’ve considered home schooling; one benefit as mentioned by a pp is the ability to be involved in more activities w/out over-scheduling our lives.

[MelW]

My four year old is in preschool. We don't do anything else scheduled. Even that feels like too much somtimes, though I appreciate the break and she loves her teacher. Maybe we will do some more "activities" if we homeschool for kindergarten, which is still under discussion....

I agree that LOTS of unstructured time to play is essential for learning, imagination, and development at the preschool age. We spend a lot of time outside in the woods/park/playground/garden/beach, especially in the summer. In the winter we seek out some drop-ins and the library, though my kids prefer the less structured drop-ins, to the ones that do more formal story/song/activity stuff.

I like my MIL's suggestion- give them unstructured time while they're little, and "schedule them like crazy" when they're teens and want to stay home and play videogames. It worked pretty well for her kids, so I think I'll take her advice.

[Hoopin' Mama]

I have a rule of one activity at a time. Right now it's soccer. Then gymnastics and swim lessons.

[HappyMommy2]

My plan is one activity at a time, per child. I agree with dinnertime together, and unscheduled play time.

[Alyantavid]

We try to limit it to one activity at a time per kid. Sometimes they'll over lap (t-ball and golf for instance) but it usually works. Between dh in school and working and me working full time, it's just too much with more activities going on.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by choli

I can't imagine enrolling a 3 yr old in any kind of structured "activity". My kids are teens now, and they do participate in some sport and drama. But when they were little kids, we just lived life as we pleased, letting the kids be kids.

Some kids get bored.

My DD is 3. We do spend the entire day at home sometimes and it's always a disaster. It doesn't matter how much stuff we do (like baking, cooking, crafts, games) we both lose our minds if we don't get out of the house.

So having a fun structured activity in the morning means that we have to leave the house and go do something. It really sets our day up to be a success. We also meet other kids and make friends at these things. And that turns into playdates and other things.

It's easy to decide not to go to a drop in type activity. It's easy to decide that it's too much work to go to the zoo or science center. But, for someone like me, if I've paid for it and someone's expecting us, we go.

I think it's worth remembering that kids are different. We certainly have friends who's kids are happy to spend all day at home. Mine isn't. So we do things.