If you're single and preg. should the father be helping you with money?

[missmich]

I'm just curious. If you are pregnant and no longer with the father to be,should he be helping you put now with a little money for the extra expenses that come up during pregnancy? I mean you will be eating more and may need special sorts of food and of course the prenatal vitamins. Of course you'll also be getting a lot of baby things before the baby arrives as well not to mention maternity clothes for yourself. So should the father to be start making a contribution now or not until after the baby arrives?

[sunfish21]

Sorry that I don't know--and I am not familiar with Canada....but I would think you will need a court order to make that happen. Until a paternity test can be done I would guess you might have trouble forcing the issue. Of course, if he is a good guy maybe he will volunteer?

[missmich]

hahahaha! Nope not this guy! He has all ready told me I am "bad and crazy" and not possibly be pregnant with his baby and told me stories of how is x only wants money money money after she had their baby, so I can just imagine what he will say about me when he gets the news and I start to ask for money. So I won't do that myself...until the baby is born and a test is done. I know he will insist on this!

I'm just wondering opinions right now really rather then what the law says. I'm still not %100 sure there is baby for me. I hope to know Monday!

[feminist~mama]

Honestly, I wouldn't expect any $$ for *a while*. It took almost a year to start getting child support for my DD. I hope you have better luck!

[missmich]

Thanks! I'm on welfare so think that they will go after him for me if he doesn't give me anything.

[monkey'smom]

if you are on social assistance, they will go after the father. After your child is born. He has the right to request a paternity test, but something makes me believe that he has to pay for it ( I could be wrong about it though). However, I do know if the child is not his, they reimburse him ( I'm not saying you're wrong about the father, that's just what makes me think he has to pay for the test).


There are prenatal benefits for low income mothers, which is about 90$ a month. That is meant to cover things such as better food and prenatal vitamins. Ask your case worker about it.

And, just as a heads up, if you are on assistance and receiving child support, you do not get that on top of assistance. He pays it to the province, and that goes toward your assistance cheque. Some provinces allow you to keep some of it as your allowable income ( which in most provinces is 200$). Some don't, mine doesn't. But, anything on top of an assistance cheque is a huge help, and it get's things in the works so that when you are off assistance, he is already responsible for paying support. For example, I was on assistance when my boy was an infant. My son's father was ordered to pay support. An assistance cheque for mother and babe in NB is 725$. So, had they been able to track down him down, and say for example he had paid 150$ a month, I would have still received a cheque for 725$, 150$ of which was provided by him to the province. I guess it's good in the sense that if even if he doesn't pay, you still get the same amount to live off of every month. And, your case worker WILL want all of his contact information, and you have to sign a legal affidavit saying that you are providing with as much knowledge possible for them to get in contact with him. I've seen mothers try to do under the table child support and then have to repay the province.

Most provinces also have a one time cheque that is intended for buying things for baby like a crib, or to get set up in an apartment, whatever you or they deem necessary to provide a suitable home for you and babe. However, that doesn't come until much closer to the child's birth, and, your case worker will work out the amount, and most provinces require receipts of purchase. And they do follow up, and they have the right to deduct money off future cheques to reimburse them if they do not feel the money was spent as allotted.

[SoulCakes]

Just answering the *should* part of the question, and not the legal aspects: yes and no. If I were pregnant and no longer with the father, I wouldn't ask for help with nutritional stuff: food, vitamins, etc., or with maternity clothes for myself. What I would expect is help with preparing for the baby - help purchasing a crib, for instance, or help putting it together, baby clothes, and any other baby gear we might need. Of course I wouldn't expect him to pay for *all* of it, but I'd probably say things like, "Can you pick up a few onesies?" or "This is the crib I want, I was thinking we could split it, what do you think?" Giving the father the chance to help out with the baby, especially when he can't do all the midnight food runs and take care of you in other ways throughout pregnancy, gives him a chance to feel needed and useful, and can help him feel like a dad. Men seem to like being useful.

This is complicated if there's bad blood between you or if he doubts the child is his, but in general, that's how I'd try to handle the situation, at least.

[Learning_Mum]

OK, so maternity care in NZ is free, so I wouldn't expect that much from him. However I think that the father to be *should* help with anything that is baby related. I wouldn't expect money for food or clothes (unless I didn't actually have enough to eat) but I would expect help with clothes for the baby, nappies, bedding, strollers, all the kind of stuff that you typically buy when pregnant, for the baby.

[missmich]

Tomorrow I should know the results and if I am then I have a lot do. I need to have the doc sign a paper saying I'm pregnant and take that to worker in order to get my benefits adjusted to get a little more for food. There is also another program for low income mothers that provide an egg,glass of orange juice and some milk each day of your pregnancy. LOL I have no idea how this works and I can't imagine them bringing me this each morning for breakfast in bed,but maybe mothers to be in Quebec are spoiled this way? Don't worry I'm kidding. I'm sure they don't do it this way

My situation is complicated. I mean the father to be and I we don't even share a language so explaining what I need,want, expect etc... will be harder then what most women will have to go through. Luckily I have a few friends who speak Spanish and one is more then willing to help me and even call him and explain things.

I all ready know he will not believe me that the baby is his as he thinks it is impossible to have gotten me pregnant. He also told me he does not believe me. I told him that if I'm pregnant he can do a pat. test after the baby is born. I may consider while pregnant,but from what I know it's risky so I need more info about that first.

He has a daughter now who is about 11 months. He didn't believe she was his either and got a court order for a pat. test. I have no idea what the result was or if they got the test actually. All I do know for sure is that a few weeks ago when I told him I might be pregnant he said he is about to marry the mother of his daughter. It was quite a surprise to hear considering we'd only been broken up for about 2 weeks and he had noting but bad things to say about her in the time that I knew him. It isn't my business so all I could do was wish him the best and say I'll call him if I'm pregnant.

I'd love to have him offer to send me a little money during the pregnancy with a nice little note saying to spend it on a crib or whatever I felt I needed or if he offered to send some hand me downs from his daughter. I don't think this is going to happen though. I'm thinking I won't get anything until he is sure the baby is his.

It would be great if wellie could give me a one time check to help me set up a "nursery" for the baby. I do plan on getting what I can gently used to save money and the environment. I'm pretty sure wellie will be fine with that. I'll save receipts to show them what I've bought second hand since I'll probably start to by things before they give the check.

My medical care and even a midwife if that's what I choose is probably covered here by medicare.

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by missmich

Tomorrow I should know the results and if I am then I have a lot do. I need to have the doc sign a paper saying I'm pregnant and take that to worker in order to get my benefits adjusted to get a little more for food. There is also another program for low income mothers that provide an egg,glass of orange juice and some milk each day of your pregnancy. LOL I have no idea how this works and I can't imagine them bringing me this each morning for breakfast in bed,but maybe mothers to be in Quebec are spoiled this way? Don't worry I'm kidding. I'm sure they don't do it this way

That sounds really nice! It probably works the way WIC works here. They give you a voucher to buy the supplies. A dozen eggs, gallon of milk and juice, etc.

[missmich]

The nurse called me to day and she's arranged for another nurse from the OLO program to give me a call!

[meemee]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :

[Theia]

IDK what the OLO program is, but based on the previous posters response, Congratulations? So you are pregnant?

If so, then I would think hard about wanting the father of this child to pay for anything. Is he someone that you want in your childs life, in your life for the next 18 years? It is hard to be a single parent with no support from the father of the child. I know. But, in some cases, it is better for the child to not have the father in the childs life. Money is the worst reason to have a parent in a childs life. I know many won't agree with this. And that is fine. There is no amount of money that would be worth me having to include DD's father in her life. If this person is going to reject the child as his own then maybe it is better to not involve him in the childs life in the first place. I'm not advocating that men should not ever be held responsible for their role in the creation of a new life. But we as women should be just as responsible. If we sleep with a man that doesn't love us, that isn't ready to take on the role of father should and "oops" happens, then we need to be willing to do what is best for the child. A father that rejects a child is not in the best interests of the child. A stable man that will love a child even if he never loved the mother is a different story. So what kind of man is this childs father?

I just urge caution in seeking monetary assistance from this guy. I read your previous posts about this relationship, and it doesn't sound stable or like something that would be wise to expose your child to just for the sake of money. A way to get by, and even get by quite well I might add, can be found without any assistance from the father of the child. Be sure that you are honest with yourself about your motives in any interaction you have with this man.

[missmich]

Yes,I found out this morning from the nurse that I'm pregnant! Thank you! The OLO program is something in Quebec that helps you have an egg,glass of orange juice and a liter of milk a day during your pregnancy.


I had some answers about the father but I just don't feel like answering now. I don't know him well,but I really don't think that is a valid reason for me not to let him know that he is about the father of my baby. My parents hated one another and my mother lied to one sister about her who father was and the other sister hardly ever see's her father. It's all pretty messed up the way my mother did things and I'm all ready way to afraid of doing that in many other ways. At least with the father issue I can choose to be honest about who he is and try and have a good friendship with him. To me that's very important.

I don't think that he'd be a danger to me or the baby and for my babies sake I do want him in my life and I hope that we can become friends. I need him and I need his family for my baby. I don't have much at all in some ways to give my baby so I need him and his family to give my baby their culture and language. I can not give no matter how much I try. He's from Peru and has a different language,culture and foods that I want my baby to have.

This isn't an ideal situation for me,but I'm in it and I have to do what will feel best for me and my baby now. Things are going to get complicated with him soon and I dread it! I'm just lucky that I have a friend who offered to help me with communicating with him since we do not share a language. I can have polite conversation in Spanish and ask a few important things and throw in some French words here and there and use the translation thing on the net to talk to him,but that won't work for our next conversation.

[Theia]

Originally Posted by missmich

Yes,I found out this morning from the nurse that I'm pregnant! Thank you! The OLO program is something in Quebec that helps you have an egg,glass of orange juice and a liter of milk a day during your pregnancy.

Congratulations then.


I had some answers about the father but I just don't feel like answering now. I don't know him well,but I really don't think that is a valid reason for me not to let him know that he is about the father of my baby. My parents hated one another and my mother lied to one sister about her who father was and the other sister hardly ever see's her father. It's all pretty messed up the way my mother did things and I'm all ready way to afraid of doing that in many other ways. At least with the father issue I can choose to be honest about who he is and try and have a good friendship with him. To me that's very important.

I am sorry you had to experience that. It doesn't have to be like that if a parent and child are kept out of each others lives. I will be honest with DD about her father, and my relationship with him as is age appropriate. But because in my case there are safety concerns for both of us, I won't support her having a personal relationship with him until she is much older. So just do the best you can do given the circumstances.


I don't think that he'd be a danger to me or the baby and for my babies sake I do want him in my life and I hope that we can become friends. I need him and I need his family for my baby. I don't have much at all in some ways to give my baby so I need him and his family to give my baby their culture and language. I can not give no matter how much I try. He's from Peru and has a different language,culture and foods that I want my baby to have.

I have the same thing with my DD's father. Different countries, cultures and languages that I am not equipped to give her the same sort of experience that she would have had with her father still actively in her life. It makes me sad. But as she gets older, I am still going to incorporate things from his culture into her life so she won't miss out completely. I don't ever want her to feel that part of her ethnicity was ever ignored by me.


This isn't an ideal situation for me,but I'm in it and I have to do what will feel best for me and my baby now. Things are going to get complicated with him soon and I dread it! I'm just lucky that I have a friend who offered to help me with communicating with him since we do not share a language. I can have polite conversation in Spanish and ask a few important things and throw in some French words here and there and use the translation thing on the net to talk to him,but that won't work for our next conversation.

Good luck with that conversation.

[RockStarMom]

Yes, he should be helping, and here I believe you can start receiving child support while pregnant.
Good luck with everything! I was/am in the same boat you are.

[Satori]

In theory it would be nice if he helped but its doubtful and baby/pregnancy stuff is pretty easy to come by. Its not like you need a ton of stuff. I mean really, bouncy seat, car seat and baby carrier (LOVED my Mei Tai for the baby baby stage) then clothes and diapers is about all you need The rest is just fluff that takes up space

[missmich]

I think it would be great if he offered to give me a little extra cash for some food that I want/crave that will cost extra and I wish that he would buy me a Snoogle! I really,really want one. lol It is not at the top of my NEEDS list though/ LOL if our situation was different he may offer to pitch in for groceries or the baby gear that I'm going to start to collect. It's all complicated though and he doesn't even believe the baby is his so I don't expect anything at all until after baby arrives.

I was posting this more to see opinions from different mamas.

Oh yeah and baby stuff is pretty easy to come across for free. I just joined freecycle again and all ready have an offer of a small bag of clothes for baby newborn to 3 months and a baby swing and that mama is going to look through her baby stuff and says she might have a crib for me!!! I offered her a bookshelf that needs to go and she was pretty happy about that. The woman I was going to adopt a dog from has offered me some baby stuff as well,so that kinda stuff I probably won't need to much help from the papi for.