I'm sure once I type this out, I'll know what I need to do. I guess I'm just looking for support or other possible alternatives. Sorry in advance because this is really long.
We currently cosleep with our 2.5 year old and 2 month old sons. Some background about DS1... he still nurses day and night and is very attached to nursing. I had a really hard time with nightnursing when I was pregnant and thought I *had* to nightwean him with the baby coming, but it ended up not happening. He just wasn't ready. We even tried the Dr. Sears crying-in-dad's-arms approach and he cried hysterically for an hour and a half, with no end in sight, before we finally gave up (and I feel guilty every day for not giving up sooner). Oddly enough, DH can get him to sleep if I'm not here, but if I'm in the house, it's got to be me. Now that I'm not pregnant anymore, I actually would have no problem nightnursing DS1 because I'm able to do so comfortably and without fully waking. However, since I'm also nursing DS2 at night, I've been having a really hard time. Basically, I sleep between them and fall asleep nursing one, and when the other wakes I roll over to him. But when I roll over, it usually wakes up the first kid too and so I'm constantly battling going back and forth. I can nurse them both at once if I lay on my back and let each sleep in my armpit/shoulder, but I have to prop the baby up on pillows and need DH to help me set everyone up, and eventually one of my arms falls asleep from the weight of the child lying on it.
When DS2 was first born, we had a pretty good system. DH slept in our room with DS1, and I would sleep in the guest room with DS2. If DS1 needed to nurse at night, DH would bring him to me. He would then either carry him back to our room when he was done, or if we fell asleep like that, DH would just listen on the intercom and if he heard either boy wake up, he would come get whichever one didn't need me at the moment (or carry DS1 back to our room). It got to a point where DS1 would usually only come to me to nurse once during the night, and once in the early morning at which point he'd stay in bed with me until he was ready to get up for the day. Even though this system worked, my problem with it was that it felt so temporary. I hated sleeping in the guest room in my own house. Our intention was that once DS2 was no longer waking up crying at night (since newborns sometimes wake up and need to be walked/rocked, etc.) and would nurse right back to sleep, we'd come back to the family bed. And now we have - he does pretty much only wake to nurse at night now and if he does wake crying, I get him out of the room as quickly as possible so as to not wake DS1. But with me in the room/bed, DS1 is waking much more again.
In our room we have a queen mattress on the floor and a twin beside it. I put DS1 to sleep on the twin, and then when we go to bed DH sleeps between us, with the baby on the end. When DS1 wakes to nurse, DH switches spots with him for the rest of the night. I thought having him on the twin and DH between us would make it more like I wasn't there, so he wouldn't wake as much, but he knows better.
So, I really think the right solution would be to put DS1 in his own room. We can use an intercom and DH can bring him to me to nurse and then bring him back to his room when needed, and sleep in there with him if needed. Basically, the reverse of what we were doing when the baby was first born. I don't think DS1 will suffer at all because we'll still tend to him right away when he wakes and DH will sleep with him if he needs to, and he'll probably still sleep with me part of the night or early morning anyway. My problem is that I don't feel ready to stop sleeping with him. I adore snuggling with him at night, and keeping him close, and it makes me sad to think about not sleeping with him anymore. But I also want to be fair to DS2, and to myself because I'm sooooooo sleep deprived with our current setup (and I've known many different levels of sleep deprivation over the past few years). It makes me sad because even though my heart wants to continue cosleeping with him, my head knows the right decision to get everyone the most sleep would be to stop.
If anyone has any ideas for possible alternatives I'd love to hear them. Otherwise, just support and reassurance would be great. Thanks in advance for any replies.
We currently cosleep with our 2.5 year old and 2 month old sons. Some background about DS1... he still nurses day and night and is very attached to nursing. I had a really hard time with nightnursing when I was pregnant and thought I *had* to nightwean him with the baby coming, but it ended up not happening. He just wasn't ready. We even tried the Dr. Sears crying-in-dad's-arms approach and he cried hysterically for an hour and a half, with no end in sight, before we finally gave up (and I feel guilty every day for not giving up sooner). Oddly enough, DH can get him to sleep if I'm not here, but if I'm in the house, it's got to be me. Now that I'm not pregnant anymore, I actually would have no problem nightnursing DS1 because I'm able to do so comfortably and without fully waking. However, since I'm also nursing DS2 at night, I've been having a really hard time. Basically, I sleep between them and fall asleep nursing one, and when the other wakes I roll over to him. But when I roll over, it usually wakes up the first kid too and so I'm constantly battling going back and forth. I can nurse them both at once if I lay on my back and let each sleep in my armpit/shoulder, but I have to prop the baby up on pillows and need DH to help me set everyone up, and eventually one of my arms falls asleep from the weight of the child lying on it.
When DS2 was first born, we had a pretty good system. DH slept in our room with DS1, and I would sleep in the guest room with DS2. If DS1 needed to nurse at night, DH would bring him to me. He would then either carry him back to our room when he was done, or if we fell asleep like that, DH would just listen on the intercom and if he heard either boy wake up, he would come get whichever one didn't need me at the moment (or carry DS1 back to our room). It got to a point where DS1 would usually only come to me to nurse once during the night, and once in the early morning at which point he'd stay in bed with me until he was ready to get up for the day. Even though this system worked, my problem with it was that it felt so temporary. I hated sleeping in the guest room in my own house. Our intention was that once DS2 was no longer waking up crying at night (since newborns sometimes wake up and need to be walked/rocked, etc.) and would nurse right back to sleep, we'd come back to the family bed. And now we have - he does pretty much only wake to nurse at night now and if he does wake crying, I get him out of the room as quickly as possible so as to not wake DS1. But with me in the room/bed, DS1 is waking much more again.
In our room we have a queen mattress on the floor and a twin beside it. I put DS1 to sleep on the twin, and then when we go to bed DH sleeps between us, with the baby on the end. When DS1 wakes to nurse, DH switches spots with him for the rest of the night. I thought having him on the twin and DH between us would make it more like I wasn't there, so he wouldn't wake as much, but he knows better.
So, I really think the right solution would be to put DS1 in his own room. We can use an intercom and DH can bring him to me to nurse and then bring him back to his room when needed, and sleep in there with him if needed. Basically, the reverse of what we were doing when the baby was first born. I don't think DS1 will suffer at all because we'll still tend to him right away when he wakes and DH will sleep with him if he needs to, and he'll probably still sleep with me part of the night or early morning anyway. My problem is that I don't feel ready to stop sleeping with him. I adore snuggling with him at night, and keeping him close, and it makes me sad to think about not sleeping with him anymore. But I also want to be fair to DS2, and to myself because I'm sooooooo sleep deprived with our current setup (and I've known many different levels of sleep deprivation over the past few years). It makes me sad because even though my heart wants to continue cosleeping with him, my head knows the right decision to get everyone the most sleep would be to stop.
If anyone has any ideas for possible alternatives I'd love to hear them. Otherwise, just support and reassurance would be great. Thanks in advance for any replies.
