does anyone love tandem nursing?

[lisavark]

DD is almost two and we are tentatively TTC (which, if past experience is any indication, means that I'm probably pregnant already). I would REALLY like to nightwean her (uh, how do you nurse two kids at night? I just can't even fathom!), but she is nowhere near ready to wean entirely. Honestly, I really don't want to wean her entirely. But I also really, really, really don't want to tandem nurse. I've heard so many horror stories about people having waves of revulsion and anger when their toddler is nursing, and it seems like it's not what we are biologically programmed to expect, which has always been my criteria for everything in parenting. I know that if that's really my criteria, we would wait to TTC, which would probably be my preference, but DH really wants to have another child sooner rather than later. Honestly, I'm really torn on the whole issue--part of me wants to just wait till DD is ready to wean to have another child, but another part of me would like to get this baby stuff over with in, I dunno, five or six years rather than ten. I'm almost 35 and I want to go back to work once my kids are weaned, and if I nurse two kids till they're five and wait till each is done to have another, then I'm looking at staying home WAY longer than I want to. And having a third kid would just not be an option at that point.

Ack. Maybe I should be posting this in family planning. But my real question is about nursing, because that's my big hangup in this whole issue. I've accepted the fact that it's not biologically normal, but I also have WAY more nutrition available to me than is historically normal (hey, maybe tandeming could help me finally lose this baby weight!) and so I'm starting to feel open to the possibility. What would really help me is to hear some stories of mamas who truly love tandeming. Like, mamas who NEVER had those feelings of disgust toward their toddler. Earth mamas who never felt anything but waves of love and happiness and rainbows when tandeming. Maybe if there are some mamas out there with stories like that, I could find the guts to try it myself and believe that I'd be one of them...

So...did anybody love tandeming from day one? Or at least not ever hate it?

[pbjmama]

I really really really didn't want to tandem. I kept thinking that my ds would wean and I was working on gentle MLW with him. I was about 6 weeks from my due date when I realized I should start to prepare myself for tandem nursing. I never felt disgust or creepy crawly or anything like that nursing while pregnant. I didn't have any problems nursing him once my dd was born, in fact it was very helpful because I had overactive let down and plugged ducts. Nothing can suck out a plugged duct like a toddler! A baby may not cooperate but toddlers usually love their milk and will nurse when offered.

Eventually I did feel that nursing him was unpleasant but I don't think it was related to tandem nursing. I choose to wean him at 3.5 years. My dd was 16 months when I weaned him and I'm still nursing her, she is almost 2 now.

[detroitgirl77]

I tandem nursed from the start, although when I was 8 1/2 months preggo, I nightweaned my oldest who was 2 at the time--I did not want to nurse 2 at night--during the day was ok. Didn't have no problems tandem nursing at all. This time around, I hope it will go the same way--I just night weaned my 2nd just after he turned 2, since this baby is not letting me get any sleep at all.

[kungfumoose]

I LOVE tandem nursing, and I can't say I have ever hated tandem nursing.
Nursing while pregnant, well that's different.

I got pregnant when my daughter was 13 months old. At first there was no real problem with nursing, but my nipples were a little sore sometimes. About the middle of my pregnancy, I really got annoyed with nursing her. Not all the time, but sometimes. I really thought it was the pregnancy. I stuck it out. I had (and still do) a rule: If I want to wean, I wait 2 weeks, and if i still want to wean, that whole 2 weeks, I wean. I have never had a full two weeks where I didn't want to nurse my kids.

After my son was born, everything got a little better. I still felt weird about nursing my toddler daughter sometimes, but the love they shared, and the excitement they both show about "mama milk for everybody!" is so worth it. they LOVE to nurse at the same time. t
The last few months of nursing my son (he's about the same age as she was when I felt this way) have felt awkward at times. Just weird. he's wiggly, and demanding, and it's exactly the same as when I was nursing my daughter, so i now think that maybe it really had nothing to do with the pregnancy or tandem nursing.

I just found out that I am 4 weeks pregnant.
Now I am facing the possibility of tandem nursing WHILE pregnant. Honestly, I think I am okay with it.

It is a deeply personal choice, and there are pros and cons, you just have to figure out which choice is better for you and your children. Good luck.

[trelani]

each experience is unique

I am due in 3 months and had thought I would wean my almost 2year old before the birth. My midwife said 3 months of being weaned is ideal, as that is a long time in a toddler's world, and by the time the baby comes, they have moved on. I wanted nursing to be behind him, so when I nursed the newborn, DS1 wouldn't be giving me hurt looks of betrayal. I not opposed to tandem nursing, but I felt it might be taking on more than I wanted.
Nursing through pregnancy hasn't been as bad as some people experience. Before conceiving, I too was afraid I would have repulsion to nursing. I will admit it is no longer as enjoyable as it was at one time, and I feel tender and touched out easier. But my occasional discomfort has not been enough to wean my son from something that comforts him so greatly. His need has outweighed my discomfort. He nurses mainly to sleep or wake, 2-3 times a day. When it IS unpleasant, I try to distract, offer almond milk, or he needs to cry a little. I just do my best, and handle it based on how I feel at that time.
I don't know how tandem nursing will be. I don't know if I'll love it or hate it.
But I have decided I can't wean him based on "what ifs". If it is too much for me, I'll deal with it then. So far, my parenting has been guided by following his lead and what he is ready for, and following my gut. So I'm going to continue to do that and take things one step at the time. Hope this helps!

[TiredX2]

I'm not sure if I loved tandem nursing. I did love parts of it though. I loved when I nursed both of them when DS was still young and DD would slowly reach over and pet DS. I loved when they were both a hot and sweaty little pile and nursing. I loved when they would play together while nursing. I loved that having DS did not mean that DD did not need to give up something she was not ready to be done with.

There may have been hard parts of tandem nursing but I never, ever, even in the moment regretted it.

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

There may have been hard parts of tandem nursing but I never, ever, even in the moment regretted it.

It was hard and I hated it at times but I never regretted it. Sometimes you just know you are doing the right thing even if it's not all rainbows and butterflies at that moment.
I am still tandem nursing and my kids are 18 months and 3 1/2 years. Setting some limits did help a bit. There were moments when I loved it. But ultimately I did it because I felt my older child still needed it (the emotional aspect especially)

[miriamh912]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you. I just had to post and say that I could have written your original post. I'm in the exact same boat. DS is 19 mos. DH is a few years older and desperate to have another kid. I want more kids too, but hate to think about asking DS to wean if he's not ready. I'm also on the fence about tandem nursing, but would want to do it if it was what DS needed. I think DH is not in support of it, though so that's another story all together. So thanks to all the responders as well because it helps to hear about your experiences.

[kcparker]

I set limits with DS1 when I was pregnant, and he still only has 3 "special nursing times" (on waking - if he catches me!, when I come home from work, and before bed), so that makes tandeming feel tolerable to me. And if the stimulation gets to be too much, I tell him when I count to X or when I am done singing this song, you have to be done, and he's good about complying.

Things I like about tandeming: seeing them hold hands and getting to share an activity when the baby is too young to be a good playmate, hearing DS1 say he's finished, and he's "leaving some for S.", knowing DS1 could help with engorgement or nurse off some of the foremilk (lotsa supply here) so that DS2 could get adequate nutrition into his tiny tummy in the first months.

Here's what an older mom who tandemed told me: "I didn't always feel glad that I was doing it, but I knew I would be glad I did it." She says her kids hardly ever fought as children, and they are great friends now as adults. To me, if a few years of feeling like a sow or a giant acorn being gnawed on by two squirrels is the price of giving my kids a lifelong, tight bond and reducing their fighting as children, I am willing to be that acorn right now.

[1babysmom]

I love it. Not so much the "act" but just the fact that my LO's are still nursing as they please. Knowing that I didn't ask them to give up something that means so much to them. That kind of thing.

I'm currently nursing my 4 year old, my 22 month old, and my 3 week old (and pumping for donation ) and I wouldn't have it any other way. I've never had that "heebie jeebie" feeling while nursing, not while pregnant or any other time. I've never felt overwhelmed by nursing multiple children. I've joked about being nothing but a milk cow, but I've never had any resentful feeling towards my kiddos because of it.

I love knowing that even though I have 2 other nurslings, that my 4 year old can still have that special time with me, and it's so neat to see her slowing down and naturally moving away from nursing at HER own pace. It's clearly still important to her but I feel like it's only right to let HER choose when to be done, and it's really great to see that it DOES happen...that children DON'T nurse forever. The benefits of tandem nursing have really been awesome, it's made transitioning SO much easier with each baby, and of course there's the nutrition and health benefits that no other food/drink can compare to, too.

[PGTlatte]

I can honestly say I never hated it, and I am really glad I did it. Both boys are weaned now, are 4.5 and almost 7, and DS1 remembers when he would lay with his head on one side of my lap and nurse while his little baby brother nursed on the other side. I tandemed for about 1.5 yrs after DS2 was born.

I think part of why it was not overwhelming for me was that I thought about the limits I wanted to set beforehand. DH helped me night wean DS1 while I was pregnant with DS2 because I knew I did not want two kids wanting to nurse at night. I also set daytime nursing limits with DS1 while I was pregnant, and kept those in place after DS2 was born. DS1 did not have the expectation that he would get to nurse on demand, and I think that made it easier.

[tanyam926]

I didn't read all the posts so I don't know if this was already said but I wanted to offer an alternative to your assumption that tandem nursing is not biologically normal.

The horror stories you may have read about moms feeling revulsion towards the older nursling once the baby is born are only some women's experiences and I think that those hormonal feelings could serve a very important purpose other than for weaning the older child. The newborn needs breast milk to survive and I think that the body needs those hormones and intense feelings to help the mother make sure that the baby is the first priority, even over her older child who she is already bonded to.

I have tandem nursed two different times (ds1 and ds2, and now ds2 and ds3) and I have never experienced any negative feelings toward my older nurslings. I have felt tired, overwhelmed, etc. by just being a mom to more than one child but I believe I would have felt that if I were BF or not, tandem nursing or not.

So, my advice is to let go of the fear you feel and just decide to do what works for your family. If you get pg and continue nursing throughout your pg w/positive results, then great! If you get pg and want to wean, I am sure you will do it as gently as possible. Same w/after the baby is born.

In my experience the first week of tandem nursing is the hardest. It is definately possible to nurse 2 at night and it doesn't take long to get the hang of it. The older nursling learns that they may have to wait a little while bc the baby needs things immediately but that their needs will always be met.

Also in my experience, tandem nursing allowed my older child to bond w/his new sibling w/out feeling like he was being displaced.

To conclude my essay (), I have enjoyed tandem nursing at times, felt overwhelmed by it at times, and wondered what the heck I was doing at times, which are all feelings I have had about being a mother in general.

Sorry so long, I mainly wanted to offer you encouragement and a different way of looking at things. Congrats on your upcoming growing family!