Trying to set up help after birth.

[zannster]

I have a situation here, and I'm not getting much closer to making a decision.

Both my mom and MIL have offered to come for a week or so following birth. My mom has been granted some flexibility from her workplace, so she can pretty much come whenever I call her (albeit ~14 hrs later, via Amtrak). My MIL lives in Europe, and she wants to book her flight now.

My preference is to maybe have DH here for a few days, then invite my mom, and then have my MIL. Of course, it's impossible to tell when the birth will happen. (DS was born two days past my EDD, and I believe labor started earlier than it should have due to an infection). I'd really rather not have my MIL here immediately after the birth, when everything is messy and I might not be dressed all the time. If I schedule her visit later (like say three weeks after my EDD), and I end up having the baby earlier...I guess the question would be how I will be able to function on my own a week after a birth. I've only had a c/s, so I have no idea what recovery from normal birth is like (aside from reading the recent thread here). I have a 5-year-old to entertain and drive to and from preschool 5x/week, so it's not like I can just lie around all the time. WWYD?

[artgoddess]

I bet you'll be surprised how easy the recovery will be. I had both mine vaginally with my first I was up and about pretty much right away. I was nervous about driving myself and the baby for about a week. But I think that was more new mother nerves than anything else.

With my second it was even easier. I remember running into a friend at the super market when she was 4 days old and my friend being amazed at how great and full of energy I looked. let alone I was out and shopping. I shrug and told her we needed food in the house. I hadn't thought anything out of the ordinary until she said something.

I see you have a 5 year old, and that will be a big help to you as well. Believe it or not. My son was 3.5 when my dd was born. i warned him a lot ahead of time how if the baby was nursing he was going to have to wait for my help. I made sure there were snacks and fruit down low where he could help himself if I wasn't able to make him something to eat. And he really loved helping me with things. A 5 year old will be even more able to assist. Is your partner going to have any time to be home with you after the birth?

[zannster]

He can get five days of paid time off and doesn't seem to have any intention of taking more. That would include whatever time he's here for the labor/birth. I get the impression that he'd rather have mom/MIL here and not have to do anything himself. When I suggested he might stay home for a few days after the birth, his response was "All day?".

[artgoddess]

: Oh I'm sorry. That's rough. with my first my DP had to go to work the day after I came home from the hospital. It was a Saturday and he worked 13 hours because he had so much stuff to catch up on from missing three days while I was in labor and and he was with me at the hospital. It sucked, he worked for his dad who just didn't get why it was a problem because my MIL came over to help. After a couple days though I told MIL I didn't need her help because it was well a little strange. I felt like I had to treat her like company, so I was cleaning before she came over, making coffee etc. when I was mom to a 5 day old. It wasn't anything she expected, and she would have picked up a mop had I asked. I just didn't have it in me to ask her to do that.

[zannster]

It was a little awkward for me having my MIL around as well (after first birth). It wasn't that I really felt I had to do things for her...but I wasn't sure what she should do. Now circumstances are different: she can take care of DS (they adore each other), and we have a house that can always use attention. Last time, she insisted on staying in a hotel, in part because we lived in a 1 BR apartment. This time, she will stay at our house, but she's done it a few times, so I'm used to it.

[midnightmommy]

I agree with Artgoddess. If you are normally exhausted when your MIL is there because you feel the need to clean, and you have to help her find things it's not going to change with a new baby. The bonus of having your kids far apart is that your five year old will be more patient, helpful, and understanding than say a three year old. I would schedule your MIL out three weeks, and maybe arrange transportation to and from school for your older child. Once they are at school you can put your feet up, nurse, and say to heck with the house! I'm betting though that you'll feel so good compared to your c-section recovery that you really won't want all that "help."

[Lilygoose]

How much you feel able to get up and around is probably a pretty individual thing and also depends on how your labor goes. i had a relatively easy labor and delivery-all natural, 14 hours, large baby (almost 11 pounds) with a second degree tear. My mom came every day to stay with me for a week about 2 days after the birth. Her plan was to be there to do things so i could rest. I did not want to rest. My nesting instinct (entirely absent for my pregnancy) kicked into overdrive and I scrubbed my entire house from floor to ceiling, and had her scrubbing right along with me. It was great to have there, but I probably needed her more for the moral support than any physical tasks. i felt good and energized. I wuld thnk you might want someone you are close to for company and support, but you may feel fine physically.

[triony]

I could have written this post! Well, not really, but it's close

My MIL is a 10-hour drive away, but my mother is in Europe right now. My mom's job has a 2 week break right around my due date so she was suggesting coming on the due date. The problem is that a) I'm worried if she comes for 2 weeks then, she might miss most of the "baby time" if the baby comes late and b) I don't want her here FOR the birth. (My SIL will be acting as doula/assisstant coach. My mom doesn't know that yet... that could be a tough situation to work around, too)

She's also acting a little weird about when to come, if I want her to, etc. She said a couple of times that I might want my MIL to be here first. I was like "You're my mom. I want you." But of course, that doesn't really help.

I'm in the same position though. When to tell her to buy tickets? When do I think I'll want help? I think DH is only going to take a week off. He wants to play it by ear (that's his motto for life). I can't "schedule" my mom to come too late, because then either my MIL will come up earlier than her, or will miss the first few weeks after the birth. What a mess.

So what we've done is:
- asked my mom to buy her ticket for 1 week after the due date
- are hoping the baby comes just before that
- and then my MIL can come up a few days after my mom if the baby is here, or whenever is then convenient for us if the baby is born later.

Oh the best laid plans of mice and men...
Good luck to you! and lots of good vibes and hugs!